OKAY, WAIT, JUST LET ME GET SERIOUS FOR A MINUTE.
[exhales]
HELLO.
TODAY, WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT MARY DYER.
MARY DYER AND HER HUSBAND WILLIAM
MOVED TO MASSACHUSETTS FROM ENGLAND,
AND THEY WERE QUAKERS, WHICH IS MORE LIBERAL PURITANS.
SO WILLIAM AND MARY ARE LIKE,
THIS IS [bleep] FUN AND GREAT.
THE PURITANS ARE THE PEOPLE THAT SETTLED NEW ENGLAND
IN THE 1600s.
PURITANS WERE LIKE, THE BIBLE IS THE WORD OF GOD.
LIKE, LITERALLY GOD DICTATED SOME NOTES TO HIS SECRETARY.
MARY WAS JUST LIKE,
I'VE GOT A LITTLE BIT OF A DIFFERENT TAKE ON IT.
HEY, YOU KNOW, THIS THING THE HOLY SPIRIT
WE KEEP HEARING ABOUT?
THAT'S WITHIN YOU.
OH, MY GOD, THE HOLY SPIRIT IS RIGHT HERE?
YEAH, YOU CAN JUST TALK TO IT.
OH, MY GOD, HEY, HOLY SPIRIT.
WHAT SHE'S DOING IS ILLEGAL.
THERE IS NO SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE.
SO THE GUYS THAT RAN NEW ENGLAND WERE LIKE,
NO. NO, NO, NO.
DON'T GO JUST SAYING, "OH, HERE'S MY INTERPRETATION OF IT,"
AND HAVE WOMEN OVER FOR TEA.
NO, YOU'RE UNDERMINING THE WHOLE THING.
OKAY, SO MARY WAS BANISHED.
SHE'S LIKE, FINE, NO BIG DEAL.
BANISH ME. I'M GOING TO RHODE ISLAND.
AND WHAT I WANT IS EVERYONE TO UNDERSTAND
IS WHAT MARY [bleep] DID TO THE PURITAN DUDES.
SHE FREAKED THEIR DICKS OFF, OKAY?
- [laughing] WHAT? - BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THEY'RE LIKE, UM, DIDN'T WE TELL YOU TO LEAVE?
SHE'S LIKE, UH, YEAH, YOU DID,
BUT I'M NOT TRYING TO BE A DICK,
BUT I'M COMING BACK TO ASK YOU,
CAN YOU PLEASE JUST HAVE--
YOU DON'T HAVE TO, LIKE, BE INTO IT,
BUT CAN YOU PLEASE HAVE RELIGIOUS TOLERANCE?
AND THEY'RE LIKE, NO. WE'RE GONNA [bleep] KILL YOU.
WE'RE GONNA STRANGLE YOU, NOOSE YOU.
WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT? KILL YOU.
KILL YOURSELF. MURDER YOU.
GALLOWS.
- SHE'S GONNA GET HUNG.
- MARY WAS GONNA GET HUNG.
[ominous music]
SO SHE'S WALKING WITH A GUY TO THE GALLOWS.
AND THEY LITERALLY-- THE NOOSE IS AROUND HER NECK.
AND THEY WERE LIKE, MARY,
IF YOU PROMISE TO LEAVE MASSACHUSETTS BAY COLONY
AND NEVER COME BACK, YOU CAN GO.
AND SHE WAS LIKE, OKAY.
AND THEY WERE LIKE, ALL RIGHT.
THEY TAKE THE ROPE OFF AROUND HER NECK,
AND THEY LET HER GO.
MARY DID AN AMAZING THING.
OH! [laughing]
DO YOU THINK I SHOULD GET UP?
MARY DYER COMES BACK TO MASSACHUSETTS AND SAYS,
I'M GONNA DEAL WITH THESE LAWS TO THEIR BLOODY FACE.
OR I'M GONNA BLOODY DEAL WITH THESE LAWS
IN THE FACE.
IN OTHER WORDS,
I'M CONFRONTING THIS [bleep]
HEAD-[bleep]-ON.
HONESTLY, LAYING ON THE FLOOR LIKE THIS
IS ONE OF THE BEST TIMES I'VE HAD IN A LONG TIME.
- [laughing]
- SO MARY--SHE'S VISITING QUAKERS IN PRISON.
THEY WERE LIKE, THANK YOU, MARY, FOR COMING,
'CAUSE WE GET THAT YOU GET WHAT WE'RE GOING THROUGH.
SHE'S LIKE, TOTALLY.
SO THE COMMONWEALTH OF MASSACHUSETTS
WAS LIKE, STOP VISITING PRISONERS.
STOP ACTING LIKE IT'S OKAY.
WE GOTTA [bleep] KILL YOU.
SO HE WALKED HER TO THE GALLOWS
ON BOSTON COMMON IN 1660.
AND THEY PUT THE NOOSE AROUND HER NECK.
SO SHE HAD THE ROPE AROUND HER NECK,
LIKE, ABOUT TO DIE.
SHE SAID, NO EAR CAN HEAR,
NO TONGUE CAN TASTE,
NO HEART CAN UNDERSTAND...
THE JOY--
SOMETHING LIKE, THE JOY--
[bleep]. I DON'T [bleep] KNOW.
THE JOY AND THE TREASURES OF THE BLESSINGS
AND THE REFRESHMENTS.
I DON'T GET WHAT THAT IS.
BUT THE REFRESHMENTS OF GOD
THAT I HAVE, STARTING RIGHT THIS [bleep] NOW.
[triumphant music]
♪ ♪
EVERYONE'S WATCHING. THEY'RE LIKE,
OH, MY GOD. WE'RE ON THE BOSTON COMMON.
WE'RE ON-- WATCHING SOMEONE DIE.
THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM FOR BEING A SICK [bleep].
AND THEN KING CHARLES WAS LIKE,
EXCUSE ME, WHAT THE [bleep] IS EVERYONE DOING
OVER AT MASSACHUSETTS?
I DIDN'T SAY THIS [bleep] SHOULD GET SO CRAZY.
DON'T KILL PEOPLE.
THAT MAKES YOU LOOK MORE LIKE A PUSSY,
IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW, BY THE WAY, DUDES.
BUT SHE CHANGED THE WORLD.
BUT YOU'LL NEVER HEAR ABOUT IT ANYWHERE BUT HERE.
- WELL, NOW--
- [crying] SHE'S IN AN UNMARKED GRAVE
ON THE BOSTON COMMON.
AND YOU KNOW WHOSE GRAVE IS MARKED?
[bleep] JIM MORRISON.
PEOPLE FLY TO EUROPE TO SEE IT.
AND HE WROTE HORRIBLE MUSIC.