- Oh, look at the lotion.
He got some shit in his hair.
it's coming down the glasses. - Oh god, he's got gel.
- He's got white cream dripping down.
- [Kevin] He's got that stuff Tom Cruise uses.
(typewriter clicking) (jazzy trumpet music)
- Hey guys, welcome to the show.
My guests today really need no introduction.
They're global superstars.
They've probably worked out three times already today each.
- I did. - It's Mark Wahlberg
and Kevin Hart, stars of "Me Time."
- Hi, how are you sir? - Hey guys.
- Hi Josh. - How you doing, Josh?
- I'm doing well except I'm a little worried because
I've been told that you guys have done the prep today.
- Yeah, that's right, that's right, good job.
That's just a little taste
of what you're gonna get, all right?
Why don't you stop being a pansy?
- So what do I need to know, what are we doing here today?
- All right, so look, we're asking you questions, right?
- We're gonna see how well
you know me and how well you know Kevin.
- I've been talking to you guys for over a decade each.
We've talked thousands of times.
I probably know everything
there is to know, so I'm not worried.
- Okay, how many movies has The Rock done with Kevin?
- The Rock, okay, so two "Jumanjis."
There's "Central Intelligence."
There's "Hobbs & Shaw," four.
- Wrong. - Wrong.
That's wrong. - What was the fifth?
- That's wrong. - Yeah, yeah.
- Okay, maybe just one each. - Here you go.
I gotta get my aim together.
- Okay, you got it.
I think you got it. - I got one more question.
- One more and then we're done?
- When Kevin does a movie with The Rock,
how many times does Kevin have to kiss Rock's tuchus?
(Kevin chuckles) Huh?
- Tuchus? - Yeah.
- What does that mean? - That's what the kids say,
that's how they called it.
- Is that Hebrew for "ass?" - Yeah, exactly.
(Kevin and Josh laughing) Exactly.
- There's no real answer to that.
- You don't answer that,
he's being an asshole. - Does he do it standing up?
All right, the first concert Kevin
ever attended was a Michael Jackson concert, true or false?
- False.
- Yeah, you're right. - Why would you think that
I wouldn't go see Michael Jackson?
- No, he's a great artist. - You racist asshole.
I would've seen Mike if I could have, I couldn't afford it.
- "Sesame Street" on ice.
- All right, that's enough. (Josh laughs)
Okay, here you go. - That's your first concert.
- Mark has starred five films directed by Peter Berg.
- That's false, I feel like there are four.
- They're all the same movie. - What are you talking about?
That's true. (buzzer buzzes)
Do you not know Mark Wahlberg's filmography?
- Is it not enough that you're shooting me with water guns?
You don't have to yell at me too.
- "Lone Survivor," "Deepwater Horizon,"
"Patriots Day," "Mile 22," "Spenser Confidential."
The answer's true, you're gonna get it.
- Go, combo. - No, he's gonna get it.
- Combo. - All right.
You're gonna get it. - Oh, look at the lotion.
He got some shit in his hair.
It's coming down the glasses. - Oh god, he's got gel.
- He's got white cream dripping down.
- [Kevin] He's got that stuff Tom Cruise uses.
- You got the lift? (Kevin laughs)
- [Producer] Let's just stop
for a second and let's just give you a towel.
- Oh, I'm fine. - No, he should keep it.
- I'm fine. - Yes, he's good.
- Some people in the room care.
- Why do you want a towel?
It messes up the bit. - Okay.
- The bit is destruction.
- All right, Kevin served as the MC
for whose "Comedy Central Roast" in 2015?
- He's not gonna get it right. - Oh, man.
- [Kevin] He's not gonna get it right.
- You don't even know. - You know what, man?
You can't even help you. - Eddie Murphy.
- Wrong. (buzzer buzzes)
- Eddie Murphy's roast? - Justin Bieber.
- Why, because he's black?
- No. - You son of a bitch.
- You can't roast Eddie Murphy.
- How dare you. - And you think that
I'm not gonna tell him what you just said?
- Insulting Eddie. - Huh?
You got some nerve! - Wow.
- Associating me with Eddie because we're both black.
- But you're both really funny.
- Yeah, good luck explaining that to the NAACP.
It's over for you after today.
- How many acting credits does Kevin have on his IMDB?
- Who would know?
You don't know that. - Yeah, I do.
- Oh yeah, what's the answer?
- You don't think I have the answer?
- Yeah, give me a gun.
- No, 'cause Kevin's hair color will change and everything.
Be grayer than a mother fucker in a minute.
You spray that shit, oh my god,
you know the mess you'll make right now if you spray him up?
- You see how scared he got?
- Mark sprays his abs on, there it is.
(Josh laughs)
We're giving out body information.
Oh, this is a good one.
How many nipples does Mark have?
(Josh laughs)
- Josh knows this. - From experience.
Up close and personal. - So you have to know this.
- Three nipples?
- That's actually good. - Wow, you got one right.
- How did he know that?
Jesus, why do you know he has three nipples?
- Why is this the one one I get right?
- Exactly, now we dry you off, see?
If you get it right, we'll fan you off.
- Oh gee, thanks.
- Oh, by the way, that's more annoying than it looks.
- He shot me. - I'm gonna wet his feet.
Because to walk around with wet socks.
- We get in the sock. - Yeah.
- When I die of pneumonia,
I want you to speak at my funeral.
- Wow.
Okay, go on Mark, you give him the last one.
- There was an actor, let's see if you can guess this actor.
I was doing a film. - Yeah.
- Showed up to work late one day, I was doing an audition.
We were doing a very famous scene and me and the director
started giving him a hard time because he was late.
He threw a marshmallow at me.
I caught it, I threw it back.
It missed and hit him in the head and he tried to fight me.
(everyone laughs)
For real.
- That sounds like a classic Leonardo DiCaprio story.
- No, nope. (Kevin laughs)
- Is it "The Departed?"
Is it anyone from "The Departed?"
Alec Baldwin? - No.
- Not him, no? - You're not gonna tell us?
You can't tell us? - No, I'll tell you after.
- What? - Okay, tell me after.
(Josh laughs) Yeah, tell me after.
Josh, I am disappointed because you are
what I will refer to as an almanac
when it comes to the world of film.
I've never seen you miss.
The one that you got right was about his nipples,
which had nothing to do with movies at all.
Had nothing to do with movies at all.
- [Mark] That's true.
- All right, I'm gonna go to the sauna.
(Kevin laughs) Dry off a little bit.
Gentleman, congratulations on the film.
I would say this has been fun but it hasn't.
- It has been fun, Josh.
It's always good to see you, man.
- I think when you watch it back,
you'll appreciate it a little.
- I'm never gonna look at this again.
(jazzy ensemble music)