Hello I’m from the Australien Government
You know - the Shit Party
And I’m from the Shit-Lite Party, your healthier choice of Government
Whatever you moll Sit down you boofhead
And together we form: the Two Party System
You might remember us from the last Ad we made about Preferential Voting
We hope you haven’t watched it
Coz the last thing we want you to know is how to use it to vote for a Not-Shit Candidate
at the coming election
You know, one who isn’t owned by these guys and who’ll fight for your kids’ future
rather than theirs
Coz if enough of you give your first preference vote to Not-Shit Candidates
Some of them might win some seats and become Not-Shit MPs
And if that happens, this election will end up with…
*Duum Dum Duuummmm*
A Hung Parliament
A Hung Parliament is when you tell both major parties to get fucked, by ensuring that
neither of us wins the 76 seats required to form the next Australian Government on our own
A Hung Parliament sounds like a bad thing, and that’s how we want you to think of it
But a *Hung* Parliament can also sound like a good thing
Omg
Sorry - a Hung Parliament means that to form Government, we’ll be forced to negotiate
with the Not-Shit MPs you elected to the Crossbench
The Crossbench is that group of seats at the bottom of the U that aren’t held by either one of us
It’s where democracy happens. Eww.
And in a Well Hung Parliament, a Not-Shit Crossbench holds what’s called the Balance of Power
Which means that in exchange for their support
those Not-Shit MPs will want us to adopt their Not-Shit policies
Like an Anti-Corruption Commission
which we don’t want coz we’re corrupt as fuck
A transition away from coal and gas this decade
Which neither of us wants, coz we’re both captured by fossil fuel interests
And an emissions target in line with the science
instead of our Shit target
Or our Shit-Lite target
And if one of us can come to an agreement with those Not-Shit MPs
We’d form a Minority Government with them
Again, a Minority Government sounds like a bad thing; like it’s lacking something
But with a Hung Parliament, it’s not size that matters - it’s how you use it
The last time we had a Minority Government, we passed world-leading climate legislation
that cut pollution for the first time in our history
and created agencies that funded shittons of renewable energy generation
But then we got re-elected and chucked that legislation in the bin
And ever since then, we’ve been conducting a scare campaign about Minority Governments
But, when you think about it, you already have a Minority Government
Coz the only reason the Shit Party here can govern, is thanks to support from us:
The Really Shit Party
We call it, “The Coalition”
Except, instead of helping, it’s what’s made climate action impossible for the past decade
with our Really-Shit policies
And if the stooge who leads the Shit Party doesn’t do what we say, we install a new one who will
Isn’t that right, love?
Yes m’am, we’ll open another coal mine right away
The next election is your chance to turn the page on this shit-stained chapter of our history
Thank fuck, most of you don’t know how Preferential Voting works
Otherwise, Not-Shit Candidates would be getting way more of your votes
Especially those running in Shit-Party heartland seats
Like this one in Kooyong, this one in Hume, in Wentworth, Goldstein, Mackellar
and others where people are sick of our shitfuckery
Coz since we currently hold Government by only a slim margin
And we have bugger-all chance of winning enough seats to form Government on our own
That means, if we lose just a few Shit-Party seats to Not-Shit Candidates
we’re headed for a Hung Parliament
And if there’s one thing that can fuck the Two-Party System
it’s a Well Hung Parliament
Authorised By the Department for Shitting Ourselves about all these Independents
This video is a companion to our Honest Government Ad about Preferential Voting
Whatever you do, do not watch it
Do not click this link
No
Nooo