[belch] HI. I'M MARK GAGLIARDI,
AND TODAY WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT ROBERT SMALLS.
[laughter]
- WHEN ROBERT SMALLS WAS 12 YEARS OLD,
HIS FATHER, HENRY MCKEE, THE PLANTATION OWNER,
WAS LIKE, LISTEN, MY SON,
THAT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO TELL ANYBODY IS MY SON
BUT REALLY, YOU'RE MY SON.
YOU ARE SPECIALER THAN THE OTHER SLAVES.
BUT YOU KEEP GETTING IN TROUBLE.
WE THINK THAT THE BEST THING FOR YOU RIGHT NOW
IS IF WE SEND YOU TO CHARLESTON.
AND ROBERT SMALLS IS LIKE, OH, I'M SORRY.
YOU'RE MY [bleep] SLAVE OWNER
AND YOU'RE GOING TO SEND ME TO CHARLESTON
WHERE I CAN LEARN AN ACTUAL BUSINESS TRADE?
YEAH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA.
AND HE SPENT SEVEN YEARS BEING A CREWMAN
ONBOARD ALL OF THESE DIFFERENT VESSELS
THAT TRAVELED AROUND THESE CHARLESTON WATERWAYS,
INCLUDING THE CONFEDERATE SHIP, THE
AT THIS POINT, THE CIVIL WAR HAS BROKEN OUT.
THE OFFICERS TURNED TO ROBERT SMALLS
AND THEY WERE LIKE, LISTEN MAN.
DON'T TELL ANYONE WE'RE GOING TO GO ONSHORE.
KEEP AN EYE ON THE SHIP WHILE WE'RE GONE.
AND ROBERT SMALLS IS LIKE, SURE MAN,
I [bleep] GOT THIS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME.
AND ROBERT SMALLS THOUGHT TO HIMSELF,
THESE GUYS JUST WENT TO GO GET SOME HOOKERS.
THESE TWO OTHER GUYS,
WHO AREN'T THE GUYS GETTING HOOKERS,
ALSO WENT TO GET HOOKERS.
I BASICALLY HAVE THIS SHIP TO MYSELF.
HE SAYS, HEY MAN.
THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY FOR US TO STEAL THIS SHIP
AND GET OVER TO THE UNION SIDE.
HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.
GO GET MY FAMILY AND GO ROUND UP THE FAMILY
OF THE OTHER TWO SEAMEN ON THIS VESSEL.
AND I WILL BRING ALL OF US TO FREEDOM.
[laughter]
- MARK. - WHAT?
- REMEMBER AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS
YOU SAID YOU WERE NOT GOING TO--
- I PROMISED YOU I WAS NOT GOING TO LAY ON MY STOMACH TONIGHT.
- AND WHAT HAPPENED?
- PROBABLY THIS.
I'M FIGHTING. HERE I COME.
- CUE
I ONLY DO THIS IN HONOR OF ROBERT SMALLS.
[groan] GOD DAMN IT, WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?
ONCE ROBERT SMALLS HAD TAKEN CONTROL OF THE SHIP,
SMALLS THOUGHT TO HIMSELF,
I'M STILL GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE IT PAST FIVE CONFEDERATE FORTS.
LUCKILY, I LOOK ENOUGH LIKE THE CAPTAIN
WHEN I WEAR THE HAT AND THIS JACKET.
AND I HAVE THE CONFEDERATE CODE BOOK,
WHICH MEANS I KNOW WHAT SIGNALS TO THROW
THAT WILL GET US THROUGH THE HARBOR.
SO ROBERT SMALLS IS PILOTING THE SHIP
PAST CONFEDERATE TROOPS.
SO HE GOT TO THE FIRST ONE AND WAS LIKE, TOOT-TOOT-TOOT.
AND THEY THOUGHT THERE'S A WHITE GUY TRYING TO PASS THROUGH.
LET'S JUST WAVE AT HIM.
AND HE MADE IT THROUGH.
[exhales]
[chuckle]
[exclaims]
ALL RIGHT.
SO HE MADE IT THROUGH FIVE CONFEDERATE SIGNALS
ALL THE WAY THROUGH TO THE GATES OF FORT SUMTER.
NOT ONLY DID THE GUYS AT FORT SUMTER SAY,
ALL RIGHT, LET'S LET THE
THE GUARD AT FORT SUMTER SAID,
HEY, YOU GO KILL YOURSELVES A COUPLE OF YANKEES.
AND IT WAS ONLY AT DAWN THAT THE CONFEDERATES REALIZE,
HEY, MAYBE THIS ISN'T QUITE ON THE LEVEL.
AND THEY START LOBBING CANNON FIRE
AND AS HE IS BARRELING TOWARD UNION FORCES,
HE THINKS, OH MY GOD.
I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING TO MAKE SURE
THAT THESE UNION FORCES DON'T THINK
I AM COMING TO CONFRONT THEM.
- ARE WE GONNA DO THIS THING FROM THE FLOOR MAN, REALLY?
- I WANT YOU TO BE COMFORTABLE, SO WE'LL DO IT WHEREVER.
- I'LL DO IT FROM THE FLOOR.
AS HE IS BARRELING TOWARD THESE UNION FORCES,
SMALLS TURNS TO HIS WIFE AND SAYS,
I TOLD YOU TO BRING A BED SHEET.
DID YOU BRING A BED SHEET?
SHE'S LIKE, HONEY, I BROUGHT US A BREAD SHEET.
- HEY MARK, LET'S JUST HAVE SOME WATER.
JUST TAKE A QUICK BREAK AND JUST DRINK SOME WATER.
- ARE WE GETTING IN A FIGHT?
- NOT AT ALL. - WHY--WHAT?
- YOU'RE OKAY.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW, BABY?
- THE NEXT PART.
- HE HOISTED THE SHEET AS A WHITE FLAG OF SURRENDER.
HE PULLS UP TO THE
HEY MAN, I HUNG--I HEAR UNCLE ABE
COULD USE A TRANSPORT SHIP.
THIS WAS A BIG DEAL.
AND LINCOLN'S LIKE, ALL RIGHT MAN.
THAT'S GREAT. HERE'S $1,500.
HEY, HERE'S A QUICK QUESTION.
DO YOU THINK THAT YOU COULD GET SOME [bleep] UNION GUYS
LIKE SOME--SOME--SOME CELEBRI--SOME CELEBRITIES?
WHA--WHAT'S THE WORD I'M LOOKING FOR?
SOME CELEBRATEDS.
WHAT'S THE WORD I'M LOOKING FOR? SOME, UM.
- MARK.
- AH-BA-BA-BA-BA. HOLD ON.
[snorts] NOT CELEBRITIES.
SOME SOLDIERS.
HE WAS THE FIRST TO ENLIST 5,000 BLACKS
IN THE UNION ARMY.
SO THE END OF THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR.
CIVIL WAR... [slurred, indistinct speech]
AND HE HAD JUST ENOUGH MONEY.
- WHAT?
- NOT ONLY DID ROBERT SMALLS STEAL A BOAT
AND [bleep] GET HIS FREEDOM.
NOT ONLY DID HE SERVE FIVE TERMS AS A U.S. CONGRESSMAN.
AFTER THE WAR, ROBERT SMALLS WENT INTO SOUTH CAROLINA
AND SAID, HEY, SEE THAT HOUSE OVER THERE?
THAT'S THE HOUSE I WANT TO BUY.
WHICH HOUSE?
THAT ONE.
I'M GOING TO BUY THE MCKEE HOUSE.
THE LAST TIME THAT HE WAS IN THAT HOUSE,
HE WAS OWNED BY ANOTHER PERSON.
THIS TIME, MOTHER[bleep] OWNED THE HOUSE.
- MARK.
- MM-HMM.
- ROBERT SMALLS.
- YEAH, MAN.
- DO YOU LIKE HIM? - I LOVE HIM.