(light orchestral music)
- [Jayna] In the ballet world,
there are two types of dancers:
You have a male dancer and a female dancer.
There's really no in between.
Growing up, I really didn't fit that binary,
but I really do know who I am today.
I'm a transgender ballerina.
- [Announcer] This Great Big Story was made possible
by Procter & Gamble.
(rousing orchestral music)
- [Jayna] I was born a male, but I have always known
that I've been gender-fluid.
In my head and in my heart, I really did feel
that I was female, and it's something everyone
that I've met has known.
- Oh, look!
Nine-year-old Jay.
Aw, so little.
- I have been dancing as a male since I was 5,
but I was never able to really express myself fully.
As a male dancer, you have to be able
to do a lot of partnering.
It was really hard for me to pick up,
and I just felt more that a girl was partnering a girl.
There really was no right place for me to fit in.
When I was alone, I danced how I wanted to dance.
I was just able to be free for a few hours,
and be able to just express myself how I wanted
to express myself.
(somber music)
When I was 17, I was in a pre-professional program
at a school; and when I decided to come out to the school,
the school was not as accepting as my parents and I
thought it was going to be.
At the end of the school year, they told me
that they did not want me to come back as a female,
and they were not going to extend
my scholarship as a female.
I sort of gave up trying to prove myself to the school
because I really would rather be somewhere
where I feel wanted.
(rousing orchestral music)
(instructor speaking foreign language)
After the school year ended, I went back to home to train
with my current dance studio, First State Dance Academy,
as my true self, as a female; and dancing there
makes me feel very supported.
- [Instructor] Nice, good.
- [Jayna] And I'm in a class where I can just dance,
and not have to worry about the outside world.
- [Instructor] Stay.
- Whoo!
Yay! (group applauding)
Ring the bell! (bell ringing)
(group laughing)
- [Jayna] There aren't really many differences
when it comes to male and female training.
We go through barre, center, jumps, turns.
It's just as a male dancer,
you tend to jump a little bit more,
whereas females do pointe work.
- [Instructor] Six and seven.
- [Jayna] I think the most difficult part
of dancing on pointe is everything.
You're basically standing on top of your toes
in these hard shoes.
- Put weight on your back foot,
so you can move your front foot. (laughing)
- [Jayna] I really was surprised to see
that pointe wasn't as easy and graceful
as the other girls made it, but the more that I did it
throughout the week, in classes and rehearsals,
the more that my feet started to mold to my shoes.
- There you go, good job.
- [Jayna] After a month of training on pointe,
my dance teacher cast me as a snow queen
in her production of "The Nutcracker".
It was nerveracking, because it was my first role
as a female.
I was shocked at the fact that I didn't mess up at all,
but I was more excited to just perform
in front of an audience.
(audience cheering) (audience applauding)
At the end of the day, I really am just a ballerina.
My goal is to dance professionally.
I'm just like the other girls.
I am working hard, and I am striving to get
to where I wanna be.
("Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy")
(light electronic music)