So here's how stage moms destroy childhoods.
This is a sensitive topic.
It's probably going to make some people upset.
I'm probably going to make some people mad,
and it's probably why I haven't really been super vocal about it.
You know, I have a mom.
My mom was my manager for a really long time.
My mom was my manager until I was 21. And we learned a lot.
We learned a lot about our relationship as mom and daughter.
And we learned a lot about her as my business partner.
At a certain point, when I was 21, I decided to go my own way.
And we are still very close. She lives close by me.
I wish nothing but the best for my mom.
I want to take care of her.
Just know that I absolutely respect everybody who has
good intentions for their kids.
Before I go into how I feel about stage moms in particular.
We all have heard about this cliché of a stage mom.
A stage mom is somebody who pushes their kids, lives vicariously
through their child,
puts them in front of the camera and makes sure that they have
cute clothes on.
Sometimes they dye their children's hair to be super blond
or like some crazy stuff so that their kid can be camera ready.
There's crazy stories.
Kids like Liza Minnelli, who were addicted to drugs at an early
age or giving uppers and downers. And fiinding them from their parents.
And just a lot of anecdotes of child stars
that just didn't get the parenting that they needed.
I have witnessed a lot of, I would say, child abuse based on the way
that some of my coworkers were treated by their parents.
I probably won't say too many names at all because it's child abuse.
You don't really need to be blowing the whistle.
That's those people's trauma and those people's
experience as much as we all want to talk about it.
We should really shed light on how it works and how to stop it.
I've always been an advocate for children to have a voice.
I believe that having sort of a social worker in the mix of our union,
which is the Screen Actors Guild, is super beneficial.
There was a program that I was fully backing
called the Looking Ahead Program that allowed a social worker
into the lives of the child and the parents and
took an inventory on where the child was in
terms of feeling about their career and their finances.
They had financial fluency classes for the parents so that the parents
were actively taking an interest in their children's future.
The type of parent that will go into a program like this
is not necessarily the type of parent that's going to violate this child's
self-worth and childhood.
When we think of childhood, especially now being a parent.
It is a simple, beautiful thing.
You wake up, you go to school, hopefully you don't get bullied
and you have friends and you do fun things with those friends.
Granted, it is a complicated world, but for a period of time,
your childhood should be protected. And your parents,
your mom, is responsible for making sure that you have
special moments in your life.
That's just the way it is. I'm not going to sugarcoat it.
Does your child have a talent? Great.
Awesome. Doesn't mean you need to exploit.
It doesn't mean that you need
to turn your child into a brand or a business.
If that child wants to start empowering themselves
and doing it themselves and they ask for your help.
And it seems like very organic. Great.
But the parents that actively are in a rut with making money for themselves
and are trying to push their kids in to the business and are willing to do
whatever it takes to do that, they're just child abusers.
That's just the way it is.
Even when a child has some success, the abuse doesn't stop.
In fact, child abuse gets worse
as the child gets more success, because the stage
mom tends to feel like they need to have more control over the child.
They get spooked and sometimes the restrictions get more arbitrary.
I know people whose parents
locked them out of their fridges because they were overweight.
Let me tell you what's worse than a stage mom.
A stage dad. Stage dads are just so gross.
I'm not talking about a stage dad who's like, I got my kid.
If they need me, I'm going to be here. I'm going to stand back.
A Papa Bear and a Mama Bear
is very different than a stage mom and a stage dad.
I know of a stage dad who was in like a room full of executives
with his daughter. And was essentially like, isn't my daughter a hot piece?
Like, why don't we promote her as such?
That psychologically damages the child or the teenager
at that point. That type of behavior, when you see that coming out on set,
is only the tip of the iceberg of the abuse that the child
is experiencing behind closed doors.
You know what really sucks?
Is that I grew up seeing this thinking it was normal.
My mom had a drinking problem and she doesn't drink.
She hasn’t drank in decades.
We had some hard times, mostly because I needed her
not to be so lonely and I needed her to be there for me.
I think it made her feel very isolated.
I think maybe she drank because she felt isolated. But
stage moms are really, really lonely.
They don't have anyone to relate to accept their kid.
And then what happens is, is that you enter into this dynamic with your kid
that's completely unhealthy,.
Because once your child realizes that they have some success
and some control over you as the parent, we're not talking about
the kind of power struggle where your kids just going
to not show up for curfew.
We're talking about a lifelong resistance and just hatred
for you taking away their childhood.
And I feel like people who go through this know what I'm talking about.
Maybe some people can relate to this if they've been like
pushed into sports at a young age, and they only could do things
that were related to their sport. And they had to wake up
super duper early and they couldn't eat the things that they wanted.
And they were pushed, pushed, pushed
only to find out that in college, they didn't want to play that sport.
They didn't want to live out their parent's fantasies for them.
They wanted to have their own life.
And the trauma that comes from pushing your child at an early age,
it's really not worth it.
It's got to be a very special type of child
that enters into this industry at an early age. It has to be organic.
It really even shouldn't be 50/50.
It can't be like, oh, your child wants it and you want it.
It has to be more the kid than you.
You shouldn't want anything but their safety.
And you should be terrified
if your child actively wants to be in the industry
because there are so many red flags about it.
Now, I'm not 100 percent saying don't put your kid in the business.
I'm just saying that you really need to do your work.
You need to put in so much more of an effort than you realize.
You leave your home, you displace your child, and you go to
a different state most times. There's repercussions that come with that.
Probably for the marriage, for the other kids, that's just messed up.
You got to be a parent to every one of your kids.
I will say that I have seen some successful stage moms.
Let me tell you about how to be a successful stage mom.
Number one, don't push your kid.
Let them come to you.
So passionate that this is what they want to do.
Number two, never leave your kids side.
Have eyes on your kid at all times because you just want to know
what they're experiencing.
You got to watch out for people
coming in and trying to wedge in between you and your child.
That is your child. That is your number one responsibility.
You are their guardian.
So guard. Number three, teach your child financial fluency.
Make sure you're investing their money wisely.
It's part of being the guard.
Number four, make sure your child does things outside of the industry
so that they have a perspective outside of just that one place.
So I was at a holiday fundraiser.
There was some Hollywood people there.
In fact, there was two little Hollywood darling kids.
One of the children has been on a show for a very, very long
time. From the time she was basically a baby.
And now she's like, I don't know, 11, 12 years old, something like that.
And so I heard the craziest conversation transpired
and I literally picked up my child, who was like one and a half
and like moved away because I was so scared of this conversation.
So the little girl's like.
So what did you get your mom for Christmas? And little girls like,
I don't know. I'm thinking about getting her some jewelry.
And the other girl goes. Well, I was going to get her a Louis Vuitton
bag, but I just don't know. I think that sounds cheap.
And I just was floored by the conversation that these
young, young young girls were having.
I can't allow my kid not to have a perspective, and neither should you.
Your child needs to have life experiences
that simulate a normal childhood if they're going to be in the
industry. Super important.
And also, it is something that my mom did really, really well.
And honestly, my mom really did try to take me out.
And I think that's a testament to even how I'm approaching my life
today, is that it's not one thing.
It's not black and white. And most importantly is that,
you know, you're just not stuck in one place.
Make sure that your child has ties to their friends from home.
They don't just have this one life, this one way of life.
Another really important thing is education.
Education provides perspective as well.
And if they're able to go to school or college, that can give them
a deeper understanding of self outside of this industry.
I am an advocate for kids to go to college.
I don't know how they want to pay for it.
I know it's expensive, but
figured out if your kid's successful, put the money away.
That's what we did. And it was very helpful.
Listen, I don't know exactly how
to embrace someone who says I'm a stage mom, loud and proud.
All I can say is, it's not cool to be a (bleep) to your kids.
It's not cool to tell your kids
to keep working hard because they're just kids.
It's glamorized a little bit.
By some of these reality shows, I'm not for it.
I think that there's a a larger life outside of one little industry.
Granted, that's a very pervasive industry. That's media.
But I also think that we're talking about your kids life,
the way your kid sees themselves,
the way they interact with other human beings.
The self-worth and the relationships that they can have and the love
that they can have in their heart.
Not to mention the childhood that they need to have.
So, yes, being a stage mom is something that you can't really avoid.
But you get to decide
what kind of stage, mom, are you going to be,
the one that's going
to give your kid perspective and a leg up in their life
so that if they decide to leave the business,
they're going to be just fine?
Or are you going to be the kind that does your kids a disservice?
It makes them feel trapped.
I really hope you choose the first one.