- [Announcer] From West Hollywood, California,
the only news team
that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter
before they read it.
Anyone who laughs, or breaks, loses points.
This is Breaking News!
(bright music)
- Hello and welcome to Breaking News!
The show where we have no idea what we're about to say
and we're not allowed to smile or laugh.
I'm June Bloom.
- And I'm Carl Candy.
I live in a house made of sugar.
(Tao laughing)
- Well, it's official.
The Galleria is getting a Spaghetti Shack.
- Oh my, oh my!
- Oh my, indeed!
The popular chain of sit-down Italian restaurants
is opening its first location in town.
I, for one, couldn't be happier.
I'm nuts for noodles!
- Ha, ha! I'll bet!
- Slurp.
Slurp.
That's me with noodles, tomato sauce, Alfredo sauce--
- Pesto?
- I don't know what that is.
- I'm surprised.
- I eat linguine.
I eat penne.
Ravioli? Papa, gimme more!
Slurp, slurp, dummies!
All day and night.
- Not me.
I'm known for my sweet tooth.
That's why I changed my name from Francis Peach
to Carl Candy and my coat is made of licorice.
The Spaghetti Shack features hot wine
and very limited breadsticks.
It opens on a Tuesday for some reason.
- Wha, uh oh! Now I'm thinking pasta
and I'm down a hole.
I'll grate cheese right into my trash mouth,
that's how much I love the hot p.
(slurps loudly)
That's me!
- We've got full team coverage
of this mid-sized restaurant opening in the vicinity.
Let's go now to Lamey Adams, who is at the mall.
Lamey, what are you learning?
- Carl, I've got to tell you
the atmosphere of the Galleria is electric
as people wait to get their big bellies
filled with Italian.
One woman told me about her first experience with olives
and she was so happy she started to cry.
Another had composed a song about marinara.
- Oh, that sounds nice.
Would you sing a little bit of it, Lamey?
- Of course, June.
I'll start singing the song
exactly as it was written right now.
"Um, Ma-Mia.
"Marinara.
"Tomato cook a long time."
That was just a small part of that song.
The rest of it would infringe on copyrights.
- [Carl] Your voice is beautiful, Lamey!
Keep singing!
Keep singing.
- Okay, hope the lawyers are good!
"Ooh! Soak it long,
"and cook it down
"and boil it down til it's thick
"and put it on the pizza!
"Put it on the pasta!
"Swirl it around!
"Make sure you get the spaghetti water!"
- The premise of this show is that things are written down
and when they're not written down, it gets way funnier.
Beautiful! Beautiful!
- I met the chef
and he's too tall to be good at his job, sadly.
Back to you in the studio.
- Thanks, Lamey.
Tropical storm Goose still has us in its sights.
- Scary stuff.
All that rain will melt my sugar house.
I have a chimney made of peppermints and a nougat furnace.
I'm quite mad.
- You could use that water to make pasta, though.
I'm lickin' my chops over here!
All of them!
For more of the storm,
here's Rickey Nudes.
- Thanks.
Well, tropical storm Goose is expected to make landfall
in the next 72 hours.
The storm, of course, is named for Susan Goose,
a goose named Susan, who wears rain boots.
Susan Goose lives in Ontario
and she flies south for the winter.
She's a laid back attitude that she attributes
to her medical marijuana.
Her husband, Bruce Goose,
wishes she'd quit smoking so much,
but Susan is an adult goose,
and she gets to make up her own mind,
and Bruce loves her, flaws and all.
They have a very mature relationship.
They're both geese.
Sometimes Susan wears an AC/DC T-shirt.
She's worried about her retirement savings.
She's a water bird.
This is a real goose we're talking about,
not a human named Susan Goose.
She's tall for a goose.
She hates scary movies.
She has a patch of grey in her feathers.
She's always quacking.
What a goose!
She has no idea why a tropical storm
would be named after her.
When I reached out for a comment,
an official from the National Weather Service told me,
"Your facts are wrong, the storm is named Diane."
Back to you, June.
- Thanks, Ricky.
- Thank you, Ricky.
Diabetes isn't real.
- Wow.
- That's all for us, but on a personal note,
this week's loser
is a two-way tie between Kimia and Tao!
Congratulations to them!
Have a lovely night, everyone!
- I'm Ricky Nudes.
Send nudes.
- Wow, a tie!
First ever! - Fun!