Hi.
Welcome to New Body.
Can I help you?
Yeah, I just started working out this morning,
so I need a little revamp on my wardrobe
for the new body I'm about to have.
Oh, my God, fabulous. What's your fitness plan?
Well, I switched to Diet Snapple
Mm-hmm.
So, you know, a change a-gonna come.
What size are you now?
I'm a 4 at Old Navy.
Yeah.
And what size are you thinking your new body's gonna be?
Uh, I'm definitely gonna be a size 2.
Thanks.
And is there any special occasion you're preparing for?
Yeah, I've been catfishing a guy in Michigan
and sending him pictures of Kate Bosworth
and saying that they're me,
and we're supposed to meet up in two weeks.
Same.
Why don't we walk over here to the "five months from now" section?
Come on.
Oh, my God, I love this.
But it's a size 0.
That's a size smaller than I was thinking
my new body would be.
But it's so cute.
Isn't it so cute?
Doesn't it make you want to kill yourself?
All right, listen to me.
If I were you, I would just make my delusional diet
a little more unachievable.
Then it will hang on you.
Why not?
Do you have a place where I can sit and eat this muffin?
Oh, sure, right over there.
How's it going in there?
Be honest.
Honestly, I love this for future you.
You need to wear this
when all your lies are exposed in Michigan.
That's what I was thinking.
The best part about it is it's so easy.
So easy.
Also, is there a place I can sit
and eat this other muffin?
It's my cheat day.
Oh, yeah, right where you had the first one.
Thanks.
Amazing.
Um, this was unrealistic.
No returns!