Hey guys Raya here.
I'm coming at you today with a bit more of a serious video
But it's just something that I really need to talk to you guys about.
I've kinda been nervous to make this video, but I just know I need to talk about it.
So here we go
So if any of you guys have been following the media, then you know that a lot of women in Hollywood have spoken up recently
about sexual harassment and sexual assault that they have gone through in their field of work.
And from that, a movement has kind of started.
Where so many women, countless women, are sharing their own experiences of sexual harassment and assault.
On social media and stuff, with the hashtag "MeToo"
And the point of this is to start a conversation and to show how common it is, and just what a huge problem it really is
And for a while I was hesitant to join the conversation,
because none of my experiences have really been as extreme as some of the experiences of so many of the women who have been sharing
But..That's the problem!
Because so much that has happened to me is really not ok
But it's also happened to some of the people that I know that I'd almost... I was like, telling myself that it wasn't worth talking about, just because it happens so often
But that's why I need to talk about it.
So specifically, what I wanna talk about is my experience at university or college, if you're in America.
And this was actually a conversation I had months ago.
Over the summer, I was talking to someone, and they brought up some of their experiences that they went through when they were at university
And just how so many of those experiences were sexual harassment, but how they didn't realize that they were, at the time.
And when they were sharing these things I honestly, I felt like I couldn't speak for a few minutes.
Because it was just hitting me that so much of what I went through was sexual harassment or sexual assault.
But I didn't even process it as that, at the time, or untill at that moment.
And, when it hit me that it was, I realized how messed up and not ok it was
and how this needs to be talked about more,
and how big of a problem it is, specially for that period of time.
So some of the things that I specifically went through, a lot of it was around partying or going out.
But I barely drank and I didn't really go to any like, big clubs.
I went to university in London, but pretty much any time me and my friends went out it was at our university bar night.
Where it was only for students.
And at the time I was like: "Oh I'm gonna be way more safe here, because there won't be any of the creepy old guy, that are normally at clubs.
But so much happened to me, even in a more safe environment
From basically every single night that I went out, I was touched inappropriately. Someone would grab my butt or my boobs.
Or try to kiss me, like literally push themselves on me
Or if I'd be walking pass them, they'd pull me down on their lap and try to kiss me
Or whatever it was, like, just very aggressively hitting on me or whatever.
But yeah, it happened every single time, it happened to so many of my friends.
And we were almost like, justifying it, normalizing it
We would all get back and be like: Ugh that guy again, that creepy guy that touched your butt last week, touched my butt this week, or whatever.
And we just didn't really process how much of what happened to us was messed up.
If any of that happens to me now, I would be very vocal about what was happening,
In the moment that it was happening, and after it was happening, I would tell people and.. I'd tell the police if necessary, or security whatever it was.
But at the time it just didn't even occur to me. It was like: " Oh yeah, just another normal night out"
And some of the things that were happening were scary, and could've gone really badly.
One of the experiences I remember..
We were having a flat party, we were all sharing a flat, or whatever, a dorm.
But we all had like, our own private bedroom, with bathroom, and we had to share the kitchen and living room.
So we had a big party, everyone invited a few friends.
And I just went back to my room, to.. I don't know, like, change, or go to the bathroom, or whatever
And this guy, one of my flatmate's friend, this big rugby guy came into my room,
and started making out with me, basically, like push himself on me.
And I had to say "no" quite a few times.
And like, physically push him, basically, out of my room.
And I'm grateful that he did leave, because if he tried to push it further, I don't know what would have happened and if people would've been able to hear me over the music or whatever.
Thinking about it now, I get really scared of what could have potentially happened.
But at the time, I remember, I went next door to my friend's room, and
I told her about it, and she was like: "Oh yeah, after your room, he came into my room, and tried to make out with me too, and I had to push him out"
We kind of laughed it off at how like, creepy he was, but
It's so messed up and it's so not ok.
So many of these stories, just keeping coming to mind, and..
The one, the really really scary one thing that I've been talking about since I left university
is the fact that I was the only person out of all of my friends who didn't get roofied.
And I think the only reason that I didn't is because I couldn't afford to buy drinks at the bar, so..
If I drank, I would drink a little bit at home and that was it, and that's usually when it happens when you're holding a drink that someone drops something in it.
Like, how insane is that?!
Every single woman that I know, was drugged
And thankfully, omg, I'm so grateful that none of my friends, nothing really bad happened to any of them
So many of them were able to feel something was off, we were able to get them home, or they were able to get home themselves.
I just.. I just don't know how this isn't talked about more.
How.. it just wasn't a conversation at university
To be more aware of.. these things that might be happening to you.
And to know what to do about it
And I feel like... Maybe even if we were just more aware that what was happening to us was sexual harassment.
Honestly, even like, putting those words together makes such a big difference to me, because
I think if I'd realized it at that time
I would have been more vocal and been more open about how not ok it was.
Because maybe a lot of these guys didn't realize how much of a problem it was
Because women weren't really fighting back and showing them that it wasn't ok.
But we really need to be doing that. We need to be telling people, we need to be telling securities
we need to be... Maybe if all these women told people at our school, at university,
then maybe we would all have a more open conversation about it and be more aware of it.
But I just really needed to like, open this conversation, and to start talking about it
Specially because if any of you are going to college, or in college, or know someone who is, please share this video with them.
Because we all need to be so aware of what's happening to us, and
Just know that no one should EVER be allowed to touch you without your consent, EVER!
And the fact that it just happens so often, and we kind of act like it's ok
It needs to change, and it needs to change now! And yeah, I needed to open this conversation up, and just get talking about it because I wish I'd watched a video like this when I was at university.
Cuz I think I'd've had a different experience
Yeah.. Stay safe guys. Love you :) Bye