Hey mate can you take me down to the station - but I don't like the bumps so please try
to pass over them?
Passover?
Don't talk to me about Passover - I can tell you a story about Passover.
Passover was when the Israelites were enslaved in Egypt by Pharaoh.
Pharaoh's a right wide-boy he is.
Golden throne, big shiny crown, bling everywhere.
Now over time the slavery became tougher and tougher, -and the Jews were saying to one
another - "this slavery is doing my nut in!"
After some time, there was a decree to cast all the four-by-two boys - into the River
Nile to prevent the Israelite becoming too large in population size.
Now this fella Moses was born - and his mum put him in a little basket, casts him into the Nile,
And she says to him "Be good old boy" - and cast him into the Nile in the hope that he would
be safe from the Egyptians.
Now Pharaoh's bricks and mortar was havin' a walk down by the shake and shiver - and
she spots baby Moses.
She says - "'ere!
There's a bowl of gravy down in the shake and shiver!
So Pharaohs daughter took him back to her rat and mouse - well it was more than a rat
and mouse it was a palace!
And she raised him as his own current bun.
Once Moses grew up he was wandering along minding his own business when he saw an Egyptian
slave master who was giving a Jew a right pasting.
So Moses had words with him - one thing led to another and the Egyptian slave master was
brown bread.
So moses says to himself - Uh oh!
- I think I better have better have it on my Sebastian Coes and get out of here.
So next thing you know Moses is on the hurry up out of Egypt.
He went to Midyan were he was taken in by Jethro and married Jethro's bricks and mortar.
And then became a shepherd looking after the little Bo Peep.
So Moses was 80 now, minding his own business - when all of a sudden there was a bush that
was Jebediah - and it turned out it was God talking to him.
And he says to Moses - "Go back to Egypt and save my stick of glues.
But Moses says - I don't think I'm the right man for the Uncle Bob!
And God says - Listen son, just do it if you know what's good for you!"
So Moses packs up his family and off they go back to Egypt.
So he goes and sees Pharaoh and he says "Listen, I was having a word with the good Lord in
this burning bush - and he said you've gotta let the four be twos out.
And Pharaoh says - Are you havin a giraffe?
They ain't going nowhere son.
So God brings ten plagues on Egypt, and they were:
1) Roy Hud 2) Frogs 3) Brown rice 4) Animals - were they wild?
Yeah they were pretty furious 5) Death of livestock - including - little bo peeps, chairman
maos, bottle of sauces - the whole lot brown bread
GET IN YOUR OWN LANE YOU PLONKER!
I'm telling you, mate, some people are just asking for boils.
Where was I?
Oh yeah…
6) boils 7) Hail made of Jeremiah 8) Locust 9) then Egypt gets all Regents park 10) Firstborn
boys and all brown bread.
After each plague pharaoh says yes then he says no then he says yes then he says no -
At the last plague the Israelites are told to get the roy hud of a roasted lamb and paint
it on their bobby moore post - and that would spare them from the plague.
Eventually Pharaoh runs out to the Israelites and he says - Alright, this is taking the
biscuit - everybody out!
So Moses and co don't lose any time in getting out of there and head off pronto.
After 7 days they get to the sea of reeds - but you would you adam and eve it?
That Pharaoh, right, he's only gone and changed his mind AGAIN, and sends the soldiers after
them.
What chutzpah!
So the Israelites find themselves trapped between the housemaids knee and the whole
Egyptian daft and barmy.
They pray to God, and God says "keep moving, keep moving!"
And Moses says - are you radio rental?!
But God then splits the housemaids knee and the Israelites pass through.
The Egyptians tried to follow them but the waters come crashing down on their loaves
of bread - and that's them gone out the picture - bish bash bosh - sorted.
And when they saw the Egyptian bodies washed up on the beach and they realised that they
were finally free, they sang a song of praise to God.
We are the champions my friend! And we'll keep on fighting til the end! We are the champions!
That's not quite how I remember the story.
This traffic's really bad - its going to take us weeks at this rate.
Weeks?
The festival of weeks?
I know a story about the festival of weeks!