How the parent prepares their child for coming to the clinic or their interactions with the
doctors is really important.
I started bawling and the X-ray tech said 'come here' and took me out into the hallway
and took me by the shoulders and she said to me and I'm gonna say this to any parent
going through it that your daughter or son, is taking all of their cues from you.
They don't understand what's happening and if you need to break down, do it in the bathroom,
not in front of them, that your children will be stronger if you can be strong in front
of them.
Children absolutely take their cues from their parents and of course it varies depending
on the age of the child or the adolescent.
I have pictures of her riding her bike, riding a bike, in the halls of the hospital, laughing,
having a wonderful time as I chase behind her with her chemo pole.
And so a positive attitude for the parent is gonna get the parents through but it's
also gonna get the child through.
Both parents need to stay positive in front of the children and be realistic but positive.
I didn't want him to be panicked and he already was panicked and very scared as a little boy
thinking 'I have cancer, I might die.'
There are times you can't hide your emotions and really it's somewhat reassuring to the
child how much you love them to see these emotions.
What we don't want to happen is for parents to not be authentic and real with their children
in an effort to protect them.
So we don't want them to hold back we don't want them to put on a complete normal face
to try to get their child to think oh everything's fine.
What we want for parents to be and what we as the staff but the professionals that are
taking care of your children want to be, is, we want to be authentic.
I think attitude is huge, we know that happiness begets happiness and I knew my mood directly
changed Mackenzie's mood.
If Mackenzie was in pain my calmness could soothe her.
She had to grow up really fast and she had to learn very fast that life isn't fair and
that life is also what you make of it.
And so as a 16 year old young woman she knows that it's her choice every day to be happy.
This relationship of trust between your child and the parent is so important because the
parent is the main person who provides that support and if they feel they can't trust
their parent then the child, the patient will feel very alone.
You know, you're going to be tested as a parent as a person I mean that's really what this
is.
I think anybody that is going through a life threatening situation, and conquers that,
that climbs that mountain is going to come out stronger they're going to have just such
a diversity of life experience that it's going to make them a more unique individual and
it's going to make them more qualified for whatever life has to throw at them in the
future.
For parents I think one of the greatest challenges is to meet the needs not only medically and
physically as their child goes through the diagnosis and treatment for cancer but also
psychologically.
One of the things we stress so much once a child is diagnosed with cancer, is trying
to get them back in their normal routine because they will take, they will become much more
secure and positive in their outlook because that's the routine they know.
Being normal.
That was his thing was just being a normal kid again he always said that he goes 'I don't
want cancer, I just want to be normal I don't want to do this cancer thing anymore.'
And I'm like, 'no I get it buddy,' so that's why we got him back into school as tired as
he was and even the teachers would e-mail me and go he slept in class today but that's
OK.
He just had to be there, he just wanted to be around the normal kids, eating lunch in
the lunchroom and joking with his buddies and that for him was so important, so that's
what we did.
Even if they can't go to school for the entire day if they could go for part of the day that's
reassuring.
If they can't see their friends because they're in the hospital well now with Face Time and
things that they can Face Time their friends or talk to their friends.
So keeping that connection with their routine but it not only helps the patient it also
helps the siblings to have somewhat of this normal routine.
We had to take him out of school at some point and have a teacher come to the house and be
there.
But as far as normal as you know keeping in touch with friends, having dinner at the table
once he's back home, just those little things.
When you get that diagnosis you have the treatment plan and now you're going home it's important
to try to pull the pieces of your normal life that you can apply to what now is your new
normal so that that gives some semblance of what normal should look like for your family.
I had to stay focused and I had to stay very much you know 'nope this is what we're going
to do this is what you need to do' and keep his spirits up.
And the same thing with siblings.
His sister, she needed to feel that sense of normal and still have time with mom and
dad that was fun and going to picnics when Jaden was still in treatment and we took him
we did the pumpkin patch at Halloween, we did the tree cutting for Christmas we did,
we didn't miss those things with the kids because I felt that it was something you know
that they both still needed to do it was this it was life and normal and chemo and cancer
was just OK it crept in for a little while but you know we're going to continue doing
what we do.
That sense of normal for them has been yanked, the carpets been yanked out from under him
and trying to get that again you know that piece of it is important you know just as
important as the physical treatment of the cancer and you know all that is really.
They'll draw their strength from their parents but I think they also draw their strength
from those other places.
You know and that's and that's their way of sort of coping and getting through you know
all of this.
You know because as much as it's changed for you, for them it's tenfold.