[Please keep these CC clean for deaf viewers]
[If you want the funny CC, don't worry.] [Just select English (Canada)]
WOMAN: (Gasp), I sense an explosion!
MAN: It's always explosions with you! Why can't we just have a ni--
[Everyone screams]
ICHIGO: Am I off my meds?
I don't remember having to take meds, but I feel like I take meds and I didn't.
RUKIA: Hwah!
Hwaaaaah!
ICHIGO: ...Yeah... I need to get back on those meds that don't exist.
[♫ Hello Sleepwalkers - "Hyakkiyakou" ♫]
RUKIA: We've been at this all afternoon! You promised me food!
ICHIGO: I promise lots of things when my sanity and worldview are called into question.
The heck are you? The heck was that big stupid?
RUKIA: It was a Hollow. I'm a Soul Reaper.
ICHIGO: Elaborate, PLEASE?!
RUKIA: *Chocolate*, please.
ICHIGO: You'll get chocolate when I conclude that I'm not losing my goddamn mind!
The heck are you, though?! What are your powers?!
RUKIA: Ah man, I must be magic or something.
ICHIGO: Are you, though?
Are you, though?!
Are you some kind of wizard knight?
Are you some kind of wizard knight? Are you some kind of radioactive ghost?
Are you some kind of wizard knight? Are you some kind of radioactive ghost? Are you a radioactive wizard ghost?
The explanation doesn't matter! Just give me something to attach to!
RUKIA: You can see ghosts, can't you?
ICHIGO: Yeah, ghosts. Not Godzilla in ghost form.
RUKIA: You don't have chocolate, do you?
ICHIGO: No; I'm not into sweets.
Only the sweet, sinful taste of Red Bull.
RUKIA: Cool! Bakudō #1!
ICHIGO: I don't follow.
RUKIA: Sai!
ICHIGO: Guh gaaah-aaack!
Huwh-uh!
Okay, that was Magic. You firmly planted us in the wizard camp.
Unless - I really am going crazy and this is all me going Tyler Durden up myself right now!
RUKIA: Care to knock off the commentary?
ICHIGO: Says the chick who'd rather cast a fucking arcane binding spell
than tell me why she can cast arcane binding spells.
RUKIA: Going home.
ICHIGO: I don't care!
RUKIA: Huh?
*Whoa, what*?! A Hollow's trying to eat your family!
ICHIGO: How did we not hear that happen?!
RUKIA: I don't know!
ICHIGO: Oh, that's cool!
RUKIA: W-what are you doing? Don't you know the kind of danger you're in?
ICHIGO: As I seem to be lacking basically all context, no. In fact, I don't.
RUKIA: At least tell me what you plan to do.
ICHIGO: Hello Kettle, my name's Pot. Nice to meet you.
Additionally, I'm gonna need these arms.
RUKIA: What do you mean??
ICHIGO: HURRAGGH!
RUKIA: How did you *do* tha--?!
ICHIGO: I'm coming, Karin!
RUKIA: How did you do that?!
ICHIGO: Huuuuaaaahh!
RUKIA: If he broke my Kidō, this guy may be ridiculously powerful.
ICHIGO: GAAH!!
ICHIGO: GAAH!! Guh!
ICHIGO: GAAH!! Guh! Gah!
ICHIGO: GAAH!! Guh! Gah! Gah! Uhhh...
RUKIA: ...Or, you know, the opposite.
ICHIGO: Heya, big guy. Let's talk about this.
RUKIA: Die!
ICHIGO: Gotcha, Karin!
RUKIA: Let's recap, shall we?
I'm the radioactive wizard knight, and you're some punk who broke my Kidō by fluke!
In the future, listen to what I say and stay down!
ICHIGO: "In the future"? How long are you planning on being here?
RUKIA: I've been assigned to watch your crummy town, so several of your lifetimes.
ICHIGO: "Crummy town"?!
RUKIA: I've seen two Hollows in one day.
"Crummy town" is putting it mildly.
Aaand it's back. Stay behind me!
ICHIGO: Huuuaaaahh!
RUKIA: Behind.
RUKIA: Behind. *Behind* me!
RUKIA: Behind. *Behind* me! Do I stutter?!
ICHIGO: Listen, Godzilla!
I did not think of what I was gonna say once I was in front of you...!
I'm choosing diplomacy...
Please go away!
RUKIA: You idiot!
ICHIGO: 'I'm guessing... that's monster for "no".'
RUKIA: Uhh...
Uuwahh...
Uh...
Uaaaahhh...!
Aahh!
ICHIGO: You saved my life.
RUKIA: Ugh...
ICHIGO: Can you move?
Can you fight?
RUKIA: This has been one *hell*... of a first day...
ICHIGO: It was your first day?!
I know everyone has to have a first day, but why is your first day my problem?
RUKIA: Oh my God, shut up!
In a second, that Hollow is gonna come back and finish me off...
Then you...
Then your family.
I can offer you a choice right now, kid:
I can give you the power to fight back on my behalf.
ICHIGO: Nani?
RUKIA: Accept my sword and become a Soul Reaper, or die with the rest of us. It's your choice.
...Your very illegal choice.
ICHIGO: This is some "Red Pill / Blue Pill" stuff.
On one hand, this could all be a delusional nightmare and if I accept that sword, I'm stuck in it.
But if I let that thing kill me maybe I'll wake up,
but if it is real and that thing kills me, then I die, actually.
But if it is a delusion, then my family's gonna be stuck caring for a sick, broken man outside,
because I chose to live within the delusion!
RUKIA: Time is of the essence. Down the rabbit hole, please.
ICHIGO: Alright, let's do this.
It looks like...
...it's my first day too.
Looks like the tables have turned in a 180-degree fashion...
...to my side, where they will stay until I kill you.
RUKIA: W-what? I only meant to give him one tenth of my power(!)
ICHIGO: I heard that! That sounds like a whole lotta your problem!
RUKIA: I can't back you up with Kidō this way!
ICHIGO: Now it's my problem. Solution, though:
Hurraagh!
Sucks to suck, doesn't it, Hollow?!
I bet you wish you were a radioactive wizard right about now.
GE-TSU-GAAA!!
Well, that was weird. What's a "Getsuga"? Why did my brain go to "Getsuga"?
SWORD
SWORD TEN-SHOOOOŌ!!
That was also weird. Why did my brain go to "Tenshō"?
[Outro music]
RUKIA: What do you mean you're not gonna help me do my job?! You took all my powers!
ICHIGO: I couldn't care less right now. I don't recall saying,
"Yes, Rukia. I agree to hunt dangerous ghost Godzillas on your behalf."
RUKIA: You're a Soul Reaper!
ICHIGO: I'm non-union.
RUKIA: That doesn't make sense!
ICHIGO: Wow.
That... sounds like a whole lot of not my problem.