welcome back to the Beefriend course today's lesson is for those of you that are having a
hard time making friends and forming deeper relationships but you can't seem to figure
out what you're doing wrong chances are you're making some mistakes during your interactions
that you might not even be aware of so today we're gonna go over three possible mistakes
that you might be making let's jump right into it mistake number one annoying sounds and movements
a study conducted by a soundproofing company found that certain sounds seriously annoy people they
did this by having 200 individuals listen to a wide variety of sounds while measuring their heart
rate and blood pressure surprisingly at the very top of this list is chewing with your mouth open
so i guess her moms were right when they told us to chew with our mouths closed they wanted us to
be able to make friends the second most annoying sound apparently is when you accidentally scrape
a plate with a fork or knife that screeching sound which prior to this study i thought was
the most annoying sound in the world other sounds on this list are things like cracking
your knuckles clearing your throat sniffling and even burping all of which i don't really mind but
i can see how they could be annoying especially if you kept on making them during an interaction
and it turns out that these sounds raise the blood pressure of the listeners which means that they
literally stress people out and that's definitely something that you don't want to do now personally
i think it's fine to sometimes do some of these sounds right sometimes we have to clear our
throat when we're eating but if you're someone who constantly does it during a conversation
it can definitely be annoying not only that but it will lower your perceived value people
notice that you are not aware that you're being annoying which makes them respect you even less
there are also sounds and movements that annoy people because of what they imply for example i
was working with someone a couple of weeks ago and they were sighing literally every 10 seconds and
i couldn't help but feel like they didn't want to work with me you see sighing is usually done
as a way to relieve stress so if they're sighing so much when talking to me it sort of feels like
I'm stressing them out and that doesn't make me feel good why are you so stressed working with me
likewise there are movements like excessive fidgeting which are also used to relieve stress
these movements can annoy people because of the same reasons i mentioned before
they see you stressed out so they start to feel stressed out too this applies to many other body
language movements that imply negative emotions such as crossed arms or what we Americans call
resting **** face now it's important to note that the more sensitive the person you are interacting
with the more you need to be aware of possible annoying sounds or movements because it's more
likely to affect them moving on to mistake number two talking too much we've all watched videos that
simply took way too long to get to the point in those instances many of us increase the
play speed or click away to find something more entertaining but we can't do this in real life
it's not polite to tell someone to hurry up or to change the subject while they're speaking
when you talk too much and take too long to get to the point it's like you're forcing everyone to
listen to a 20-minute video when they were expecting a 5-minute one and what's worse
is that most people are too polite to tell you what you're doing wrong they instead make a mental
note that speaking with you isn't that fun and then they avoid you in the future because they
don't want to watch another 20 minute video this mistake has become even more relevant in recent
times the younger generations have increasingly shorter attention spans which means if you are
someone who talks too much you'll be avoided even more now yes there are cases where you can take
your sweet time telling a story such as when your romantic partner tells you that they want to hear
every little detail about your childhood but when it comes to new relationships it is almost always
better to keep things short and sweet especially when it comes to stories now of course this is
easier said than done storytelling in general is a very complicated thing but luckily for you i
have an entire two and a half hour course on the subject which is available for free which brings
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watching my class the art of storytelling where i go over everything you need to know about stories
how to tell them how to use them to improve your friendships how to use them to persuade people
and even how to change the stories that you tell yourself so that you can increase your self-esteem
this is an incredibly important class that you need to go through if you ever want to master
the art of befriending people now back to the topic at hand the final mistake we're gonna go
over today is getting triggered everyone in the world has beliefs or opinions about things that
could potentially piss someone else off that's just how it is chances are the person you're
interacting with has a controversial opinion about something that they haven't shared with you yet
if you want to build a deeper relationship with them it's important that you get them to share
this stuff with you this creates a strong sense of trust and it also makes you more memorable
which is why you should almost never get upset about someone else's beliefs never get triggered
because if others see you reacting negatively to someone else's belief they'll become more hesitant
to share theirs with you in fear that you might respond the same way personally i don't mind if
someone is a racist a sexist a criminal i don't mind what conspiracy theory they believe in i will
always be curious about why they think this way if you approach things with this sort of genuine
curiosity people will want to share more with you because they'll know that no matter what they say
you won't get upset on the other hand if you get triggered by things easily
others will feel suffocated when talking to you they'll have to slowly think about what to say
and purposely avoid using certain words or sharing their true opinions which ultimately leads to a
very uncomfortable experience one which they will try to avoid in the future and that's it these
are three mistakes that you might be making in a future lesson we'll go over a couple more mistakes
so make sure you hit that bell icon if you don't want to miss it besides that guys stay tuned