- Hey everyone!
I wanted to tell you a story of something
that happened to me at VidCon last June.
So I got into my hotel pretty late, went to say hi
to a couple of YouTubers that I know,
and we're down socializing in this main area
and this woman walks up.
She's friends with a couple of these people
so I introduce myself, say hi
and the conversation continues.
At one point, out of nowhere,
she just starts to attack me.
"You think you're hot shit, don't you,
"with that big baggie sweater,
"like you don't give a fuck?
"You know the only reason people like you
"is because you're a cute girl, right?"
At this point, I'm just shocked.
I was like, "Yeah, I'm gonna go now."
I went back to my hotel room,
called Nate, and just cried.
I didn't understand why this woman who I just met,
who was super popular on YouTube,
knew nothing about me,
would have such animosity towards me.
(techno music)
When I was growing up, pretty much
all of my friends were guys.
I really distanced myself from women,
thought that they were catty and shallow.
Got a little older and realized,
oh my god, I'm a sexist.
I realized that I felt like I was
in competition with other women.
Competition to be the prettiest, to be the smartest,
have the most friends, whatever.
I think that, at least in some ways,
my experience at VidCon, my feelings about women
growing up, are related.
They both come back to a phenomenon
that I'm going to call girl hate.
Girl hate is tearing fellow women down
for petty and unwarranted reasons.
It's thinking that you're the only woman who likes to read
or play sports or plays video games
because all the other women are too busy
being catty, overly emotional drama queens.
Girl hate is, "Oh my god,
"I would never wear that much makeup."
"She tries so hard it just makes her look desperate."
"You think you're hot shit, don't you?"
It's a willingness to backstab and humiliate.
It's being hypercritical of each other,
degrading each other's bodies
and carrying a bitterness toward fellow women.
From birth, women are bombarded with messages
that tell them that their worth is tied to how they look.
In order to be important, valuable and worth loving,
you have to look hot.
The right hair, the right body, the list goes on.
But it doesn't end with your body.
You also need to fiercely intelligent
so that people don't think you're a bimbo.
And don't forget to show just the right amount of emotions
so they don't think you're a cold bitch or overly emotional.
Oh, and make sure you pick out the right wardrobe
because you don't wanna be a prude or a slut.
And while you're at it, make sure you find
a high-powered career that will also allow you
to be the perfect mom.
No pressure or anything.
It creates this deep-seeded expectation
within ourselves to be perfect.
It's that little voice in the back of your head that says,
"You're not good enough!"
Is it any wonder then there is an atmosphere
of competition amongst women,
that this sometimes results in feeling bitter,
frightened, tearing down others to raise yourself up.
No surprise here.
How do we end this madness?
Ending girl hate requires all of us to recognize
when we're girl-hatin'.
What's the difference between girl hate
and just hating someone who sucks?
Girl hate usually isn't deserved.
Of course it's easy to justify the negative feelings
you might have for someone,
which is why ending girl hate also requires us
to be honest with ourselves,
to really examine why we feel
the way we do about someone.
The hope is that by becoming more honest and self-aware,
that we can cultivate a world of girl love.
Girl love is supporting each other.
It's hoping to see each other succeed.
It's fighting together against some bullshit
instead of fighting amongst each other.
Girl love is saying,
"Fuck these unrealistic expectations.
"You don't have to be perfect and neither do I."
Girl love is recognizing the positive in each other
and building strong relationships off of it.
When I started to bring girl love into my life,
not only did I feel more confident,
but I only made a bunch of female friends
and realized how kick-ass women are.
I'm sure for some of you that sounds kind of silly,
especially if you're not a woman
but for me you know, it was kind of a big thing.
Anyhow, I just thought I'd share some of my experiences.
I love you all very much
and I will be back with a new video soon (kiss).
♫ Please be with everyone
♫ except your mom, oh
♫ What? ♫