[instrumental music]
- Hey. - 'Oh, no, no, no!'
No, no. Vomit tux. No, no. Vomit tux.
Don't worry, I had it dry-cleaned.
"Vomit tux?"
Who vomited on..
You know what?
What you up to, Joe?
Well, they're doing this, uh, telethon thing on TV.
And my agent got me a job as co-host!
- Oh, that's great! - Yeah.
A little, uh, good deed for PBS
plus some TV exposure.
Now that's the kind of math Joey likes to do.
Ugh, PBS.
- What's wrong with PBS? - Uh, what's right with them?
Why don't you like PBS, Pheebs?
'Cause right after my mom killed herself
I was just in this really bad place
you know, personally.
So...I just thought that it'd make me
feel better if I wrote to "Sesame Street"
'cause they were so nice when I was a little kid.
No one ever wrote back.
Well, you know, a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs.
All I got was a lousy keychain.
And by that time, I was living in a box.
I didn't have keys.
I'm sorry, Pheebs, I just, you know
I just wanted to do a good deed like
like you did with the babies.
This isn't a good deed.
You just wanna get on TV. This is totally selfish.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa!
What about you having those babies for your brother?
Talk about selfish.
What? What are you talking about?
Well, yeah, it was a really nice thing and all
but it made you feel really good, right?
Yeah, so?
Well, it made you feel good
so that makes it selfish.
Look, there's no unselfish good deed. Sorry.
Yes, there are.
There are totally good deeds
that are selfless.
Well, may I ask for one example?
Yeah, it's.. You know, there's..
No, you may not.
That's because all people are selfish.
Are you calling me selfish?
Are you calling you people?
Yeah, well, sorry to burst that bubble, Pheebs
but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay?
And you know the deal on Santa Claus, right?
I'm gonna find a selfless good deed.
I'm going to beat you, you evil genius.