A: Welcome to a very special birthday edition of Just Between Us!
G: My birthday was June 1st.
A: My birthday is June 20th!
A: You are watching it, on my birthday.
G: Today, when we're filming it, not your birthday.
- A: Don't reveal our secrets! - G: Sorry!
A: Every year I drive to a very creepy store in Pasadena that has like a lot of
taxidermy and like weird stuff, to get Gaby a birthday gift.
A: This year I went and I got her an
- A: amatomical (wrong pronunciation) - G: A-Amatoical? (questioning Allison)
A: Ana- How do you say it?
G: Anatomically.
A: That's what I said! Is amatomical not a word?
- G: Am-amatomical? - A: What word are you saying?
- G: AN...? - A: What is...is that right or wrong?
G: No it's right.
- G: A-N, an...atomical. - A: ANatomical.
G: Anatomical.
A: It's an anatomical heart necklace.
G: And then I got Allison this necklace, that is a key that says "Love" and the
crux of it is that you're supposed to wear it until you feel and absorb the word on
the key, and then once you've done that for yourself, then you give it to someone
else who you think needs it.
A: So Gaby gave it to me and I said:
"Thank you so much, I'm gonna die in this thing,"
♪ introduction music ♪
A: This week we have a
(to the tune of "happy birthday") ♪ International question for you! ♪
♪ International question
♪ International question for
A: Toby! In the EU! (blows candles on imaginary cake)
A: Have you ever seen a movie and thought: "That was a pretty good movie but I'd
rather see the sequel?"
G: I mean, I'm sure you're gearing up to something so what is it?
A: People might remember a little episode, a few years ago...
- G: A few years ago? - A: A year ago,
A: Entitled: "Why is Gaby prettier than Allison?"
- G: I remember it, Harry from Cambodia. - A: Yes, fuck you Harry.
A: This week, we had an interesting follow-up question:
"Why is
A: Pew, pew pew pew pew, po-pow!
A: Oh, hold, hold, hold, hold. (uses soundbox)
G: No.
G: The point of that first episode was that we shouldn't be pitted against
each other for our looks or anything else because we're best friends and we're a
comedy duo and that's besides the point.
A: Yes, that's what you took the time to say when it was your episode, but in my
episode, I just want to say, "Thank you so much Toby, I really appreciate it."
G: Don't you think this is a pity question?
A: Yes.
G: And?
A: Fine.
A: Honestly, I don't have the luxury to not accept pity.
A: That is a luxury that is not afforded to someone with a hot sister.
- G: We all have hot sisters. - A: Yeah but whatever, you had girls too.
- G: So? - A: You had your weird, you were queer,
and that's fun.
A: You were out having fun, you were experimenting. You were doing things
Cheyenne would never do.
- G: Uh-huh. - A: I just had Jocelyn.
- G: Uh-huh. Here's the thing-- - A: She's so pretty.
A: Obviously, the big takeaway from this is that people have different preferences.
- G: Yeah! - A: And some are better than others.
G: Some party can be hot to one person and not hot to someone
- G: else and vice versa. - A: I never find the people you find
- A: attractive, attractive. - G: Exactly!
- G: And that's great! - A: and vice-ver... and you don't find my
- A: people attractive. - G: Right because those people are for
you and those people are for me.
A: And that's how we will divide the world once we rule it.
- A: We'll have an Allison world... - G: Yeah.
- A: ...and then Gaby world. - G: Yeah.
A: And then every Sunday you and me will get tea, and that will be the only time we
can cross the wall.
G: What side of the world do you want?
- G: Like the one with America? - A: The hot, I want...
- G: Oh you want to divide it by...? - A: I'm gonna have it, no I'm gonna have
around the equator, and you can have the top and bottom.
- G: But then my countries are divided! - A: You're bi!
A: Blonde, brunette, it's a competition as old as time.
G: Ugh, I hate this.
A: Betty and Veronica?
G: I hate this. I hate that if you have a show one has to be a blonde and one has to
be a brunette because no one can tell the difference between women.
A: Well I think you should have purple hair but you stopped doing that.
- G: It's because-- - A: I said that's what made us unique,
that's what's gonna get us a goddamn TV show, and then you went and undid it.
A: I feel like anyone who likes you could never like me.
- A: Like if... if a... - G: Well if they... once they get to know
us.
A: I don't know.
- G: Once they get to know us! - A: If anyone... if someone hits on you I
immediately cross him off the list of possibilities for me.
G: But people have liked you initially and then gotten to know you and been like "No
thank you," and then started liking me... and vice-versa! And vice-versa!
G: Now everyone in the comments is gonna be like: (in commenter voice) "Am I the
only one who thinks Allison is hotter than Gaby?"
A: No, now, because the question was so... actually all the comments in this
episode you're gonna get the pity.
G: I don't think they're gonna give me pity every--
A: They are! They're gonna go "What are you even talking about?! I come for Gaby.
Look at her body! Wow, what a great outfit."
A: I think I'm gonna peak at 32
- A: prettiness-wise. - G: Mhmm, I agree.
- A: Like, you think 32? - G: Mhmm, for both of us, yeah.
-A: Because I think we'll have more money, - G: Mhmm.
- A: and we'll have stylists, - G: Oh my god.
- A: and we'll like be in better shape, - G: And we'll get our teeth whitened.
- A: and our hair, and our makeup. - G: Yeah.
- A: We'll have better clothes. - G: I agree.
A: Ugh, and then it's downhill.
G: Well, I'm gonna get a lot of plastic surgery so I can't wait for that.
G: I don't even want it to look natural... (Allison laughs)
G: ...I wanna look like one of those really hot, plastic surgery girls.
A: I just want like gentle injections so it looks like I've never laughed.
♪ jazz music ♪
A: Put the ladies up here, men down there, all genders, sorry, oh god. (Gaby laughs)
A: I'm in big trouble again.
G: Welcome to Just Between Us, we're your problematic faves.
♪ outro music ♪
Subtitles by the Amara.org community