Race day dawned and Richard and I were there good and early
with the cars we bought.
This is a 150 mile an hour BMW 328I,
for which I paid £795.
-Nice. It looks good. It's a lot of car. -And you paid what for this?
This is a Citroen Saxo VTS 1.6 for which I paid £550.
-And it's a nice one. -It is a nice one.
-It's all right. -That is in really good nick.
It's a hot little car.
Then James arrived in a Toyota MR2.
That is a surprise. That is an unexpected car.
-I thought he'd been lost on the A35. -Morning.
May! How much was that?
-£450. -Seriously?
-450 quid? -Yep.
So we've got mid-engine, rear drive,
front-engine, front drive, rear drive, front engine.
-That's a 328. -I know. But have you seen this?
-It's brilliant, this-- -I'm going to have say.
I wouldn't normally say it, obviously, but your cars look terrific.
-Hammond? Blood type? -Yes.
-Red. -Well, it is. It's red. I've checked.
Stuck a pin in it. B?
-B-. I don't know what I am. -That's an exam result!
-I just made it up. -A letter...
-It's what I'm used to seeing on forms. -I wasn't sure.
So, I put AB+. That way I'll get the lot, so, one of them will be right.
Erm, as you can see, obviously, I've put stickers on mine.
-Yeah, where did... -Well, it's the BBC.
And you have to have stickers on a racing car.
Fragile roof?
I know, but the BBC doesn't allow brand names.
I put health and safety notices over it 'cause that's what the BBC likes.
Now, we should explain at this point that there are certain safety requirements
that you have to fulfil before you go motor racing.
So, you have to put a roll cage, proper seat, harness,
electrical cut-off, fire extinguisher.
The total cost of doing that on mine was around £1,000. Yours was a bit less.
A bit less. There's less roll cage in it. It brings it up to 1,400 quid for the lot.
-And yours is? -1,430.
So, 1,400, 1,400, 1,800 all in.
So, for the price of a bag full of golf bats,
we were ready to go motor racing
and the motor racing we'd selected was rallycross.
The beauty of this is that half the track is tarmac
and half is gravel and mud.
As they turn into the loose... Oh, my good...
Oh, gosh, I don't know what's happened!
So, you get to do high-speed circuit driving
and slidey rally stuff all in the same race.
-Do you know? I used to love rallycross. -Yeah.
Grandstand, the World of Sport, you had Dickie Davies go:
"Right, this afternoon, we've got fly-fishing and athletics and golf."
And you go: "Oh, no!" And then: "And rallycross."
And you had those tiny little televisions,
with a little black and white screen you were watching it on.
You might have done in Birmingham.
-Look at that! -I know!
But then he's got some actual track--
Or he could be standing now with a Pringle jumper on going like this.
Waiting for the man in front to have his go.
Do you know the best thing about this is, it's really simple.
When we got to the drivers' briefing, however, I realised I'd spoken too soon.
Okay, there's 18 of you, so, when you do your heats,
if you finish first, you get one point and we've got three sets of races,
so there'll be three people with one point,
three people with two points, three people with three points.
If you come seven twice, that gets 14, but you only end up seventh.
You get seven points.
Why does it say one plus two equals two when clearly it doesn't?
Yeah, well, you only pick the best one.
If we were doing three, we'd pick the best two.
Three what?
-Three of your points from the heats. -Eh?
Happily, Captain Maths was on hand to explain
that, in short, we'd all take part in two heats and at least one final.
And, with that sorted, we got to know the other drivers.
I notice from the entry sheet you're all called Gary.
I'm not!
Do you mind if I call you Gary, just to keep everything clear?
Just to keep it simple.
Okay, but who is actually called Gary?
You're Gary, you're Gary and you're both in my class.
So, you are racing in Gary class... So, you are Gary Clarkson.
I, meanwhile, was in the modified two-litre class and our heat was first.
I've got to do three laps. That's all. Three laps and try not to mess it up.
Look, we're getting lined up. This is the grid. This is it!
Go!
Oh, we're off.
-He is overtaking! -Oh, my God, he's about second!
(bleep)
-He's not... He's third. -Third!
This is good. This is good.
Now I'll have him!
-Come on, come on! -Oh, this is exciting!
-It's weird. -Oh, my God, he's gone to second!
He's overtaken... No, he hasn't.
But this is genuinely exciting racing with James May in it!
And remember, this costs less than golf.
This bloke's all over my chuff!
Right, watch this!
Oh, no! No, I've got it back.
No... Oh, he's lost it.
I've broken something. Sod it!
-We... must... not... laugh... -No.
...when he gets back.
How bad is it?
I suppose just at the wings on the wheel...
-The suspension's collapsed. -Every time I braked, it veered off.
Do you know that, momentarily, you were in second place?
Yeah, I know. It was extremely exciting.
Next up in the stock hatch class was Professor Richard Hammond,
who was still trying to get to grips with the scoring system.
Six plus one equals one, because that's the result they carry forwards...
which means I could end up in final C, which... C comes before A.
I'm just going to drive around as fast as I can.
-Oh, he's going to... -Not bad, not bad!
It's a blinding start from Hammond!
I love the rough stuff!
The agile front-drive Citroen was brilliant in the mud.
Yeah!
But I could have done with a bit more power on the tarmac.
I haven't quite got the legs on this one up to the top. Might have...
I braked myself into that quite hard.
He might have done it. No, he's not going to do it.
Unless he can get a lot of speed downhill.
Oh, this is an epic battle for third place!
-Oh, no, wait, he's through. -He's done a move.
He's overtaken somebody!
Oh, this is exciting. It's too exciting even to speak!
That was a punt!
Could be playing golf, remember? Could be playing golf.
He's not going to come third. That would be impossible.
Come on. Come on!
Yeah! Third place, that'll do me. Come on!
Has anybody ever left a golf course feeling this high?