There are many things we want to ask of other people we want to ask for a job
For money a chance to collaborate a kiss
But generally we don't ask because of the terror of a no
Why should a no such a small and Innocuous word?
Prove quite so painful so hard to hear so much something
We need to avoid that we'd rather die in Penury ignored and unfulfilled than ever hear it
It's because it's not a case of trying not to hear and know what we're trying to do is avoid hearing something quite different
that we are
disgusting all of us have access to a
Disgusting self-image a repertoire of all the most broken flawed
Embarrassing and weak sides of who we are and it's precisely this self image that is awoken and engaged
Whenever people say no to us. We're not hearing no
We'd be fine if we were we're hearing you're an arrogant laughable Jumped-up Delusional clumsy repulsive Pond life
No wonder we get reluctant to ask
But in truth of course others are not remotely saying this to us. They can't guess how we're feeling inside
It's not written on our forehead and most importantly it's not even true
We've got some tricky sides of course, but so does everyone else. We're a mixture of good and bad like everyone else
We're okay, and we deserve to exist
when people say no
They're not thinking about us here is the only reason why people ever say no
And we need this emblazoned on Billboard's so we don't forget it
The real reason people say no is that it doesn't fit in with their plans
They're not thinking about your stupidest deeds
The Nicknames people called you at school or of what you get up to late at night? That's in your head, not theirs. They are
Just worried about their plans
We're losing out on some consoling insights because we're failing to bring our own experience of what we felt when we said no to people
We said no not because we hated them. We did it for an obvious now repeated reason
It didn't fit in with our plans
But here's the key reason to try asking
We just don't know where people are with their plans
And we can be sure of this by looking at our own experience when we think about it
There are actually a surprising number of things that we would theoretically give other people if only they asked we would say yes at many
Surprising points. We'd be ready to give certain people money time kisses if they asked
But usually people don't ask because they don't know where we are with our lives
All of us are fundamentally ignorant of other people's plans
You just can't really tell whether others might say yes or no because we don't have access to their projects and visions
We're attempting to overcome our lack of data of here closing in a pessimistic direction
But we should instead simply try to get more data by asking we should respond to ignorance with curiosity
not despair
We should remember too that we can survive and know from a distance we feel it would be a catastrophe
If it were a no from close up, we can be sure we'd shrug it off in three hours
We're big people now of course as small children
We were very vulnerable and perhaps adults that know to us at Key moments
And it hurt and now we're trying not to get hurt again
But the mind is slow to realize the time we've grown with perhaps six feet tall now
We have a bank account perhaps a car
Maybe children of our own you can survivor no and in any case not asking is not cost-free
We're avoiding the pain of rejection
But we're settling for something that is more insidious and just as troubling a lack of opportunity
Not asking life for something means implicitly asking it for something else
Familiar from the outset and this is especially sad because life is so very short
What we should really be scared of is not a no but of reaching our deathbeds
unfulfilled
We should ask