You know, one thing I've learned from COVID is that when you promise to make someone a tart tatin
they really don't like it when you don't make it for them because I was in a chat room for
like four hours, my handle is Don'tBeTriflin' because it's- a trifle is a dessert yeah
well i dunno.. kinda tastes like ass
hey everyone I'm Claire Saffitz, dessert ninja
there's a saying "what grows together goes together" also um "if it smells like crap it might be a trap"
the varied reactions I get from these desserts - incredible, my mom tried this one and she was like
"oh my god that's really bad" then she tried this one and she was like "oh my god that's not bad"
I'm gonna- I'm gonna go
the book is called Dessert Person, that's the title because it's all my favorite desserts
and if you turn to page 47 today we'll be making a savory omelet- you'll want to use a really great
cheese, this is my favorite recipe in the book get a fancy schmancy cheese uh this is a cheed- cheddar
this is a cheddar cheese and i'm going to use a box grater
remember that movie about the woman who couldn't find her box grater and then she jumped off the
Golden Gate Bridge? no they haven't made it yet, so i'm going to use kosher salt
which is salt that has not been convicted of a crime, I'm just going to cheat
and see if I can just see how these cakes are made- "Know what I like the most?
cake farts" all right I think I just really need to try this with less cornstarch, I can't-
"More energy Claire!" Brad go f*** yourself, there's actually a recipe in the book for hot pockets it's
my favorite recipe you just want to be careful if you're going to use your hot pocket to make
a dutch oven, what i love about cilantro is nothing because it tastes like s***- here's how you make gourmet
doritos, no I- can we not can we just skip to day four already? I'm not- I, I'm gonna go take a bath
here's how you make gourmet uranium, here's how you make gourmet polyjuice potion, here's how you
make your mother cry, so now we're going to- this is called dimpling, is if you oil your fingers
you can put like holes in the dough
this is my favorite recipe from the book, i was talking to my sister and she said remember that
time that you banished me from my own kitchen and i was like yes because you always bring it up
all the time, she's so annoying uh so i have kidnapped her baby, this focaccia is a lot
like my stupid sister because i love getting a rise out of it, so i'm gonna let the focaccia
rest because it's too oingy boingy right now so i think i'm gonna go take a nap unless we're not
doing toppings now are we? no don't do them now, please don't, don't you dare, no don't you da-
I think I first saw Julia Child make this recipe when I was about eight she's very
important to me she's- I have her on the wall over there she's my patron saint I love her
she's very important- her and Richard Simmons, these contain sugar, milk, chocolate, cocoa butter, milk fat,
soy lethicin, strychnine, beaver, purple, your mom's chest hair, "Precious" based on the novel "Push" by Sapphire
but like who actually likes red delicious apples it's like taking a bite out of Ava Max it's-
there's- it looks good but there's no substance so this recipe is broken down into simple steps so
you'll need to use a melon baller but if you're a normal person and you don't have one of those you
could just use a spoon or one of those like tin foil heroin things, natural and artificial flavors,
corn syrup, non-fat milk, high fructose corn syrup, plane, club, 'nother club, 'nother club, no sleep
so in the book you can find recipes for apple brown betty, apple crumble, apple cheesecake and apple
bottom jeans boots with the fur, I was actually just thinking about where my love of maple syrup
comes from and I think it's because when I was eight I had a crush on Mrs Butterworth so place
eight pieces of cookie dough on a tray, space them apart, oh in the book I say place only six
well I can go to hell, oh wait let me just check what I said - preheat oven, ugghhhh, I think we got it
you're good, you can turn the camera off, you can cut the cameras, cut the cameras dead ass
it's pretty good you should try this you want to try it cheers, "bon appétit!" - don't ever say that again
welcome to the kitchen! welcome to the kitch, ah Claire Saffitz we've been expecting you
just here in her kitchen really um yeah soaking it all in loving the vibe, thank you for watching
the Claire Saffitz parody uh so many people requested that I do Claire formerly of the test
kitchen but we don't really talk about that Claire now does her own show she's got her own channel
called Dessert Person if you've been living under a rock then you don't know who she is then
I don't know what the deal is with that because she's everywhere she was on- she went on Fallon I think
anyway love Claire I don't know I don't know what the chances are that Claire's gonna see this
and or appreciate it if she does
god she's dry my personal favorite thing about Claire is that she has no qualms (great word)
with telling whoever it is with her in the room that she doesn't want to do it she's not going to do it she
doesn't care very very me so uh love you Claire if you've seen this that was my love letter to you
so I don't think Claire has Twitter she doesn't have Twitter but as per usual here's my social
media there's gonna be a small clip on Twitter and Instagram she's got Instagram so we can tag her on
that at least and maybe she'll see it maybe she'll see it I don't know we'll see what happens but um
love you Claire thanks for coming if you've never been to our channel before we have done a bunch of
these which ones have we done oh god there's been so many over the years so if you like
people taking YouTubers down a bi
peg then stick around so i suppose you know subscribe all that stuff and there'll be a message afterwards if you want to join the Patreon and speaking of we've got some patron birthdays Michael you joined after your birthday but anyway December 7th it feels
like it was not that long ago so I'm going to give you the shout out and it's a happy birthday for
Michael, Michael Ruiz I hope you had a lovely day uh December 7th uh that was sort of the lead up to
Christmas when it was all sort of starting to go a bit s*** not that it wasn't horrendous by then
anyway Michael I'm sorry you birthday shout out was terrible also Ryan W for December 29th and then
Elizabeth and Pablo for December 30th uh thank you so much for being with us guys and you've
been with us for ages as well some of you um so I hope you all have lovely birthdays and there
was a sort of new year celebration of some kind stick around, 2021 guys we've got some discussions
over at the the Novympia Patreon at the moment regarding who we're going to be parodying next
we've got some great names coming up there's one in particular who people have been requesting for
ages who we're finally going to get around to doing it but yeah thank you for coming love that love
you Claire, go follow Claire go watch Claire's stuff is better than this
the Novympia chanél is made possible by our gorgeous patrons who get early access
exclusive content and buyer's remorse!