- I left Hollywood.
Which is really weird to say,
because I never thought I would.
I always considered myself a lifer.
I always considered myself as somebody that
was never going to exist anywhere else outside of
either New York or Los Angeles.
And I've got love for Los Angeles, don't get me wrong,
I've got love for New York.
But there comes a time in life where you have to start
to prioritize your self care, yourself.
But also like, I actually left LA before the move over here
to Austin, Texas, which is where I live now.
For starters, everything here is green.
Green is like super important to me.
Green just helps me feel grounded as a person.
Some people really like to be by the water,
I do like being by the water,
but what I found is that even when I lived
close to the beach, I never went to the beach.
If you think that you want to move to California,
I guess you have to be like a beach person
for it to really, really make sense.
I have always felt like I could either be in
New York or LA and be safe,
because I was tied to the entertainment industry.
For a long time, that's all you could do,
that's all you could live.
Either in those cities,
so that you could have representation.
And for a long time,
I felt kind of, very much like, imprisoned, really.
I know that's a strong word,
but that's how it felt, because I couldn't get away.
It's like that moment in The Godfather where they're like,
"Ah, they keep pulling me back in."
And so every time I would try to have like,
a life milestone in my life, like,
"Okay, I'm going to go to college.
Okay, I'm going to do this."
I'd have to go right back to LA,
because my agents would tell me, like,
"Oh no, you're getting cold."
When they say that you're "getting cold" in the industry,
what that means is that, "Oh no, you're not as relevant,"
or, "Oh, no, you're not booking,"
or whatever the hell it means.
Basically what happened was, is I met my husband
when I went back to school.
I left "Hollywood" a couple times, actually.
I left it first when I was 18 and I went to college.
Second time I left when I was 30.
I wasn't transitioning properly from a child actor,
teen actor, or whatever you want to call it,
to like an adult actor.
It wasn't happening for me.
Probably because I had no clue about my own voice,
my boundaries, what I represented, what I wanted to be.
It's the thing that I struggled with the most.
You know, I'm doing this, talking to you,
because I want you to know that I have a point of view.
You know, that life has been good to me,
but I've had some struggles, and I want to chat with you,
you know, about this stuff.
And I think it could be maybe helpful, I don't know?
Taking off my shoes
because I'm about to go across the creek.
It's a warm day, so this is going to feel good.
Ooh it's nice!
This is amazing.
I mean, I grew up in Connecticut and we had creeks,
but not like this.
This was one of the reasons
I was so in love with Austin from day one,
like you can see through the water.
(water rushing)
(kissing sounds)
Hello Bubba!
I had this amazing dog named Brando who lived with me
all throughout my crazy LA years.
He recently passed away, like, two years ago.
So it was a big shock to me.
I mean, he went through so much.
He was this cute little guy, Brussels Griffon.
He saw it all, all the people coming and going.
And he was there every night
snuggling with me, no matter what.
I mean, Hollywood's lonely.
I think people assume it's not?
I guess people think, like,
"Oh, you're famous, you got people around you.
Like, what do you have to complain about."
When you're in a place where you have to
make everybody happy, or at least you think you do,
and you don't know your worth.
And you're in an industry that constantly tells you
that you're not worth anything.
And rejects you by saying, "No, we went the other way
for a hair color reason."
I mean, we're talking like the smallest reason
and you won't get considered,
or even brought back for another time.
So then you find yourself feeling pretty valueless.
It's just a hard place to live when you're young.
You know, cities represent different things
at different times in your life.
For me, New York represented the adolescent part of my life
and learning talents and developing them.
And then LA represented sort of
these like teen years, you know.
What I noticed is that everyone there
is like really awesome in their small town.
And they've been told that they're like special and unique,
and that they should go to Hollywood.
And so everybody there has these, like,
swollen versions of themselves.
And so when they get there
and they have all that rejection,
and they have all that negativity, their ego is crushed.
So they're acting out of insecurity.
It's not a good look.
That's why people hate dating in LA.
It's really, really bad, it's really miserable.
I don't suggest it.
In fact, I had to leave
to find my husband in New York and come back.
So I've done a couple circles.
Around, and around, around.
So, believe me when I say I was ready to leave Hollywood.
I met my husband in New York, very happy about that.
And then we ended up starting a life together.
At a certain point, it became very clear to us
you couldn't raise kids in that kind of energy,
in that kind of environment.
That there's more out there,
and that I didn't need to feel imprisoned, in a bubble.
They say sometimes that, you know,
Hollywood is like this little bubble, and it really is.
You know what's really crazy is,
I would use to go to like Sundance,
or I used to go to like these places,
all the same people would go to all the same places.
So it was like you were just this
one big extended mafia family that you would just--
Like in Goodfellas when they say
they just like all took vacations together,
and they all did the same things,
and they all went to the same restaurant.
That's kind of how it is there.
It's a bubble for sure.
Now, popping that bubble
was way easier than I thought it would be.
It was just a matter of listening to my husband,
taking a chance, and leaving.
I'd done it before, but this time it was different.
This time it was forever.
And I think I'd had enough distance from that rat race of like,
"It's pilot season," you know like,
"Oh, you gotta, like, show up."
Pilot season was when all of the networks
did these like pilots, from like January until like May.
And like, you just live for like six to eight months
of your life hoping to get a job,
and like killing yourself,
and comparing all these other people like,
"Hey, how many auditions did you get?"
"Oh, you didn't go out for that? Aw, that's too bad.
Oh yeah, I'm testing for it."
And it's like, come on, we're stuck in high school.
There's so many other things happening in the world.
So, we took a risk, we left.
It really wasn't calculated,
it was kind of, more or less like, let's do this.
Brendan and I, we drove cross country after I graduated.
It took me 12 years to graduate,
because I kept doing the circle thing
that I was telling you about.
Finally graduated, I was 30, 31.
When we drove cross country home, we drove through Austin.
I had like a Comic Con in Nashville,
Alabama we stayed with some family,
but then we hit Austin and it was like,
we just instantly fell in love with this place.
From the river system, the lake system,
like all of that vibe, and the nightlife.
The food scene has gotten better, and better, and better
between that year and now.
And, I mean, it must've been like eight years--
Hmm, no, probably like five or six years since that visit.
And it was always stuck in our brains that we were like,
"This place is special."
And my husband and I we've lived all over the country,
He's lived all over the world.
There was just something
that rang true for me here.
Now, like, Corona was crazy.
I had these two little babies, and me and my husband,
we were in a house in Orange County,
so we were close to some family,
but there was fires outside of my house.
I had some weird like rehab facility
that was not above board.
And there was like three houses,
people were coming in and out.
Just like weird things that happen
in specifically California.
Sorry to say.
And again, I'm not dissing California,
I love California.
I love LA, I love Orange County,
I love so many things about all of these places.
I lived them for years, but I needed a change.
My family needed a change, more importantly.
And when it comes to me and family,
I will throw myself as far as I possibly can.
If that makes any sense.
Basically, I didn't give a (beep) about losing my career
one more time if it meant leaving California
to do something cool with my family.
I was like, "Let's do this, (beep) the industry."
Like, (beep) the people that are going to say that
I'm not relevant enough to stay,
or even those tapes in my head that play from time to time
that say, "Oh, you're screwed."
Because the truth is, it's people here.
It's not just the setup, it's not just the food,
It's the vibe here.
It's got this like, good vibes only thing here.
That's super unique,
I mean, people keep wondering
why people keep moving here, and this is why.
It's not just the food scene,
it's not just the lake life,
and the beautiful systems for water that they have here,
which is very different from other places in Texas.
It's not just that it's sort of more relaxed,
it's the people for sure.
And you know, we had a crazy winter storm
that I was here for.
And everybody, like H-E-B, who's like our stop and shop,
whatever you want to call it, they gave away tons of food.
Like, I think there was one store
that gave away their entire food supply
because it was going to go bad during the storm.
And that mentality, it's everywhere here.
Everyone was chipping to one another.
There was like, people saving people.
My family was saved.
I'm not even kidding you, like we could see our breath
because our lights went out, our heat went out,
and it was this huge, crazy freak storm.
I was really scared for my whole family.
And I was posting about it,
and just randomly,
Somebody who was my RA in college
who I hadn't talked to in years,
her and her husband took us in.
They found a friend,
and my family and I were able to find a place to stay.
And people were really coming together,
and it was unlike anything I'd ever seen or experienced.
It's just a good place to be.
It's a really good place to be.
But don't bring your attitude,
because that's why people in Texas,
or specifically Austin, are a little concerned
about "Californians" coming.
More specifically, that "Los Angeles",
"Hollywood" mentality of, "I'm going to come,
I'm going to just like, not give anything back,
not going to be a good person, not going to be nice,
not going to be friendly, and just not do anything good."
Like, that's just not the vibe here.
It's not a good vibes kind of vibe.
That's what people are a little worried about.
After some time, I get it, and that's kind of why
I wanted to just come on here and talk about it.
So, what it comes down to is this:
you want to live in a place,
and whether that's LA for you, it might be.
Whether that's Hollywood for you, might be.
Know your value though.
And make sure that you know this principle:
you've got two ears so that you can listen
twice as much as you speak with your one mouth.
Listen more than you speak.
Okay, this is my fun spot, it's so pretty.
Ooh!
Life is an adventure!
Enjoy the life you have.
I'm going to go enjoy this, this is so amazing, everyday.
(water rushing)
(upbeat music)