- I'm from Perth, and I've lived here my whole life,
and this sign sends me into a mild panic because
make sure you take the exit Mandjoogoormerroobatrura
road drive place.
Hi, can I please get a beer and a wine?
$24?! I just wanted one beer and a,
oh alright, it's $24, okay, here you go.
Flights to Bali are cheaper than flights to Sydney.
No one wants to go to Sydney,
Why would we want to go to Sydney?
Who would want to go to Sydney?!
We have a very prominent north and south rivalry, get down!
Sorry, just saw someone from the south.
They're a little bit more violent.
Up north is where the classier of us live.
I think, I don't, I think we're both bogan.
Oh, we have absolutely no idea how to merge.
Merge isn't a word on our vocabulary.
We just hope for the best and swerve into a lane we want,
or there's an exit on the freeway, we need to get.
(yelling)
Oh god, a long weekend!
Panic shop, everyone panic shop,
we need food, we need water.
Will there be supplies on the weekend?
Probably not, because everything's closed.
Then cousins.
Should I not mention?
But no, I mean we love them, yean, we love them!
Ben's great, has a few issues but overall
(nervous stammering)
Am I allowed to say that we love Ben?
Okay, I won't.
I'll just edit around.
We also have art!
It does look like an aerial
has fallen off one of the buildings.
Some people call it like the cactus thing.
I personally call it the cactus, I call it the cactus thing.
It's art, though.
It's beautiful, majestic art.
I don't know what it means.
Mmm, art!
Beer is pronounced "beyar".
There's a Y in it, beyar!
I'll have me a beyar!
It's not beer, it's beyar!
Oh, I bought a gorgeous new dog from Sydney,
and the flights to get him over here
cost more than the actual dog itself.
We just built a new arena because
no one ever comes to Perth,
so we thought if we built a new arena maybe they'll come.
And then, voila, Ed Sheeran's here!
So we made sure we told everybody the news
that Ed Sheeran will be the first performance in our arena.
I think we told everyone, maybe a year ago?
And then every day for the last year
we've been reminding everybody that Ed Sheeran's coming.
Oh, Ed Sheeran's here!
Ed Sheeran!
And you know, we probably won't ever see
anyone ever again, but you know, Ed Sheeran came!
So basically the arena is like a custom build
for the Ed Sheeran concert, because I doubt
anyone's ever gonna come back and actually use it again.
Because Perth's so far away!
I mean, if you made the trip to Australia,
why get on a flight for three hours and come to Perth!
Oh, spoilers!
Yeah, we can never watch a TV show
with the rest of the country and not know the outcome
because, oh you know, it's always on social media.
And people are like, oh, don't go on social media!
That's like telling me not to use
the roads when I drive a car.
I live on social media!
I just don't want your stupid spoilers!
Oh, people say we're six years behind.
We're not six years behind!
We're three hours behind.
But I do understand what they mean
in terms of we're six years behind.
'Cause we are sort of like, we're sort of six years behind.
But no, no, no we're not.
We're definitely the leaders of...
What was the question?
Oh, I think it would save a lot of money
if car manufacturers didn't give us indicators or mirrors,
'cause we never use them.
What's the purpose of them to do?
Help us merge?
We don't need help merging, we're really good at it.
(suppressed laughter snorting)
Oh, a bit of general knowledge, we always know
how many days since the Bayswater bridge has been hit.
There's even a website dedicated to it called
howmanydayssincebayswaterbridgehasbeenhit.com,
true story, it gets hit a lot.
In fact, three, two, one!
Oh, there it goes! (laughing)
Oh shit, it looks like there's been some casualties.
Actually we should stop film, we should just stop filming.
You'll see on the news, Syndey suffers heat wave!
Oh, it's 35 degrees, oh god help us!
That's called a Perth summer!
You are a bunch of actual human wimps.
We had a fat cat put us to bed.
Let that sink in, a fat cat.
I mean, I get the juxtaposition.
We have a lot of mining companies, corporate and greedy,
and then they create this character
called Fat Cat, and it puts us to bed.
Oh, when people from the east move over to Perth,
and then they hate it, it brings me so much joy.
Oh I just feel so isolated over here in Perth!
Oh, you feel isolated, do you?
What on god's earth do you feel isolated from?
All the morons you used to live with?
I'll happily send you back home.
We don't want you!
As a kid you stop watch the entire telethon,
but by 11, you were dead.
Oh! What shall we do for dinner?
A pub meal, or a fancy restaurant?
We do wanna save money.
Aw, hang on, they both cost exactly the same.
They're both expensive.
Mining boom!
Oh, where'd you go?
Where did it go?
Where did the mining boom go?!
Why's everything still so expensive then?
You wanna go home and get a cab,
but they wouldn't take you to the hills.
The hills, it's not actually that far!
25 minutes is not that far.
Well for Perth, actually, 25 minutes
is practically like driving to Canberra.
I'm just gonna have a beautiful picnic.
Ah, a swan, run!
Is it gone?
Did it go?
Those things are gonna take my eye out.
They are the most lethal things we have in this state.
"Oh, there's just nothing to do here in Perth, I'm bored!"
What do you mean, there's nothing to do?
Are you lazy?
Have you not seen what Perth has to offer?
What does Melbourne have that Perth doesn't have?
Oh, it has all of those things.
Oh, Melbourne has quite a significant
amount of stuff going on.
I would like to retract that sentence.
There isn't actually much to do, no,
there's plenty to do here in Perth!
I stand by that!
There's not that much to do here in Perth.
Ah, it's gonna be 24 degrees today, I better get a jacket!
Oh, are you going on a school excursion?
Let me guess, it's to the museum or the zoo?
(jaunty music)