I bought this a Triumph Herald.
And here's my idea.
Instead of using the engine to power it on the water,
I'm going to fit it with a mast and some sails.
How brilliant is that?
I have no idea what James is doing,
nor do any of us have any idea what kind of water we'll be tested on.
I think it'll be some sort of river, or maybe a canal,
which is why I have bought a camper van,
which I'm going to turn into a house-boat... of sorts.
Yep. It's a Toyota Hilux pick-up truck, which I chose for two reasons.
Firstly, as we've proved with tests on Top Gear, it is completely indestructible.
And secondly, that rear end is the perfect mounting point for an outboard.
This is a great little outboard 'cause everything's in it.
You pop it in there, put this down. It might need to be longer.
Look... I'm thinking more, Steve, in terms of this to be honest.
In fact, I'm thinking more in terms of two of these rather than one of these.
-How many horsepower is that? -2.3.
It'll get you along very nicely.
2.3 is a small amount of horsepower. I want this.
Don't you just want it to go?
That's 225 horsepower, so two... 450 horsepower.
That's half the horsepower of a Formula One car.
Ow! Ow! I'm on fire!
[bleep]
Oh, for God's sake!
Right, that's got it!
We had one day left to get ready and our vehicles were far from being seaworthy.
Mine was still on fire.
This is the challenge, gentlemen.
"You must drive your amphibious cars..." Yours isn't.
"...to Rudyard Reservoir."
-It's a reservoir near Leek. -Reservoir.
So, we've gone from Keel to Leek.
"And drive them all the way the two-mile stretch of water."
-Two-mile stretch of wa...? -Two miles.
-If it's two miles, it could be choppy. -Doesn't bother me. I'm doing 40 knots.
Doesn't bother me. I've got infinite wind power and a very stable craft.
Mount up, gentlemen.
In the traditional spirit of Top Gear comradeship, we left James behind.
Jeremy appears to be having quite a bouncy ride!
Meanwhile, my lack of power really was becoming a problem.
Help!
I'm trying to get up the hill!
Finally, Hammond and I arrived at the reservoir.
Now. While we're waiting for James, I should explain it's March.
It's the coldest March for 20 years because of global warming
and that means the water into which we shall be driving is...
-Well, how would you... -Let me tell you.
The big question was, which would arrive first?
Summer or James May?
-Where is he? -I don't know.
I mean, he's got to show up at some time.
I can only just see the mast!
Just... just the mast!
Have you had a few problems?
No. I just had to make a bit of a detour.
Low bridge. You know?
-Mast. -Where's he going?
Watch this.
Brace! Brace!
It works!
That is really annoying. I've got a rudder.
It did indeed work. For a few moments.
But before I could hoist my sail,
I drifted into some weeds and got stuck.
Then it was my turn.
Life jacket!
I was grateful when I saw the water line I'd insisted on only having one engine.
-Can you give me a tow before you sink? -No, I can't! I'm leaking!
I, however, was about to launch into a world of issues.
I'd bolted my propeller to the flywheel.
And as I drove in, it hit the ramp...
and broke.
So I was in the water with no drive,
but that was the least of my problems.
Oh, no! It's sinking!
This is the moment! Look, it's the Titanic! Look!
It's going!
Oh, no! Oh, no!
Hammond, how much?
-For what? -A lift.
I'll give you a million quid or... this bucket!
-What do we think, viewers? -Oh, come on! I'm going down!
-Where's May? -I don't know!
What do you think I'm worried about right now?
I'm aboard.
-Now, get in there and get bailing! -Oh, right.
While I was on my perilous rescue mission,
James had powered ahead.
I need more wind!
Here we go!
My toy submarine is off! That's full power.
-It's working... It's not working. -No.
It's slow but certain. I'm not sinking.
Even though we were racing someone
travelling at the slowest speed ever recorded by man...
Come on!
..Jeremy still insisted on going at full tilt.
Up! Up! Rise!
Rise, Toybota! It's coming over the side!
And boats don't do emergency stops.
Jeremy! We're going in!
Relax!
Our bailing session meant the tortoise was catching up.
I can see the finish line.
It's about, oh, I don't know, a couple of hundred yards away.
Or about four and a half hours.
So this was it, the final assault!'
Coming in hot! We're nearly there!
Come on, you bitch!
I'm going to make it!
I just had to turn round the pontoon and park,
but I turned too hard and too fast.
-That was a mistake! -You have just overcooked it.
Richard?
Richard!
It's going over!
[bleep]
That's pretty cold.
That's pretty bloody cold!
I can't believe it!
Two miles and it goes now!
No! No!
No!
HMS Clarkson has capsized by the sounds of things. That is fantastic.
Oh, yeah! Well, it was a good idea.
It had only one major flaw.
What?
I think I may have won my second Top Gear event.
I simply... step off.
If he drives out of the water, I'm going to kill myself.
-Eh? Fair enough. -Yeah.
-Is that your car? -Yes.
It's the wrong way up.
Don't give me technicalities!
Would you agree I made it to the pontoon?
No. Watch this for a perfect about. We'll give you a hand.
-That's annoying! -That is irritating!
-That's annoying! -Can you do it?
The clutch has gone.
-The clutch has gone? -Oh, he's failed!
No, I haven't failed.
-You have! -No, I'm out!
-You're not out! -I'm on the slipway!
Can I just say, chaps? One observation I would have. Sailing...
Really boring!