- Hey guys, we teamed up with Adaptive Studios
to make a really weird mockumentary
about six musicians trying to make it big.
It's called Down Beat.
Here's an episode, we hope you like it.
- Wow!
♪ Don't sit on my chips ♪ ♪ Don't sit on my chips ♪
♪ Don't harsh my mellow ♪
♪ We're on a road trip ♪
Hey, you guys see this?
This cassette player?
There's only one cassette for this player.
It's HEART NOUVEAU, baby.
Crank it!
♪ Don't come on my purple mountains ♪
That's fucking music!
♪ Don't come on my amber waves of grain ♪
- Free form, dangerous!
Record companies don't make shit like this anymore
because they are afraid.
(car horn honking) But the kids, they love it.
- We have put all kinds of things in here,
so it very well could be.
- Gas up for fuck off, lady!
- That's a good lyric.
I met Charles my sophomore year in college.
(rock music)
I was this pissed off, punk rock Movement major
and he was this, I don't know, he was studying
to be something rich like a lawyer, I think.
I forget.
I hung up all these signs around campus saying
I wanted to start an experimental punk band,
and this nerd shows up.
Little did I know he was like a bomb waiting to explode.
Oh, my God, so much rage!
It was awesome.
- [Interviewer] Talk to me a little bit about HEART NOUVEAU.
- Uh, no one's asked me about that
for quite a while.
I suppose I would say that HEART NOUVEAU
was an invasion.
You didn't know what we were, because
we didn't know what we were.
But we were there.
Fingers up, asses out, on stage.
What are you gonna do about it?
(phone ringing)
- Oh, hey milk fart!
- Hello, Maya.
Oh, you're already filming.
I just wanted to make sure you're on the road, don't rush.
I will see you when you get here.
- Hey, Charles, remember this?
Don't come on my purple mountains!
- What's that, sweetheart?
I can't quite hear you.
- Don't come on my amber waves of grain!
- Yes, well, this isn't safe.
So I'll see you when you get here.
- The Grammy winner himself.
I will get him back, I will get him back on board!
Oh, my goodness, look at this.
It's like a whole space station.
Wow, well would you look at that?
Oh my goodness.
The trees must be part of the deal here.
Two cars in one driveway?
Here we go.
How do ya get in?
They should just make houses look like houses, ya know.
(bell ringing)
Hey milk fart, it's me.
(gate opening)
- Hello, hello.
- Hello.
You have a television.
- I do!
- Hello, everyone, come in, come in, come in, come in.
This is my husband, Liam.
- Hi Liam, how are you? - Let me get this for you.
- Oh yeah, take my purse.
- Is that a VCR, fits in?
- It's not a purse, it's a TV.
- You brought a TV.
- I did, I did, and you're married.
- That's so odd.
- Gasp!
It's beautiful in here.
(laughing)
- Maya, these are our friends, Sean and Nancy.
- Speaking of beautiful, Sean, hi, I'm Maya.
And you, Nancy.
May I, may I?
- Kiss as much or as little as you like.
That's a good rule here.
- [Interviewer] Do you miss it?
- No.
I've evolved, as I think an artist has to.
The old Charles felt he needed to fellate an ear of corn
to express himself.
Where as the new Charles can express himself
with a sonata.
I used to think it was so cool to
rebel against me oppressors!
But now, I think it's cool that I was able
to pay off my mortgage when I was 36.
Yes, uh, back from the war, as they say.
- Back from the war.
- What you said.
You know what pairs great with wine?
- Oh no.
- A little sneak peek at what this guy's been working on.
- Oh, no.
Okay, this is a bit of a departure
from what I'm known for.
It's a little more edgy.
- Oh, I love that.
Edgy.
(soft piano music)
- Calm down.
- Woo!
- I mean, come on.
It was really beautiful, honey.
Edgy, indeed.
- Edgy?
- [Liam] Yeah, edgy.
- Maybe if you're a sphere.
Where was the emotion?
And where was the passion?
The fire, the hunger?
- It's missing something.
- The violation of my ears.
- I think it was in there, in the metaphorical sense.
- How about in the Picchetti tempo, did ya catch that?
You're crazy.
- You're crazy.
- You know what, let's cheers.
- Cheers.
- 'Cause I thought that was fantastic.
- Cheers to mayonnaise for my ears.
- I put these walls up to act as acoustic diffusers.
- [Interviewer] Where's the microphone?
- Oh, you have a very good eye, yes.
I have not yet purchased a microphone
because I have actually, not yet
recorded anything in this booth.
- [Interviewer] Why's that?
- Well, you know, it's funny.
You install a state of the art recording studio
in your home, and
you're all set to finally start recording lyrics,
and you realize, you don't know what you wanna say.
It's funny, I pulled out my old HEART NOUVEAU notebook.
This just, just gibberish.
This page just says Joe Lieberman's nipples.
(calm music)
- They used the extra skin from my labia
for my lips, actually.
They're all lips there down anyway, so I mean
what does it matter.
Here, there, whatever. (laughing)
- Don't know what I'm interrupting.
Dinner is going to be ready in two minutes,
so if you guys wanna follow me to the dining room.
- Oh, actually, sorry!
Woo, everybody sit down.
I actually have a little surprise planned
for everybody, so if we could all just
hold on a second and,
I will be right back.
- Hurry.
What's she doing?
- Maya, you okay back there?
- Three, two, one!
(footsteps)
(yelling)
♪ God is your gay twin sister ♪
♪ Everybody say it with me ♪
- God is your gay twin sister.
- Thank you everybody!
We are HEART NOUVEAU!
And we are here to kick your brain into your balls!
That's right, this is the reunion that the world needs!
Right, Charles?
(soft piano music)
- Maya, if you'd be more comfortable,
you're welcome to go change.
- I don't want to change, Charles.
But thank you.
Perfectly fine how I am.
- Hey, so, what do you do on Vista?
- I work at a call center for an internet browser.
Mostly troubleshooting diagnostics, that kind of thing.
- That's cool.
Okay, so, if I were to call and say,
hey, I keep getting brought to Yahoo as my search page,
I need it to be Google, what do I do?
- Um, might be helpful to check for any malware.
You might've picked up a plug-in at some point
that's redirecting your homepage.
- Cool.
That's great.
How do I locate the malware?
- You can download and anti-malware software,
and it'll run a scan and when it's done you can
choose to keep it or uninstall.
Hey, I am so sorry about earlier.
I thought that Charles would jump at the chance
to bring back HEART NOUVEAU but I was (mumbles).
Look at this place.
Look at this life.
Charles isn't missing anything.
I am.
It is not his responsibility to try
and fill that hole for me.
- You do not need to apologize, okay?
And, I actually thought it was kinda great.
That was really brave and experimental.
- You thought that was experimental?
My God!
All right, get ready, baby.
- So much fun.
♪ What would the punk do ♪
♪ He'd ride in his glass box ♪
♪ Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep ♪
♪ It's me, the punk ♪
♪ Oh yeah, get milk ♪
♪ This is what I worship 'cause I'm a man ♪
♪ What are you grabbin' my tire ♪
♪ I'm gonna fuck her ♪
(yelling)
♪ Oh, cream corn horn ♪
♪ Do me, do me, do me ♪
(horn honking)
♪ Squeeze horn hard ♪
- Charles, I had no idea you were such a badass.
This is fucking genius!
(horn honking)
- This is it.
This is what the piece is missing. It's missing horns.
Maya.
- [Interviewer] What's this?
- This is a 2011 Grammy Award certificate
for best ambient music.
Most people don't realize, if you want one of
the physical statues you have to order them separately.
- [Interviewer] Oh, where do you keep your statue?
- I didn't get one.
I thought about it,
and then I realized, I know what I've accomplished.
Why do I need people to know I'm an ambient music composer
the moment they walk in to my home?
- [Interviewer] Why wouldn't you want them to?
- I do.
But I want them to get to know the real me first.
- [Interviewer] So that's not the real you?
Who is the real you?
- Can we cut?
- [Interviewer] Do you want to talk about something else?
- We, we can cut.
- You know, in some cultures they don't even have breakfast.
Or it's things that you wouldn't even traditionally
think of as breakfast.
- I've been saying--
- Intermittent fasting this whole time,
intermittent fasting.
Or whatever.
- Whatever!
And you, it was so great to meet you.
You're special.
- All right, yep.
Yep, yep, yep.
Good, good, good.
That was good.
- It was good to see you. - Like, yes.
- You seem really good.
- You seem, you seem-- it was great to see you.
It was great to see you.
- It was good to see Charles again.
I thought I could get the old gang back together again,
but I was wrong.
He seems really happy, and I'm happy for him.
(phone ringing)
Oh.
Hey Charles.
Did I forget something?
- Hi, Maya, yes, there's something I wanna discuss with you.
So, call me when you get home, please.
- Oh, okay!
I will.
- Yes, this anti-malware software is asking me
if I want to disable a toolbar.
- Yeah, yeah, I'll call you when I get back, okay?
- Also,
don't come on my purple mountains!
- Don't come on my amber waves of grain!
(upbeat music)
♪ Don't come on my purple mountains ♪
♪ Don't come on my amber waves of grain ♪
♪ Don't come on my purple mountains ♪
♪ Don't come in my amber waves of grain ♪
♪ Don't come on my purple mountains ♪
♪ Don't come on my amber waves of grain ♪