Howdy. Ando here from Happy Life Martial Arts and today I have the honor
of standing here with Fauzia Lala. She's the founder of Defense Ninjas. If
you haven't checked out her YouTube channel, I'll put the link below.
Fauzia, I was hoping you could help answer a question for me today.
>>Absolutely. >>Sometimes I meet women, they're interested in self-defense and
they want to go right to a technique. They say, how do we get out of a
choke? How do I get out of a bear hug? But is that really the best approach to
self-defense for women? What do you think? << Yeah, you know, there is so much more to
self-defense than just knives and attacks and learning those techniques.
There are these statistics from Seattle P.D. that 80 percent-- I believe
80 percent, like roughly as a number--80 percent of
women who are attacked, they're not attacked by strangers they're attacked,
by people they know. And they're not attacked in a dark alley, they're
attacked in places they're familiar with, in their homes and in their
office environment. And again they're not necessarily attacked with knives or
baseball bats. I mean, that's what you hear about in stories like you were
sharing. You know, it's more open hand attacked or it's just not even
physical necessarily, it's verbal. So, it's just thinking about that... you know, the
short answer to your question is no. They should focus really not just on how do I
learn to get out of a knife, but focus before that more on just where am
I at? You know, self-awareness. Assessing the situation.
Honoring yourself. Am I in a relationship that is worth me? Am I in a situation
where I feel safe? What does my intuition say? Check in with yourself. Where I'm at.
And you know, that is so important. A lot of people don't do that. A lot of women
especially just go, go, go, do this, do that and we have a lot of
compassion. You make a lot of excuses. Oh, this should be okay. Oh, I'm overanalyzing.
And we just kind of let it go, right? And it has
to start there. It has to start with just observation. You know, just your mental
game. Are you confident in yourself?
<<So, it's funny because sometimes when you start a self-defense course, they'll
always talk about awareness of your environment, awareness of your
surroundings, where did you park, where are you walking, but what you're talking
about is self-awareness and self-reflection. Be aware of how you're
feeling. Be aware of how people make you feel? Is that right? <<Yeah, that's
absolutely right. You know, a lot of women are in just bad relationships. Then you
know the signs are there, just not acknowledging it. It's that you know-- what
is your rule? I have a rule that if any man violates my physical
space in any way, that's it. It's over. And you know, I tell people this, it
doesn't matter, oh, I'm sorry. Domestic violence situation is
the same-- oh, this person is just hot-tempered and he hit me just
very lightly. And we just make excuses. And you just have to have that--
write it down. I have a written list, actually. I do like my core
values-- core extrinsic values, core intrinsic values, and just some
adaptable values, and attributes I'm looking for in people.
All relationships. Personal relationships, business
relationships. Things that I'm not gonna compromise on. And I honor that. >>Right.
>>Look at that checklist. And you know, women get this a lot to where
if they say that--hey, you know, this happened, and I'm honoring my
commitment and I'm stepping back and this is not meant for us, they will get
this feedback a lot. Something along the lines that you're rude. You're
just-- you're just a bad person. Or some comment like that.
And they feel bad, like, oh, I guess I could be nicer about it. I could understand
this person. No! No, there's a reason why you wrote that down. You need that for
yourself. Your health, your physical health, your mental health. I mean...
I have endometriosis and I learned that from my psychologist,
right? Recently. It was such a mind-blowing educational moment for me
that every time a situation goes wrong with a potential partner, that my
symptoms flare. And just kind of knowing that. Why would I put myself in
that situation? And you know, it's not a one-and-done thing. It's not that, okay
I have this checklist, self-awareness, that I'm good to go. It's
practice. You have to continuously practice. And I sometimes get into
situations where I'm like, well, how did I not do this? My cell phone is
charging is low. I don't have my charger on me. I'm stuck in this place and with
this wrong person. How did I of all people get in this situation, right?
We all make mistakes. It's just practice, continuously practicing.
And not beating yourself up. It's not, oh, I should have done
that. No, no, no. It's you should have done what you did because that's what you did!
Okay? So, it's just looking back, it's just to gain knowledge. Say, okay, these
pieces of information, okay, now I have that, right? This is now what I'm gonna do.
Write it down, honoring the commitment, right? So, that's just knowledge
you gather from the past, not beating yourself up. You know, it's that all those
pieces are so important. To have confidence, to have love for yourself--
as cliche as that sounds, Ando... >>Sounds very cliche. All right. >>If someone is going to say, why did you do
that? Just say it! People are gonna give you crap for it and it's fine.
Check in with yourself. Do you think you did something wrong here?
>>Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Is that what you're
saying? >>I love that. >> I made that up. >>Creator Ando. >>I stole that. So, good advice for
sure. When you're coming to look for self- defense material, it shouldn't just be
about I'm gonna go practice punches for ten minutes, I'm gonna practice push-ups
for ten minutes and get into shape. You should start at a much simpler level.
I'm gonna practice breathing. I'm gonna practice telling people how I feel.
I'm gonna practice setting boundaries with people. Is that fair to say?>>Yeah.
That's absolutely accurate. >> Well, I think that's excellent advice and I hope
people listen to that. If they want to hear more from you, is that possible? You
said so much wonderful stuff. >>Yes! >> If you want even more wisdom from Fauzia, please
again, I'll put the link below to her YouTube channel and you can certainly
check out DefenseNinjas.com. Is that right? >>That's right. That's the website.
>>DefenseNinjas.com. Thank you so much, Miss Fauzia. >> Thank you. >> Wonderful job. Until next time, keep
checking yourself and keep fighting for a happy life.