This episode is sponsored by the Edge Foundation...
...stick around to the end of the video to learn more about it.
[laughing off-camera]
That was a bad idea.
Did you get that on camera? -- [over mic]
How to Coffee
I'm only put-together for 8 minutes a week.
Only when I'm recording.
♪ [ intro music ] ♪
Hello Brains!
Let's talk about working too much.
I was struggling with something that felt a lot like depression a few months back.
And Doctor B pointed out that he was concerned...
...and to maybe talk to my mental health professionals.
Which I did.
I went to my therapist and I was like: "Is this depression?"
And she's like: "Well, no.
"...But you are feeling depressed. You're not in a great place right now."
So I asked her what I could do then.
One of the things I think was bringing me down was...
...I felt like I wasn't doing enough.
Like there's so much I wanted to be doing with my channel and with my team...
...but I had kind of limited my work hours...
...because I was trying to have a work-life balance and all that.
And I was like: "Well, maybe that's why."
And she goes: "Well..."
"...your capacity is not actually unlimited."
And I was like: "What do you mean?"
She said: "Your capacity is limited by your values.
And so, maybe one of the reasons why you're feeling depressed right now...
...is because you're not living a life in line with your values."
We all have this unlimited capacity to do whatever, right?
If we have free time...
..."free time"...
...and a friend needs help, we can go help them.
If work offers us another project, we can take that project.
If somebody gives, you know...
...has a shift that they want us to work...
...we can work that shift.
We have the ability to do that.
But what we don't often think about is the fact that...
...we're not just going to be doing
We're also going to be doing
So what she's taught me is that our capacity...
...actually is, and needs to be...
...
It's not just "I can't work because I'm already working."
It's "I can't work because that would cut into time...
...that is meaningful to me for something else."
Like, taking my dog to the dog park. Being a good dog-mom.
Having a clean house, or...
...establishing solid friendships.
These things are important too, and...
...by just working all the time...
...and saying yes anytime someone wants me to take on another project...
...I would be compromising the other things that are important to me.
And what happens is eventually, I'm unhappy.
Because I'm no longer living a life that's in line with my values.
The reason why this is interesting to me is...
...because I often feel guilty that I'm not doing more.
It's really important, one of my huge values is helping people.
Is supporting people on this channel.
And putting out good content. And messaging people back.
And trying to do my best to support my team...
...and be a good boss. Be a good CEO.
Learning how to run a business.
All of these things are really important to me.
These are, these are values for me.
I think that a lot of us have a hard time knowing...
...if what we've done is enough.
Because we "could be" doing more.
And when I talked to my therapist about that...
...she pointed out: "Yeah, you could be doing more."
"Except for one thing; your capacity is limited by your values."
I found it incredibly valuable to start thinking of it that way...
...where anytime I'm like: "well, I could do more."
But can I?
Like, can I actually, without compromising other things that are important to me?
And a lot of the time, the answer is "No."
There are other things that are important to you too.
It's not just work.
It's not just school, learning things.
It's not just a relationship.
And so, the assignment that she challenged me to do...
...and if you'd like to join me, you can.
Is to make a list of my values.
Make space for those. Make blocks...
...and then pay attention to how often I'm overriding those values...
...with other things. With work, or whatever it is.
I had a life coach once teach me about the sound bar metaphor...
...where if you put one up, another one has to come down a little bit.
Being able to visualize that helps me too.
So I'm not only like, putting stuff in my schedule...
...I'm also trying to go: "OK, what's important to me?"
"What makes me happy?"
"What do I find fulfilling?"
Work is a huge thing for me.
I really enjoy my work. I find it fun, I find it fulfilling.
I love doing it.
I know that I'm making a difference and that's amazing.
If I worked all the time, like, I would really be achieving that value...
...and that would bring me a certain fulfillment and happiness...
...but I would feel guilty.
Because I know that my dog isn't getting the attention she needs.
Or my health would start to suffer 'cause I wasn't taking care of
Like, I really need to go to the dentist right now...
...that's kind of important. It's a value!
Like, I like having teeth, um, that's a value for me.
But if I work all the time and I never go to the dentist...
...eventually I'm not gonna, right?
Like, I have to, I have to have the time and energy.
So, one of the things I do right now is...
...I make it so that, I keep my work time-boxed...
...and I try not to work at night.
So I'm not only noticing if work overrides my values in terms of
...like I don't have time to do the thing.
But also if I don't have the
Even if I technically have time...
...the energy that I've spent is still overriding that other value.
Doing the work that I do is the most important thing I've ever done in my life.
And I...I have a hard time putting it down sometimes, to be honest.
And like, going and doing something else that is also important to me.
But there are other things that are important to me.
And so, maybe they don't need
...but they still need some.
Even if they're just for me.
And that's hard. Because it does kind of require...
...that you value
And I'm a people-pleaser.
I like making other people happy.
So one of the things I had to learn is, you know...
...when you're people-pleasing, remember that
You count.
You matter.
One of the things that can help us live a life in line with our values...
...is working with an ADHD coach.
Those of us with ADHD have a lot of Executive Function challenges...
...and a coach can be one of the most powerful interventions for managing them.
Someone to check in with us on a regular basis...
...ask questions to help us figure out
...and help us plan, prioritize, figure out what's getting in our way...
...and sustain effort toward our goals, so we can reach our potential.
This would have been really helpful to me as a student...
...and might have helped me actually submit my college applications on time...
...and you know, graduate.
But coaching isn't typically something most students can afford.
And that was true for me too.
Spoiler alert: I didn't graduate college. A lot of ADHD-ers don't.
The Edge Foundation is trying to change that.
By providing coaching to students and young adults, ages 5 - 24...
...with ADHD and other Executive Function challenges.
And eliminating financial barriers to executive coaches...
...through individual and in-school coaching and community programs.
I met with them and I was really impressed.
They provide coaching on a sliding scale, based on what parents can afford.
They provide trainings for schools...
...where they go in and train teachers and staff...
...to be able to use these coaching techniques with their students.
And since COVID has overwhelmed teachers and school staff lately...
...they've even started a volunteer program to train volunteers to help out.
This kind of thing would have been really powerful for me as a student.
And I'm sharing it in the hopes that it can be helpful for some of you.
If you want to learn more, go to edgefoundation.org...
...or click in the link in the description below.
Thank you to my Brain Advocates and all my Patreon Brains...
...for allowing me to have one of my values...
...which is only sharing things on the channel that I think are valuable for my community...
...and only work with sponsors that I believe in.
I am
[ giggles ]
Let me know what some of your values are in the comments below.
Bye Brains!
♪♪