Hey I'm Matt, 28 years old, from Durham, North Carolina
I now live in Maryland and
I'm the type of guy, I feel like I'm
sitting on a winning lottery ticket.
I mean I have a beautiful wife, two
beautiful girls, and beautiful family.
I have a job that I love. Yeah life is so great.
But you know it wasn't always like that.
When I was ten years old I was on
the computer and I remember looking at a little pop-up
and that was like the
first spiral... I remember my first video
that I watched in fifth grade and every day
I would just go back to my room
after school, after the bus ride and look at porn.
That's like my whole middle school...
Up until February 2011
Valentine's Day showed up and coincidentally
my computer also broke.
Around that time and I stopped watching porn.
I couldn't look at look at porn for a
good six months and only then I
realized what a porn-free life was like.
My head like physically felt lighter.
I could think clearer, I was less
anxious, I was more confident, I was less
jealous of other people. I remember only
thinking about just getting through
the day so I could look at porn and
and that be my high. And then post-porn
the whole day can be a high. You know,
I'll wake up and life is good.
And I'd take out my guitar or go riding or hang out
my friends or just enjoy the sun, just
enjoy people compared to like being in my room
by myself. I just remember what
a black-and-white moment that was for me.
Then MiMi and I got married,
had a honeymoon and a week after
our honeymoon we had just moved to a
new place, I had a new job and yeah, one day
I was just off my guard and clicked on a porn website.
One thing led to another and I had a
fall and I remember being so confused because
we just got married and just had our
honeymoon and life is supposed to be good
and all of a sudden I'm looking at porn again.
And I just couldn't believe it.
She could just tell there was a difference in me.
I'd go two months and fall, another two months
and fall and we went through a whole
year of this craziness.
One day she said, "Look, you talk
sometimes about how porn can ruin marriages.
Well it can ruin our marriage...
It can end our marriage."
This reality hit so I started thinking about
what what was working
when I wasn't looking at porn, before we
were married? I was actively fighting for
my future bride. And what happened when we
got married is that I stopped because of the pride.
I had accomplished my goal and
that's when I realized the fight doesn't end
on the wedding day. The fight continues
every single day. Fighting for her and our love
and fighting for each other and our future family
is what saved me. And that's the kind
of love that I fight for.