If you've ever questioned yourself and tried to figure out whether or not you're dealing with someone who might really be a narcissist,
today's video might come in handy for you. I'll be sharing a recording that was sent to me by a fellow survivor
who would like some feedback on the recording as well as to share it for the benefits of other survivors.
So that's exactly what we're gonna do today at QueenBeeing.com.
We're gonna listen to this recording and kind of analyze it and figure out what it all means.
So let's get started. (Closed captioning provided by Athena Moberg and CPTSDfoundation.org)
I'm Angie Atkinson and this is toxic relationship rehab where I help you discover,understand and overcome toxic relationships.
So if you want to take back your life,embrace your power and become the best possible version of yourself,
stick with me, hit that subscribe button and let's get going.
So I got an email from a subscriber who we're gonna call Jane.
That's not her real name, but she did ask me to protect her identity, so that's what I'm gonna do.
She says to me
I have a conversation that I recorded between myself and my ex-husband and she said I thought your
viewers might want to listen to it and I thought you might like to use it to help other people,
but please do disguise his identity.
So I asked her to send the conversation after she asked me if it was okay for her to do that
and this is where it gets interesting,
before we start listening to the recording
I'd like to share with you a little bit of background information, because I think this is gonna be really helpful in understanding
what we're listening to. So, a little background information. Jane is autistic.
Jane met this person when she was just under 20 years old and he was 20 years older than her.
Jane was his third wife and she added that herself and the other two wives had all three divorced this person.
Jane says that this person was unfaithful not only to herself, but also to the two previous wives before her. She said he also
often has fall outs with his family, his friends and
insisted that he would never speak to them again,
but in the moment that he needed something he would come running and he would get them all to rally around him. Now, this conversation
happened during a time
she said while she was secretly planning her escape, as in she had plans to move out.
She said he had no idea and she had broken up with him while they were still living together.
He had struggled to accept the fact that they were actually broken. She said she ended their marriage
previously several years ago and she had been put into a special program by the police to keep her safe.
She said a couple years later,
he found her and persuaded her to come back and said that she had broken his heart because she left him and
added that because he had never actually been dumped before she was the first person to actually break it off of him.
This was devastating to him. She said about a year of dating later, she moved back in with him
and while they were legally married, they were still legally separated because they had been apart for several years up to this point.
She said during that time. He started to cheat on her all the time,
he was financially abusing her and also addicted to drugs and alcohol and therefore she got some general bullying from him as
well, so at that point that's when she ended the relationship again,
But she felt like she was trapped in the house because she didn't have any money or means to leave.
So prior to this night happening
she had been out of town, working during the summer for a couple of months and when she returned she said he attacked her and
then because he was terrified of the police, He- she thought, faked a heart attack.
Well, it turned out that he actually did have several small heart attacks that evening.
She offered to get him an ambulance at that time, he refused so she went on ahead and went to work.
She assumed he was faking it, turned out he wasn't lying and he really did have five small heart attacks.
She said another time, she took him to the hospital,
he had a minor surgery and while he didn't want her help in the hospital,
he did want her to take the day off work and take care of him
and she said she did of course, because that was a human thing to do.
She said during that time he was going back and forth between calling her every name under the Sun and insisting that he still loved
her and she added that he had a terrible relationship with his children,
most of them didn't even send him a Father's Day card. None of them visited him after the surgery.
She said he'd go back and forth between
wanting her completely out of his life - wanting her to be basically his wife and best friend.
So like I said the conversation begins where she is already planning her escape, but he doesn't know it.
So let's take a listen to it. Here you go.
What did you think of that? Jane told me that after this conversation happened,
She finally was able to move out without warning and since then has had no direct contact with him.
She said she did file for divorce and it has been granted, but during the time that she was filing for divorce a sibling of
the ex stalked and terrorized her until finally she was able to get a restraining order and he was unable to continue.
She said that when she finally did get her divorce,
even though she knew it was the right thing to do and it was the best thing she could have done she did cry for
a couple of days and I think that's normal because we all have to grieve these
relationships even though they're not healthy and even though we know that we shouldn't be in them.
They're still our normal and we do have to grieve that stuff,
we still spent a certain amount of time with these people, in this case, she spent more than a decade with this man.
She said she's still struggling
and still finding it really difficult and the fact that she was nineteen when they met and she is autistic
she says, makes it even more difficult for her.
She said he isolated her from everyone that she knew from making her quit school to
isolating her from her family and alienating them from her.
She said she hasn't spoken to most of her family members in years because of him.
She added that one of the hardest things that
she dealt with with this person was his refusal to fight for them. Inher case, even though he kept coming back as you heard
in that conversation,
he would say if that's how you feel then go, just go and she wondered why didn't he ask
how can we make this better? Could we try out something else? Can we just talk about it? She said that it made her feel
awful and worthless and not good enough. Why wouldn't he try for her? And then she added that
she still does have strong feelings for him, but she'll never tell him that and I get it my friend,
I totally get it. Some narcissists do refuse to fight for you and they just push you away,
like you're nothing, others will actually fight so hard you fear leaving at all, but that's not because they're fighting for you
that's because they're fighting to keep their favorite source of narcissistic supply on hand.
It really just depends on the situation and the type of
narcissist. I get the impression that this guy kind of does the martyr thing, so he may have been a more covert type.
I don't know how his personality
was when they met, but I assume it was enough to attract her and bring her in.
She said she made this recording in the first place, because he would gaslight her so often that she began to doubt her own sanity.
He would often tell her, you just make things up as you go along
don't ya and as we all know, that's pretty common for narcissist in varying iterations.
While we aren't going to diagnose this man as a narcissist, we can certainly look at this
situation and recognize certain patterns and signs there, we can also recognize that diagnosis or not,
this guy is toxic to Jane's life. And that's exactly what we should all avoid. Yes, he gaslights her.
Yes, he treats her terribly and yes she deserves better and she's worth more than that.
Please remember that if someone is making you feel terrible about yourself or your life,
if every time you spend time with a person is horrible and miserable,
if every time you turn around
this person is making you feel like you don't matter or you're not
important or if you stress out when they're on their way home because you know that bad things are about to happen,
you deserve better than that.
You don't deserve to live in fear and angst, you deserve to live with peace and happiness in your life,
it's true, please don't forget.
Alright, now this brings me to the question of the day and the question of the day is could you relate to this conversation today?
And what did you think about it? How would have you advised Jane to deal with this person?
And what are your thoughts on the conversation?
Share your thoughts, share your ideas, share your experiences in the comments section below and let's talk about it.
Take a look at this video if you'd like to learn more.
Before I go, I just want to say a really quick
thank you to everyone who watches my videos,likes my videos,comments on my videos,shares my videos,
by doing that you're helping me to reach more survivors of narcissistic abuse and that's truly my mission in life,
so thank you for that.
While I'm here, I'd like to also say a quick thank you to my channel members, those people who choose to support me through the channel membership program
here on YouTube and you can see their names scrolling right there. Thank you sincerely for your support,
it means the world to me. Before I go, take a look at the videos
I'm leaving for you right there and right there and
while you're here, hit that subscribe button so we can stay connected and continue on this healing journey together.
As always, thank you so much for being a part of my day and a part of my life and hey,
thanks for letting me be a part of yours, it really does mean a lot to me. I'll see you soon.