(Siren)
Valentine's Day is the... what is that? "Dear I Hate Everything,
you are the sunshine of my life. From, your mystery Valentine."
Jesus Christ.
Ooh! Look a card!
Who's it from? Aquaman if you ever send me any sort of cards/mail again I am
going to KILL you. From, I Hate Everything.
P.S.:F*ck you. Oh
-Obnoxiously Catchy Tune-
Valentine's Day or as I like to call it; That day them companies want you to
spend money on tat to prove to your significant other that you think there
are worthwhile human piece of meaty skin flesh. Like... we seriously need a
dedicated to this? Because the only way we can show our feelings is by spending money
on red colored objects. Terrible, Red Coloured Objects. So the origin of
Valentine's Day
from what I understand, began as a religious worship of the Christian
saints named "Valentinus." The most popular story based around the St. Valentine of
Rome, describes how he was put in prison for performing weddings for soldiers who
are not allowed to marry.
So while he was in jail it is said that he healed the daughter of his jailer and
before his execution he wrote the jailers daughter a letter signed "your Valentine"
as a last goodbye.
Now I don't know about you, but when I see the bright red shells of f*cking junk
in the shops for Valentine's Day,
I am really reminded of this dark and emotional story.
*Sarcastic Grunt*
I despise the way our society waters down our history to the most
materialistic and profitable bullsh*t imaginable.
And as much as I hate to say it...
there's nothing wrong with the idea of spreading a bit of love and appreciation for those you care about.
But why do we need a tasteless, lifeless, obnoxiously nauseating day completely
dedicated to it?
Let's talk about some of the weird, outdated, and just downright stupid
traditions of valentine's day shall we?
So, if a woman saw a robin flying overhead on Valentine's Day, it meant she would
marry a sailor.
If she saw a sparrow, she would marry a poor man and be very happy. And if she
saw a goldfinch, she would marry a rich person.
Well that's all well and good, but what about all the other birds you might see?
What if you saw a black bird?
Well I guess you'd have to marry Shia la Booth or if you saw a seagull
I'm afraid you'd have no choice but to marry a homeless bum.
Seems like a pretty flawed system if you ask me. So another tradition is that the
first man
an unmarried woman saw on the 14th of February would be her future husband.
Again...
What if the first man you saw was your dad, or your brother, or your grandfather,
or a homeless bum?
Are you starting to see a pattern with these strange outdated traditions?
It seems to me like it was just a day designed around trying to scare women
into thinking they're going to have to marry the first random dude they see.
If I was a woman when these weird stupid traditions were still in place,
I guess I'd just walk around with a blindfold on all day. F*ck a bunch of that.
So while the traditions might be pretty weird and outdated, at least there's
somewhat laughable.
The thing that gets me the most... is the over the top sappy bullsh*t all the cards and
other crap have riddled all over them.
You are the sunshine of my life.
I guess that means that you're literally the light source of the spoken person's
life.
Sure you can get some warmth now and again. The sunshine can also give you
sunburn, blind you, or even give you skin cancer.
You hold a special place in my heart. Love is in the air. That might be a nice sentiment and
everything...
But, I can't imagine love the air being very healthy.
It's probably something similar to breathing in a liquidated Big Mac. I love
you beyond measure.
Oh, piss off with that! Shut up, SHUT UP!
You've always BEAN
the one for me.
Okay, tha-that one's pretty good. Over here in the UK, just under half the entire
population spend money on their Valentine's with 1.3 billion pounds
spent yearly on cards, flowers and other slime.
I'm sure it's even MORE in the US. And there's me sat there just thinking "Oh, I
thought the government... running our money, um..." Fuck reasoning with it. Fuck Valentine's Day!
So those are my thoughts on the beloved Valentine's Day. But what do you think?
Did I miss anything out? Agree or disagree?
Tell me in the comments below. So last time, I asked if Sonic the Hedgehog or
Mario the fat Italian plumber was better
and here are the results: some people went for Sonic, but the overwhelming
majority went for Mario!
So as far for this week's question: Which holiday
do you hate the most? Be it Halloween, Easter, Christmas, Valentine's Day?
Whatever. Leave your answer below for a chance to be featured at the end of the
next video.
So as always, thanks for watching. All comments and ratings are appreciated.
See you next time.
BYE.