- This is intriguing.
$100 for a bedtime tuck in.
- I will give that guy $100 to not enter my house.
Stay the hell away from my house around bedtime.
(upbeat jazz music)
- Hey guys, you know my guests from their work together
on "The Good Place."
They either really like each other
or once killed a guy together and have a blood pack
to never speak of it because they have a new movie
called "Queenpins."
It's Kristen Bell and Kirby Howell-Baptiste. Hi guys!
- Hey. - Hello!
- Congratulations on your new film. It is very, very funny.
Talk to me a little bit about your own propensity
towards scams.
Would you consider yourself gullible?
Do you indulge in scam artists on the phone?
Kirby, what do you got?
- No, I will not. I don't think I'm gullible.
I actually think I'm too cynical about certain things
to be gullible.
Like I love a deal,
but if something feels too good to be true,
it's too good to be true.
- Since this film is in part about coupons
and getting deals, I have a game for you guys
that we're calling "Steal or Squeal."
Now we've combed the internet for some unusual items.
You tell me if you think this is a steal
or if you squeal, if this is just bad news, a bad idea.
You ready?
For only $3, this guy is gonna draw a cat just for you.
Is that a steal or are you squealing?
- Steal. I have I have to know, I just have to see it.
Is he good or is it just like,
you're gonna get whatever you're gonna get.
- By the way, includes shipping and handling,
so already you're good.
- Maybe sort of two circles on top of each other,
triangle, and some whiskers.
Maybe he's like, I didn't tell you what kind of cat.
I just said. - Right.
- In which case, out of respect for this man.
- Yeah. It's a steal. It's still worth it.
- Yeah. - How about this?
This is an exclusive ocean voyage
with a Leonardo DiCaprio impersonator.
What? There's a vague resemblance there.
It's $12,500.
You got a Titanic DVD signed by the impersonator.
- $12,000 for any,
you better get something with four wheels.
- It's 13 days guys. It's 13 days with this guy!
- That's a squeal. - Follow ups.
What's the food like? Where am I sleeping?
Who can I bring? Is it just me and fake Leo?
- Honestly, that would be a squeal if it was free.
- $100 for a bedtime tuck in.
- I will give that guy $100 to not enter my house.
Stay the hell away from my house around bedtime.
- Kristen, you can buy a piece of planet Mars.
For only $13, you get an acre of land from Mars.
What do you think?
Deal or squeal? - Oh yeah.
Steal. - Steal! Can you also.
What is that website because that is land
that is ripe and I would like to buy some.
- You can't go wrong with real estate.
- And we're gonna be in on the ground level.
- Ground level, baby! - Angel investors in Mars.
- Groupon is offering to name your child
for a mere $1,000.
You don't have to worry about naming your kid, Kristen,
what do you think?
- If you can't name your own kid,
you shouldn't be having a kid.
- Understood. That's a squeal.
A live elf on a shelf.
Again, $100 an hour. He has the costume.
He's yours- - How big is he?
- He looks like an average man, an average sized man.
- So he's gonna break my shelf if he sits on it?
No. - This guy will break
your shelf - He's gonna break my shelf.
- And only charge you $100. - For $100.
- What a good story for friends and family.
- Also, the whole thing with elf on a shelf is
that you move them around,
like you put them different places.
So I wake up every day and this man is in a different place
in my house on furniture that he's too big to be on?
Squeal! - You want a life-size
Amish man in you're home?
- I don't want anyone in my home.
- I don't like pop ins. Definite pass.
- Okay. That's all I got.
So we didn't really do well in that. Sorry.
One of the unique aspects of your character in this,
Kristen, is she is an Olympian
in a sport not many people think of as an Olympic sport.
She's a race walker.
- Yeah, people don't know really about this sport,
to be honest.
- Let me name an Olympic sport
and you tell me if this is an actual Olympic sport
or one I just made up.
Has tug of war ever been an Olympic sport?
- No. - Yes.
- It has. From 1900 to 1920, it was an Olympic sport.
Has a staring contest ever been an actual Olympic sport
and should it be?
- Hasn't been and it definitely should be, final answer.
- Correct it has not been.
And you're saying yes, it should be.
I agree, that is a feat of strength in its own way.
- I think so, yeah.
- Was live pigeon shooting ever an actual Olympic sport?
- Ooh, hope not. - Probably,
but I don't like that. - Blood bath?
- Yeah, I'm not so fucked up that I would make that up.
Apparently in the 1900 games, 300 pigeons were killed.
- Jesus, guys. - God I hope they ate them
or something or what a waste.
- Speaking of eating, hot dog eating contest,
has that ever been an Olympic sport?
- I don't think it has been and I would definitely watch it.
It wouldn't be the healthiest Olympic sport we've got.
- No, and nor would it be the one
that you necessarily want your country
to be the champion of.
- Yeah, let's be clear.
America would definitely be the champion, sadly,
of any competitive eating competition.
Yay, America.
Has poodle clipping, the clipping of a poodle,
ever been an Olympic sport?
- I have something of a poodle.
I don't know, they're rescues,
but every once in awhile I lay him on the floor
and I just go like this with the kitchen shears
and then get his hair a little shorter.
- Do you think what you do is worthy
of being honored at the Olympics?
- Of course. I thought I made that clear.
- It was kind of an Olympic sport. It was a test sport.
They tested it out at the games once
and they didn't stick with it.
I've got some would you rather questions
for you guys if you'll indulge me.
Would you rather be stuck
with the worst haircut you've ever had
or have perpetual bad BO?
- I'll take the haircut. - Me too.
- Yeah, BO is like offensive to other people.
A haircut, I have to just deal with in my own mind
and I don't like it, but BO is like hard for other people
to be in the same space and I don't like that.
- Yeah. - Would you rather have
your good old "Good Place" costar Ted Danson
or your "Queenpins" costar Vince Vaughn hate you?
- Hate? - Yes.
- Ted Danson doesn't hate anything or anybody.
Not that Vince hates a bunch of things, but-
- But it would be really odd if Ted hated you.
- Yeah. But I'm much closer with Ted.
So I can't do anything to hurt Ted.
- I'm gonna go Vince as well.
- Would you guys rather poop lava or pee fire?
- Does it hurt on either end
like after you eat a spicy pizza, the next morning?
- Yeah, yeah, of course it hurts. Yeah.
- Oh then I gotta go poop because you poop less often
than you pee. - 100%.
- Thank you for giving that serious question
the seriousness it deserves, I appreciate that.
Would you rather have one arm
or one leg be six feet long?
- This is impossible. - Not it's not, arm.
- I'm taking leg. I would love to be tall.
You would have one long arm?
- One long leg? Do you know how you'd walk?
- You put a giant boot on!
You're gonna have one arm. - Just sit-
- What do you do with your arm?
What do you do with your arm?
When you're in an interview, what are you gonna do?
You're gonna sit one arm?
- I would roll it up. - Oh my God.
No. - But if your foot,
you'd get up, like, let's say your character has
to walk to the kitchen and you'd be like.
- I'm always gonna be in one platform. Always!
- A six foot platform? - Well I'm 5'6.
- And you'll be 11'6.
- It's not increased to six foot, it's added more,
another six feet?
- Yeah, yeah, another six feet.
- Oh, I'll never work in this town again.
It's an arm, you're right.
It's an arm, it's an arm.
- You don't have to yell for anyone anymore.
If you're far away from someone,
you just lift your hand
and you go tap, tap, tap, tap.
- Kirby, great to meet you. Kristen, always a pleasure.
Congratulations on the movie guys
and thanks for indulging my insanity as always.
- Thank you. - Thanks, Josh.
(upbeat jazz music)