(soft upbeat music)
- I gotta have a baby now
everyone telling me I gotta have a baby
I don't even know, like,
I don't if I have my eggs work, I don't know.
I don't wanna have a baby.
But everybody is like, you gotta hurry up,
'cause if you don't you be in your 40's the baby is gonna
be handicapped, and I'm like, well.
The baby's gonna have to be handicapped
I don't know what to tell you, I'm not.
First of all, I'm gonna love dat baby
even if it's handicap, I'm not an asshole,
I'm gonna love that baby.
(applauding)
Yeah, a 1,000%.
Plus, it's gonna come with a handicap sticker
we can park wherever we want.
I'm just sayin' why would I, I gotta go.
You guys were great, thank you so much.
So sweet.
- [Announcer] One more time for Yamaneika everybody,
one more time. (applauding)
(upbeat music)
- Hi, Sir.
Hi.
Sir, hi, hello
Hello.
- Yes, Ma'am.
- Hi, how are you?
I just wanna make sure you know where I'm going.
- Totally programmed in the GPS right now.
Should be there in 22 minutes.
- OK, great.
Well the app said that you're disabled,
so I just wanna make sure that--
- Ma'am, with all due respect to you
I prefer the term, hearing impaired.
And, I wouldn't take pity on me Ma'am.
You're a 3.5 on the app, I'm a 4.8.
I'm doing you a favor by just driving you right now.
- Listen, okay, I'm not trying to discriminate against you.
The app says that you're deaf,
and I need to make sure you get me
to my destination on time, I have a gig.
It's a The Stand, do you know how to get there?
- Ma'am, if you look at your
profile on the app, you're a known water bottle thief,
and a phone charger thief.
- Who are you the FBI?
Is this Blacklist, what's going on?
- Sorry, what?
- I'm just trying to help you out, Sir.
- I can't hear you, what?
- Oh don't play that game with me.
- Can't hear you, I'm deaf.
- Don't fucking play with me, Sir.
(applauding)
- Aw, Man, that's amazing.
Y'all ain't even heard the shit I said yet.
I've been sittin in the back, man,
listenin' to what you guys been laughing at,
and I appreciate the fact that you guys are
Progressive free thinking crowd.
That doesn't see color.
I'm black, ladies and gentlemen.
(laughing)
I just need you to know that upfront,
or else my jokes ain't going be funny.
(laughing)
Know what I'm saying?
Let's get that out of the way.
- Get me out, I want out of this car.
This bus stop, I want out.
Okay, right here at this bus stop.
- Ma'am you can't take the bus.
- Are you kidding me?
You're gonna tell me I can't take the bus?
Rosa Park sat in the front so I could take the bus.
- If you want to get out, I can stop for me.
- Lemme outta this freaking car.
- Fine, you wanna get out, get out!
I'm no longer responsible.
- [Yamaneika] Fuck is wrong wichu?
- Oh my God. (laughing)
- [Woman] Like, don't break the bench.
- Like for real.
Look at this old ass bitch.
Don't look at her, don't look at her, don't look at her.
- [Woamn] I ain't lookin' at no fucking bitch.
Stop lookin' at me.
- Would you like to sit down?
Please take my seat.
- Here we go.
- What are you doing?
- What?
- What are you doing?
- Why would you put a stroller on a seat
like that, and this woman's trying to sit down?
- The baby needed a seat.
- OK?
- He's in a seat, he's in a stroller.
Why wouldn't you give her a seat?
This is Harriet Tubman, she fought for this.
- Why do you care so much, you broke ass Beyonce'?
Beyonce'sang, she didn't drink it all.
- OK?
- Real cute, I have diabetes.
- You know what's not cute?
That little camouflage like people can't see you.
- We can see you.
- Who are you trying to hide from, Candy?
- Stop it, you hood rat, and you hood rat,
and Baby hood rat.
- Hood rat?
- [All] Wow.
- Bitch, if we're hood rats, you're queen hood rat.
Look at yourself in a mirror.
- Look at that dusty ass wig.
You a mess girl, and all three of the Tupacs
on my shirt is praying for your edges.
How bout dat, ay?
- You not gonna help me out, I did this for you.
Come on then.
- Fuck all y'all.
(women laughs)
- Girl, your momma fried you.
Okay how bout dat?
Ooh, look at this little baby backpack.
- [Woman] Look at that little backpack.
- Hike it up, hike it up.
Little baby backpack full of Beefaroni.
- Taxi!
(screeching)
- I'm from the South, and so I walk
on the outside of the sidewalk.
You all know this chivalrous custom?
You know this, right?
That's to protect the woman in case a car jumps the curb.
I'm strong, but I ain't dat strong.
You know what I'm saying?
But I still walk on the outside,
because they're like, oh Alzo, you're such a gentleman.
Little does the woman know that the real reason
I walk on the outside of the sidewalk is so
the juice from the air conditioning won't hit me in my face.
(laughing)
That shit is disgusting.
(dance music) (applauding)
- [Announcer] One of the hottest comics
working in New York City today.
Put your hands together for Yamaneika Saunders.
(applauding)
- Thank you so much, Ron.
Give it up for Ron, right?
So funny.