♪♪
How many times must I tell you?
This is not a contest. This is my life --
Hey, is that breast milk? Can I get a pull?
If you people get out of my garage,
you can have all the breast milk you want!
Puh-lease. When I win this truck,
women will be chucking breast milk at me.
[ Chewing ] Stan: Mm. Oh.
Now, me and Jeff don't always eat flappy-Js --
another word for F-jacks, Jeff, try to keep up --
with our shirts off, but I just thought you guys
should see how much better my body is than my partner's.
Hayley: [Slurring] Your partner's?
[ Crunching ]
[ Glass shatters ] Shyeah right.
Jeff's the only one choppin' and sawin'.
He might as well be on his own.
Psh. Yeah, okay, whatever.
Can you guys believe this nonsense?
[ Chewing ]
See? They all know it's true.
Jeff's better off without you. That's ridiculous.
And there's no way to know for sure who's better anyway.
So you'll just have to trust me and the guys that I'm better.
There's a solo competition.
Bring it on.
I would "bring it on," obviously,
but it's probably not the season.
He's right. It's not the season.
Well, you lucked out this time, Jeff.
Your embarrassment will just have to wait.
Season starts Tuesday.
[ Soft rumbling ]
Roger, you gotta help me!
Gooo awayyyy. Roger, please.
You gotta teach me everything you know about solo jacking.
And to be clear, I mean --
Singles competition timber sports.
What else could you mean? But why?
Ugh. It's a whole thing with Jeff -- Say no more.
Well, I do want to give a few more details.
Do you remember when we first met Jeff
and he was only wearing one flip-flop?
So, not only was the watermelon seedless --
Stop, stop, stop!
You wanna look good in front of those gorgeous-ass lumberjacks.
Just give me a second.
Huge Jeanman-Jackman. Lumberjack coach.
Listen, I used to be the greatest coach of lumber jerks
in the Pacific Northwest 'til I punched a student in the face.
And then I punched another. Got a teensy drinking problem.
I've punched every single one of 'em.
Gaaah! I wanna sock your ugly mug so bad, I can taste it!
But I respect boundaries. I'm not your coach.
You're hired. Ugh! Unh!
Oops. I shouldn't have done that before I did this.
[Slurring] When my hair's a-danglin',
I've been a-drinkin'.
And now I can do this.
Unh! And back to this!
And back and forth! Enh!
Unh! Unh!
Ad infinitum!
Unh! Unh! Unh!
[ Punches landing ]
♪♪
[ Pistol fires ]
♪♪
Whoo-ooh!
Hair's a-danglin'!
♪♪
[ Gasps ]
[ Pistol fires ]
♪♪
[ Applause ]
Ugh! I instantly regret throwing my pickle!
Ah, that's my cue.
Get your replacement pickles here!
Pickles for chuckin' and chewin'!
I oughta punch your pickle!
Ooh! Oh, no, you don't.
Hoppity-boppity-boppity-boppity- boppity-boppity-boppity-boppity!
[ Click ]
[ Chainsaw buzzing ]
♪♪
[ Chainsaws buzzing ]
Australian announcer: Smith and Fister are neck-and-neck
as they saw through their final cookie!
This is gonna be really close!
♪♪
A tie! A tie!
Fister and Smith both qualify
for the World Championship in Alaska!
Roger, your training worked!
Hit me again! I wanna smoke Jeff in Alaska.
I'm happy to hit you, Stan, but it's gonna be with the truth.
You'll never win in Alaska.
Of course I will. You saw me out there.
I did. But Alaska? That's the championships.
They're gonna check to make sure the wood isn't butter.
How can wood be butter?
I have been replacing all your wood
with a simulacrum made of the product...butter.
Butterwood. The trick wood you've been chopping and sawing.
We've been cheating. You're a terrible lumberjack!
[ Groans ]
Aw. Don't be sad.
How 'bout a couple of quick punches to cheer me up?