what sort of things have happened that you had to come into hospital, Mr. Fisher?
uh, nothing. I don't know
they just sent me
I can't...you know...explain
shut that off, doc [referencing camera]
shut it off
why?
well... [laughs] ... hello... [laughs]
hello
is that necessary, really?
that's just part of the filming that we're doing
I mean is it necessary?
yes
ok, you're a doctor, you say that it's necessary, I'll believe you
you said "they" sent you here, who are "they"?
all of them
see I'm dying, really
I am
I'm dying from...
don't laugh at me because I'm serious
no I'm not
I'm dying from an unknown disease
but there's nothing that they know about it
whats the disease?
I don't know
but I'm dying from it
how long have you known about this?
not too long
but I know how to live
the best thing to do is to annih....
don't you laugh
you listen to this here
I'm listening
the best thing to do is to annihilate the world
start all over again and build...
people are talking about going to the moon?
the best thing to do...
...is to annihilate the world and start over like Noah's Ark
that's the truth
there were geniuses
you had people with an average IQ but they were [sighs]
umm
I'm nuts
why did everyone think that you needed to come to hospital Mr. Fisher?
because I let snakes bite me
i see
and how long have you been doing that?
letting snakes bite me?
yes
not too long...I've been catching them for a long time
and i like to let them bite me
you get a sensation...
have you ever seen an electric wire?
...I know you've done this...
where you just look at it and then just grab it!
have you?
no, i haven't done that
like these suicide cases... no, they don't have suicide cases in the hospital
no, they don't have them
did they?
a person, a suicide case is in the morgue, he's not in the hospital
if they cut themselves...if they wanna die, they'll cut it right there
I took a gun one time and clicked it three times
it didn't go off
I turned over a truck
I swallowed a bunch of pills
I actually get my kicks from swallowing pills
or something, anything
but they don't...
i ain't gonna tell nobody, i can't tell anybody how i feel
I'm going to first kill...
myself
or everybody in there
then...
I'm going to kill all the attendants
I don't like those attendants
at least...these people up here...I mean...
they don't get mad at you
they don't get mad, they're nice
I wouldn't kill them
I don't want to kill nobody no more, or hurt nobody
do you get angry at times too?
I get...I just get, you know, spells
I just...oh when I get mad, man, I...
I had a '64 impala convertible, yellow, the only one like it in Greenwood
but I'd get mad at it, and I would just tear stuff up
or I'd just like to get into a building, with a hammer, or axe...a glass building, and just tear it up
do you know what I mean?
umm-hmm
[laughs]
do you think that you're mentally ill?
no, I know I'm not, and that's what I've tried to tell them: there's nothing mentally wrong with me
there's nothing emotionally wrong with me
there's nothing
I'm going to get out
I'm going to get me a hill
and I'm going to stay on that hill
I'm going to get enough whiskey, I'm not going to get anything to eat, I'm not going to eat
I'm just going to stay on the hill
do you feel that you want some help though?
if I needed it - sure
do you think I need it?
yes, I think you need some help
you really do?
mm-hmm
you really do?
yes, certainly
[laughs]
why are you laughing?
[laughs]
you think I'm nuts?
no...no
that I'm emotionally disturbed?
I think you've got some problems
you're a smart man
when I'm by myself I get these...I get these...
these feelings, you know?
mm-hmm
usually when I'm around people, I'm not...but when I don't get around them [???]
for a few minutes if they don't want to, then I'll want to drink and then just cut my throat or something [???]
and eventually I will
you know that as well as I do
eventually I'll do it
don't you?
you know that, don't you?
eventually I'll do it
you think so?
you know how a person commits suicide?
or when a person beats another one, just beyond reasoning?
no
something in his subconscious makes him mad when he's hitting that person
he's hitting him, and he knows the guy has had enough
and then it hits him, just like that [snaps fingers]
and then he keeps hitting harder and faster, and harder, and harder
but I don't want to hurt nobody
I'm sure you don't
no, no, you don't believe it
...we will just have to see how you get along...
doc
for a few weeks
I ain't never gonna change
because when a person talks to me
it doesn't even phase me
well thank you very much for talking [unintelligible]
I hope you can help
damn, I know what the hell is wrong with me and staying here ain't gonna help me
Whitfield [mental hospital] ain't gonna help me, these are some problems I can work out myself
I'm not psychotic
I act a little nutty but that's the childishness in me
do you think I do the same sort of thing, and agree with you, nodding my head?
uh huh
I do this too?
this...you don't like this?
it doesn't make no difference
the way you spoke a minute ago, I got the impression you didn't like this very much
no, it's not that Dr. West I like y'all, I think y'all a fine bunch of men, I really do
I think you have a good job, you really want to help somebody; you've got to want to help them to be a psychiatrist
but you can't...y'all don't understand...I say you don't understand me, you don't understand my problem
I'm sure you *understand* it, not in that sense
but what y'all don't realize is what I say, like that getting out and walking around by myself helps me
it takes the tension out of me
instead they pump a few more damn pills in me
I'm not taking no more pills, no more nothing
and if I've got to walk out and be refused to ever come back in here, then that's what I'm gonna do
that's exactly what I'm going to do
you try to sit down and explain something to them and they'll nod their head, say "you're right...
...but I think this would be better"
that's exactly what they'll tell you
well, how would you react if we said the opposite, for example that yes, you are very very sick and you certainly need to be here, or in Whitfield or something
they've told me that- that's what Dr. Russell just got through telling me, that I am sick
I might be mentally sick, sure, I think I am...but everybody to an extent is mentally ill
you're mentally ill to a certain extent
mm-hmm
do you believe that?
do you?
answer me
i answer your questions, now answer mine
answer me
the way I am, what has that got to do with the way you're acting?
I'd just like to know
how would you feel...
if you came up here and didn't plan on staying, and they told you to stay and you stayed, how would you feel?
with an aide following you?
do you feel that you could be relaxed?
I hope I would understand that I needed to stay here
I think I need stay here
but would you feel relaxed with an aide- or do you think that you could cope with it better if you could walk around by yourself and go places by yourself?
I like to be with people
I like to be with people, but you like to be by yourself sometimes too
you enjoy going to a movie or something like that
but you don't have up someone following you around all the time
I can stay on the 7th and 8th floor, and that's it
that's pretty good
no it's not, that ain't gonna work
and they better not try to take me to Whitfield
because I'm going to put up this hell of a fight they've ever seen put up
I ain't gonna wrassle, I'm going to knock the hell out of them
who's they?
it's Dr. Russell, I know Dr. Russell's going to tell them, "well if he won't stay here, the best thing to do is to have him admitted to Whitfield"
I know he's going to do that
I might be one of the hateful-est patients y'all have ever had here, the most uncooperative
but I know what I'm doing, I know, I think... do you know what's best for you?
sometimes
do you? you do sometimes?
sometimes people disagree, but you know what's best for you, right?
I like to listen to what other people have to say
but you also have your own mind to think about it too
do you think that sometimes when people tell you something, that would be better?
...because you *can* be taken to Whitfield
I can?
I suppose you can, can't you? I mean people are taken to Whitfield even when they don't agree with it sometimes
...this happens...
oh sure
you know that, don't you?
i know it, but I'm gonna make them earn their paycheck
why would you do that?
[sighs] it's just an expression
if he would let me go home for a couple of days, I'd be alright
you're sort of bargaining with him, aren't you?
that's what i try, well I think it's pretty sensible, I'll play halfway with him, I think
I think I'd meet him halfway
if he would let me go home and think about it, and relax
I can't relax up here
god, they've pumped me so full of stuff that I don't know which end I'm eating out of
but my god, I'm telling you this, it does, it gets on your nerves after a while
then they say your nerves are shot, because you're shaking
how do you feel towards us, that's that don't do what you want us to do?
it kind of makes me mad
because I've agreed with y'all on a lot of things
that's one of your problems, that you...
what?
that you can't go along with some of the things that we suggest
that you get angry as a result
sure, you would too
you would too if a guy ran up and hit your car, something like that, and said I don't mean to, and you knew he did
wouldn't you be angry? would you be angry?
does this apply on the ward?
no, I'm just..would you be angry? just question
would you?
well I don't quite understand how this relates to things on the ward
I know it, you don't want to answer me. and you're not gonna answer me
you're not gonna answer any question I ask you
I don't think I'm afraid a fool, Dr. West
I don't either
I don't think...I think I'm a little intelligent
not very intelligent maybe, but a little intelligent
well I'm sorry that you've decided to go, I think you need to be here
I think I do too, but I also think I could come to feel better if I was home for a couple days
I'm so nervous up there, I wouldn't be this nervous at home
I could go out and do something to get it off my mind
ok, thank you for talking to us