You want to hang out Saturday?
Can't. I signed up to get baptized.
Oh, yeah. I've been meaning to do that.
Well, why don't you join me? We could do it together.
Sure. You and me, getting double dunked. I like it.
Can you imagine afterwards?
All of our sins will be washed away.
Yeah, and we can start cranking out fresh ones.
I just don't know where I went wrong.
Are you sure your questioning was skillful?
I thought so, but after two hours of interrogation,
all I could extract from my sister's brain
was that there was some sort of block with new kids on it.
Sheldon, how's your educational project going?
Poorly. I've hit a wall.
Have you considered B.F. Skinner's behavior modification?
What's that? It uses punishment
and reward to get the results you want.
Ooh, punishment. I like the sound of that.
(quietly): In the right context, so do I.
I took a real beating at the craps table,
and then I won it all back playing Caribbean Stud Poker.
Well, how does Caribbean Stud Poker work?
I have no idea. I was drunk off my ass.
(both laugh) MARY: Way to go, Mom.
Way to lead a Christian life.
Oh, does my daughter think poorly of me?
Yes.
Good. I can die happy.
Hey, Mom, just a heads-up, I'm getting baptized tomorrow.
Good Lord.
That boy's randiness knows no bounds.
What are you talking about?
He's only doing it
'cause of that Veronica girl.
Oh, sure. That makes sense.
What do you mean, it makes sense?
When I was his age, I hitchhiked to Florida
'cause I had a friend that had a girlfriend
who knew a girl who might be willing.
But then you met my daughter and you didn't have
to travel so far. (laughs)
(bottles clink)
SHELDON: According to B.F. Skinner,
if I can find the appropriate punishment to motivate Missy,
there's no limit to what she might be able to learn.
But what might that punishment be?
Whip her with a rubber hose?
No. That sounds like a recipe for tendonitis.
Administer small electric shocks?
Tricky.
If I get the voltage wrong, I could spend the rest of my life
in an institution for the criminally insane.
Or I inflict harm
on the object she loves more than life itself.
Celeste, you're about to become part of scientific history.
All right, everybody, welcome to the 1990
East Texas Baptist Olympics.
(laughs)
'Cause we're in the pool of water.
Anyway, I want to welcome
our little sister Veronica Duncan,
who I will be dunkin'. (chuckles)
Sorry.
I can't turn it off. And I also want to welcome
George Cooper, who has recently found
his way to the Lord.
Howdy. Praise Jesus.
(sighs)
Are you ready to learn some advanced calculus?
Nope.
Be right back.
Take your time.
Veronica, do you trust in Jesus Christ
as your personal Lord and savior?
(laughs softly): I do.
JEFF: It's upon your profession of faith
that I baptize you, my sister,
in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
♪ Wade in the water
♪ Wade
♪ In the water, children, wade
♪ In the water
♪ Washing me down, washing me down ♪
♪ Wade...♪
Dang.
All right, let's try this again.
Would you be ready to learn some advanced calculus
if it saved Celeste's pigtails?
What are you doing? Put her down.
Not until I modify your behavior.
In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
♪ Drop me in the water...
Sheldon, I'm warning you.
ALL: Hallelujah!
(laughs) We did it!
♪ Tease me...
Ooh, I'm so happy.
I love you.
Is it working? Are you feeling motivated?
Very.
(animal growling)
(Georgie grunts) (all gasping)