Hi, and in this video, I'm going to share
the biggest mistake that women make with men.
[MUSIC]
Hi there, Matt Shaffer, your empowerment, connection, and relationship coach.
I'm a former attorney who chose to use his powers for good
to support women in creating more fulfilling relationships with men.
That's why I'm so excited to talk about this topic.
The biggest mistake I see women--
I work with women around the country and around the world.
This is the biggest mistake I see women make
when it comes to men and it really gets in the way of them
fostering meaningful connection when that's really all that so many women want,
or it's a very important thing that they want, right?
We're going to dive into this,
but before we do take a second, hit that little subscribe button.
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Let's dive into this.
The biggest mistake I see women make time and time and time again
when it comes to men,
is they take an experience that they had with one man or a couple of men
and create a story about all men.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
I'm sure that you do because you'll have a bad date
or a relationship that doesn't end well.
You'll have one experience with one man or maybe an experience with a couple men
and because of those experiences,
you will create a narrative or a story or an assumption about all men.
A lot of times, that assumption or that story that you created,
it doesn't serve you.
I've had clients who, up until working with me,
had literally sworn off dating because they had a string of bad dates,
or they decided that online dating was a nightmare
because they had a couple of relationships from online dating
that didn't really work out.
I really want you to look at those stories.
I want you to ask yourself,
where have you created narratives or beliefs around all men
or an entire way of dating?
Like I'm not going to go to bars, or I'm not going to go out to social situations
because all the men there are scumbags,
or I'm not going to do online dating because it's all scammers.
There's no good men there.
When we create huge generalizations about all people or an entire community
or an entire avenue of meeting people,
oftentimes it's just our ego.
It's just our insecurity attaching to a painful experience
and wanting to avoid that.
So we just decide, you know what, to avoid that pain,
I'm going to eliminate this entire thing.
Unfortunately, a lot of times what that ends up doing is isolating us
because our ego wants to keep us safe.
That isn't a bad impulse,
but the way it goes about it is by cutting off anything that might be a risk,
and a lot of times dating is a risk.
If we're going to get out there and we're going to be connecting with men
and we're going to be getting to know them,
and we're going to be getting vulnerable with men in lots of different situations,
there's going to be a risk of getting hurt involved
and just because that risk exists, it doesn't mean that it isn't worth it.
I'm not saying don't learn from your experiences.
It's important that we learn from all of our experiences
and we grow from them and we don't continue to make the same mistakes
or the same self-destructive patterns
when it comes to dating and when it comes to relationships.
For example, if you date a narcissist
and you have one of those experiences with the narcissist,
you're going to learn that you do not want to be with a narcissist ever again,
and you're going to know those red flags and you're going to be looking for them.
That is not a bad thing,
but I don't want you to create a story that all men are narcissists,
or that no men can be trusted,
or if a man seems a little selfish, then he must be a narcissist.
See, that's when the wound that we may have around an experience
becomes this huge generalization
that can actually keep us out of meaningful connection
and stop us from being open.
That's what I want to really focus on
is that instead of allowing a generalization to close us off,
we want to stay committed to what we want to create in dating and relationships.
Stay open to the type of a relationship that you want to experience,
to the way you want to feel when you're connected to a man
and you get to trust and have faith that if you stay grounded in those beliefs,
in that intention,
and you keep putting yourself out there and being open
that you are going to draw in the right type of man.
All the men that aren't the right type of men,
you're going to have the discernment from the lessons that you've learned
to be able to avoid them.
When you're on a date, when you're connecting with a man,
when you're connecting with another human being,
really see them for who they are.
Don't allow the stories that you may have created around men to project onto them.
Take them and appreciate them for who they are
and how they're making you feel in the moment and then make a decision.
Is this person that I'm getting to know
in alignment with what I want to create and how I want to feel or not?
If you make your decision on dating and relationship based upon that,
based upon your present experience of the person in front of you
and your grounded intention for the relationship that you want to have
and how you want to feel with a man,
you're going to make great decisions and you're not going to cut yourself off
from the beautiful experiences that are available to you.
To bring this back around,
the biggest mistake I see women make
is they make generalizations about all men
based upon an experience they have with one man or a couple men.
That cuts them off from so many opportunities.
Don't allow one bad experience or one bad relationship
to convince you that love doesn't exist,
or it isn't worth going out there and getting after it
because I guarantee you, it is.
If you operate from your heart
and you're open in a discerning powerful, grounded empowered way,
you'll be able to create the relationship that you want.
I hope this video resonated with you.
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and don't forget to click the link in the comments or caption.
I'm creating a great training that I know you're going to love.
Thanks so much and I'll see you next time on my YouTube channel.
Bye-bye.