- The stage has thus been set with lover one.
Soon, lover two's debut shall hath begun.
But if it's points our players want, material,
they must mix in the names of breakfast cereals.
- Hmm.
- Aye me!
- Lady Portia, wherefore such trystful sighs
'scape forth from out thy beauteous lips?
- Would it were summer,
and yet now does enter on this day the coldest of winter,
and so it seems to me, the weather makes many mistakes,
to shower upon us these snowy dear Frosted Flakes.
- That is a point for Blaine.
- But come, if there are frosted flakes about,
let a sunny disposition reign within thy heart
to banish off the cold that would beset thy spirit.
Does not thy father throw a fete this very day?
A mid-afternoon party,
not quite a brunch or a late night jam,
that thou shalst enjoy?
- How I would enjoy a lover's lunch.
Oh, how I would have a Captain me to Crunch.
- That's a point for Blaine.
- But I tell thee- - To crunch?
- My heart. - Kiss sick not, young Portia,
for so rough a thing as crunching.
- Oh, I wanna be crunched.
- I say, in this crunching, thy heart should find defeat.
Rather be gentler with thy spirit
and seek a smoother Cream of Wheat.
- (guffaws) - That's a point for Ross.
- Daughter my.... - Uh, Duke.
- Yes, nurse well met.
Daughter, I tell thee, this fete this eve is not simply
just for thee to enjoy dancing,
but indeed tonight you shall find a mate.
Yay, a count I have brought to make you his wife,
and you shall live with him forever for your entire life.
- A count? - Can it be
that the famed Count Chocula comes this very day?
- He is here this eve.
The man a reputation has as a monster,
but trust me, the county of Chocula
is a rich and boonful place.
Glance not upon the man. He is not well to look at.
To hear him is not well either.
See the man by his fortune. Judge him by his clothes.
See him not, hear him not, instead follow your nose.
- It is well known Count Chocula
is of an ill temper, an ill demeanor,
and all together cruel and foul,
and all good part and merriment he lacks.
He shall not shower upon my face gentle Honey Smacks.
- Daughter, he shall.
- Lady, listen to thy Pops.
- We play not games nor Trix.
Do what I did, for I tell thee Trix are for kids.
No longer a kid, thou art a woman, thou shall be,
and so now you must become more chocolatey.
- You must listen to thy father, lady.
Here in our realm, his power is Total.
- That's a point for Ross.
- I shall do without a swish,
behave in thy special way.
I shall give him gentle kiss, a special, Special K,
but I tell thee, father, though,
me thou does stand above,
I cannot promise that to this count, I shall give my love.
- 'Tis not necessary.
Nay, but instead by obedience is most assured.
Now, nurse, I proffered to you earlier
a bangle of special memories to give to my daughter.
There's a moon, and a star, a rainbow, a balloon,
sometimes special edition ones come along.
- Aye, this family ornament
that thou shoulds never come to harm.
- Here now I wear around my neck these--
- [All] Lucky Charms.
- I mean, I guess I have no choice
but to say a point for all three.
- Come, there is some joy to be found in love.
When thou go some toot,
to go, aye, unto the cornucopia of Amore
to eat its many fruits.
Come, find joy in love, whensoever thy art married.
It shall not be but one repass,
thou shall think, "OOPS, All Berries."
- Yeah. Okay, fine. - Kind of a stretch?
- I shall see the tonight at the fete,
but now I must go.
Cheerio. - Oh wow. Yeah, absolutely.
- Oh, wretched nurse, oh, more wretched me
that this now Count Chocula I must see.
- Ah, you must bear his arms, and to greater bear his suit,
oh, gentle monster of thy father, this dire Fruit Brute.
- Whoa. Discontinued.
- Yeah. - Was that a cereal?
- Yes. - I didn't even know that one.
- And if this causes butterflies to light upon their tummy,
take it up with my mother, thy delicious Yummy Mummy.
- Oh, my.
- These are Count Chocula's friends.
- He shall have no love of me.
No soprano, only treble,
for I shall never touch his Wheaties
or know his Fruity Pebbles.
- Oh. Two points.
- You speak this in youth,
knowing not the pricks of ages, wounds and cuts.
You spurn his Fruity Pebbles,
but he shall give thee his Grape Nuts.
- I know not the pricks of age.
I know not such pain either,
but I tell thee though I know no pricks like this
I shall not know his either.
- 'Tis well, lady.
Though shoulds not love in obedience, merely.
- What am I gonna do, then?
- Thou must to this fete go, but may have at this party
some, some other companion to the itch will show.
- So then I shall place a crown upon a lover's head,
for one night I shall not have breakfast,
but I shall have lunch instead.
- Aye.