"This place is a mess.
I’m sick of living in a pig sty.
Do I look like a pig?
No.
There’s nothing pig-ish about me.
The humans have inspired me.
Hashtag trashtag.
Let’s get on top of this shitfuckery.
It doesn’t matter who made the mess,
my new philosophy is that we’re in this together.
So I’m gonna quit bitching
and look after the bush.
If it turns out a lady is attracted
to my environmentally friendly conscience,
then so be it.
It’s not my driving force,
but vagina is a bonus.
Someone could trip over this.
They could trip.
It’s a safety hazard.
Damn it, now I’m thinkin’ about vagina.
I didn’t want to.
I am doing this for everyone and for the planet.
Who threw that leaf?
Someone is littering here.
That’s not fucken funny.
I’m happy to tidy up after everyone today,
but tomorrow you all have to grow up.
Ok, that’s good.
It looks great.
Anyyyy ladies around?
“Hellloooo.
Hi.
Oh wow.
So clean.”
“Yeah. No big deal.
I had a bit of spare time and it’s a good thing to do.”
“Of course, let me take a closer look.”
“Yeah pull up a chair on the balcony.”
“Thank you.”
“No worries.
Do youuu have a name at all?”
“Ohh” shivers, sneezes, coughs
“sorry, my name is Petula.”
“Petula.
What a lovely name.
It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“What’s your name?”
“Kevin.
I am Sir Kevin and now I shall dance for you.”
“No way.”
“Yes way. Here we go, just a moderate head bang.
Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, get on up,
it’s bobsled time.”
“I love that movie.”
“Sidestep, sidestep, sidestep.
Swaaay.
Back jump.
I can bobble my head and spin like a frisbee
simultaneously.”
“That is incredible.
Truly.”
“Thank you, my lady.
Yellow eye. Expansion.
I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair
back and forth.
I whip it real good.
Whippy whip whiperoo.”
“Yes, whip it.
Whip it harder. Faster.
Whip the fucken fuck out of it.”
“I am, this is pretty much my top speed.”
“Ohh... Take me now.”
“Gimme a minute.
I know this routine looks improvised,
but it is choreographed.
I wanna finish it.
It’s worth it. It is.
HI-YA! I’m like a cobra.
This move is inspired by the snouted cobras
of the savannah.
Fluent.
Precise.
Deadly.
I spent many years studying them.”
“Ah don’t start talking about your degree.”
“LIGHT SHOW!
Did you see that?
Were you watching?
Get ready, this is the climax before the climax.
LIGHT SHOW!”
“You have no idea how ready I am to fuck.
Stop showing off.”
“Go Kevin, it’s your birthday, we’re gonna party—”
“Stop it.”
“OK, alright. Just a few more.
Yeah boi!”
“You were almost boyfriend material.”
“LIGHT SHOW!”
“Talented, an environmentally friendly conscience,
but you’re not listening.”
“I told you, there’s a routine,
I have to finish it once I start it.
I’m almost done.
LIGHT SHOW!
Here we go!”
"Finally..."
♫ Sex Sounds ♪♪
“Oh I’ve cum.”
- “I came too...” - “See ya!”
"About a minute ago to be honest."