loneliness is complicated new town new
job depression social anxiety low
self-esteem no friends sometimes it's
none of those things and sometimes it's
all of them sometimes it's brief
sometimes it's more long-lasting
sometimes it makes sense why and
sometimes it doesn't make any sense at
all there might be simple solution for
some while for others there is not so
you can see why it's complicated just
like with most things there is no single
common cause or cure nor is there a
clear definition because how could we
possibly define any element of something
that is so abstract if we look at the
term loneliness online the first thing
that pops up is sadness because one has
no friends or company and I wouldn't say
that's entirely true it wasn't in my
case at least
for me it was actually around the time
when I was surrounded by people almost
constantly you know waking up breakfast
lunch going out going to bed very rarely
was I not accompanied by others although
I did of course try to find my alone
moments because introvert survival
instinct yet I felt really lonely and
it's not an easy thing to describe I can
barely even describe it to myself but it
was kind of like feeling trapped inside
my own thoughts and feelings and that
bubble almost became my comfort zone
like you almost accept that this state
of mind is your home now and at that
time I couldn't really understand why I
was feeling that way you know how you
sometimes can't seem to think clearly
when you're in a certain situation but
then once you're out of the situation
and you look back it all becomes crystal
clear
it's like ending a relationship and then
looking back like what the hell was I
thinking and all of a sudden it all just
makes sense you feel like the answers
were right in front of you all along but
you just couldn't see them because you
were blinded by love or whatever and I
think loneliness can kind of blind you
the same way it makes us see life
through a lens that might not always
reflect reality
so now that I have been out of the
situation for a long time I see how that
played out in my life back then and I
can see the things that had blinded me
now I'm not going to bore you with the
details but essentially I realized that
I wasn't fully living a life that
aligned with my authentic self and now
that might sound cliché and
cheesy but they're with me so let's say
you're at university studying to become
an engineer you're going to be
surrounding yourself with other people
who are doing the same thing but if
that's not really what you want to be
doing chances are you are going to feel
a disconnect with your surroundings and
perhaps even with yourself and that
doesn't mean that there's anything wrong
with those people or with you
it's just that just because something is
someone else's world it doesn't mean it
has to be yours and sometimes you
realize those things after you've
already invested yourself in them and
sometimes we talk ourselves into
thinking that we should be wanting this
thing because I don't know others want
it or because it would be wrong not to
want it like we should be grateful and
other times the thing that we're doing
used to be exactly what we wanted but
we're human beings we grow we learn we
change and that's just life you know no
matter how much you try to calculate the
risks and foresee the future to somehow
try to make sure that you're making the
right decisions in life you're not a
weather app you know and even those
things get it wrong like it's been
saying it's going to be sunny for a week
but where is the Sun stuck on now the
period of loneliness eventually passed
for me and this is footage of me from
some time later when my life wasn't
nearly as eventful and when I had way
less people around me
more like three including family now
before I share my thoughts on what I
think happened between then and now and
what I learned I do want to make it
clear that I don't have all of this
figured out I am no therapist or a
psychologist I'm not qualified to give
any
advice other than the time that I spent
researching for these videos I'm just
someone sharing their story in the hopes
of someone finding something valuable in
it and even if you don't maybe you like
the music or the visuals or something
anyway here's what I learned
[Music]
so this low point of mine was before I
guess I started walking this trail of
self-exploration that I'm currently on
and perhaps some people don't really
care about getting to know themselves
and they will do fine you know everyone
is different but for me I found a lot of
answers when I became more curious to
try to understand why I am the way I am
and what my true values are and what
brings me joy and what doesn't and this
isn't just something that you learn
through books and reading although
that's great I think the best way to get
to know yourself is through experience
through the ups and downs in life you
know by stepping out of your comfort
zone and challenging yourself even if
it's just a workout challenge or
challenging yourself to do something
that you've never done before being able
to answer questions like what scares me
what makes me really uncomfortable where
do I find my peace how do I deal with my
anger now how is this related to
loneliness so I think that if you don't
explore more of who you are you'll just
kind of get dragged along in life and
you will end up in places that you don't
want to be with people whose company you
don't really enjoy which will then lead
you to feel like you don't belong which
might end up with you feeling lonely or
perhaps you will end up nowhere and with
no one again because you don't know
where you would want to be or what kind
of people you would be interested in
meeting so instead of letting life lead
you you should be the leader of your
life another part of this is that
understanding yourself better will help
you understand other people better in
general as well and there's been Studies
on this I can link some in the
description if you're interested but
what I found is that and understanding
other people better
not only makes it easier to navigate
through all the shallowness but it also
welcomes the opportunity for deeper
human connection which ultimately is one
of the most meaningful things that we
can have in life I read somewhere that
the opposite of loneliness is meaningful
connection and I buy that you know not
only with others but with yourself as
well and ultimately I realized the
importance of doing what I want to be
doing rather than doing what is expected
of me and now I'm not talking about
taking responsibility and doing the
boring stuff that are our obligations
what I'm talking about aligns more with
the engineering example that I touched
on earlier we don't even always realize
it but a lot of the decisions that we
make are based on some sort of norm that
we're trying to follow or some sort of
expectation that we're trying to live up
to whether that's on a societal level or
if it's just in your family rather than
doing what we feel in our hearts you
know in other words we're letting other
people's expectations influence or even
determine you know our decisions and
those other people can be people we
don't even know you know people who
follow us online that we somehow feel
like we need to prove something too and
we do this all the time the degree we
choose how we choose to spend our money
how we choose to spend our weekend or a
birthday you know we try to please
others at the expense of our own
pleasure and it's like people who throw
big birthday parties or weddings with a
bunch of people who they don't even
really care about and who don't even
really care about them and they don't
even really enjoy themselves because
they're not doing what they actually
want to be doing but rather doing it to
prove something either to themselves or
to others and that's not what I would
call fulfillment in reality is that
one really cares that much about what
you do it's like when you go to the gym
and you think that everyone is staring
at you when in reality most people are
just focused on themselves I promise
now none of the things that I brought up
are things that you accomplish in a week
or ever really
there is no accomplishment here it's a
lifelong journey and this is just my
experience you know I like to see in
life as an adventure where I'm just
picking up lessons along the way but I'm
very aware that I'm only beginning to
scratch the surface and that's exciting
now since loneliness is so unique to
each person I would love to hear your
experience and I'm sure that others
would as well so feel free to share your
story let's chat in the comments and I
will see you there
you