( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Larry: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
PLEASE, PLEASE, THANK YOU.
OH, NO, NO.
THANK YOU.
WELCOME-- OKAY.
NO, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
WELCOME.
WELCOME TO "THE NIGHTLY SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST LARRY WILMORE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU.
I APPRECIATE IT.
VERY NICE.
NOW, THAT REALLY MEANS-- THAT REALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME BUT I
GOTTA GET DOWN TO BUSINESS HERE BECAUSE LAST NIGHT OUR
COUNTRY GATHERED TOGETHER TO HEAR FROM ONE OF THE MOST
IMPORTANT BLACK VOICES IN AMERICAN HISTORY.
THANKS FOR WATCHING, EVERYONE.
( APPLAUSE )
YEAH!
I THOUGHT OUR SHOW LAST NIGHT WAS BALLER!
ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME HANGING?
OKAY.
SO WHAT ELSE HAPPENED?
OH, YEAH, THE LEAD-IN TO OUR SHOW WAS THE PRESIDENT'S STATE
OF THE UNION SPEECH.
BUT WHAT I WANT TO FOCUS ON TONIGHT IS THE STATE OF OBAMA,
OKAY.
NOW, BEFORE WE GET IN TOO DEEP ON THIS, I NEED TO BE CLEAR
ABOUT SOMETHING.
I VOTED FOR OBAMA BECAUSE HE'S BLACK.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I'M JUST CLEARING IT UP.
PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK ME, "BUT, LARRY--" THIS IS TRUE.
THIS IS NOT-- THIS IS NOT AN IMAGINED CONVERSATION, YOU GUYS.
( LAUGHTER ) OH, IT'S TWO LARRYS.
BUT "BUT, LARRY, DO YOU AGREE WITH OBAMA'S POLICIES?"
AND HERE'S THE TRUTH-- I AGREE WITH THE POLICY THAT HE'S BLACK.
( APPLAUSE ) AND-- WHICH AND THEN THEY SAY,
"BUT SHOULDN'T YOU VOTE BASED ON PRINCIPLE?"
THAT'S CORRECT.
AND MY GUIDING PRINCIPLE IS THAT AS LONG AS HE'S STILL BLACK--
( APPLAUSE ) HE AND I AGREE ON PRINCIPLE.
WE'RE GOOD.
YES.
EXACTLY.
ALL RIGHT.
I JUST WANTED TO LAY THE GROUNDWORK FOR WHAT'S ABOUT TO
COME, OKAY.
OKAY, BACK TO THE STATE OF THE UNION.
SO LET'S CHECK IN AND SEE HOW HE'S DOING.
>> TONIGHT, AFTER A BREAKTHROUGH YEAR FOR AMERICA, OUR ECONOMY IS
GROWING AND CREATING JOBS AT THE FASTEST PACE SINCE 1999.
>> Larry: OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
WELL MY FIRST GUT INSTINCT ON ON THIS YEAH, HE'S STILL BLACK, SO
IT'S ALL GOOD.
"@MIDNIGHT" IS UP NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!
OH, WE HAVE TO KEEP GOING.
OH, OKAY.
OF COURSE.
WHAT ELSE?
THE ECONOMY IS IN GOOD SHAPE.
OKAY, THAT'S A BONUS.
WHAT ELSE DID THE PRESIDENT HAVE TO SAY?
>>LAST MONTH WE LAUNCHED A NEW SPACECRAFT AS PART OF A
RE-ENERGIZED SPACE PROGRAM AND SEND ASTRONAUTS TO MARS.
AND CONDEMN PERSECUTION OF WOMEN, MINORITIES, OR PEOPLE WHO
ARE LESBIAN, GAY, TRANSSEXUAL OR TRANSGENDER
>> Larry: MAN, THOSE ARE POWERFUL WORDS.
STICKING UP FOR THE L.G.B.T.-- WAIT A MINUTE.
DID YOU SAY WE WERE GOING TO MARS?
MAN, THAT'S DREAMING BIG.
THAT SOUND LIKE THE OLD OBAMA.
YOU KNOW, ALL AUDACIOUS AND HOPE-Y.
>> WE'VE SEEN THE FASTEST ECONOMIC GROWTH IN OVER A
DECADE, OUR DEFICITS CUT BY TWO-THIRDS, A STOCK MARKET THAT
HAS DOUBLED AND HEALTH CARE INFLATION AT ITS LOWEST RATE IN
50 YEARS.
( APPLAUSE )
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Larry: WAIT, WAIT.
DID WE JUST WINK?
LET'S SEE THAT AGAIN IN SLOW MOTION.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WAIT, WAIT A SECOND.
HOLD ON A SECOND.
DOESN'T HE REALIZE HE JUST LOST AN HISTORIC ELECTION?
I MEAN, BOTH HOUSES BY HISTORIC MARGINS.
EVEN HIS OWN PARTY WAS DESERTING HIM.
DOESN'T OBAMA KNOW HE WON'T BE ABLE TO GET ANYTHING DONE IN HIS
LAST TWO YEARS?
OH!
HE DOESN'T GIVE A ( BLEEP ).
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NO!
YES!
NO WONDER HE'S THROWING MARS AT US, MAN.
( BLEEP ).
WHY NOT JUPITER, OBAMA, RIGHT?
JUPITER'S GOT MORE MOVES, MAN.
YES!
OH, MAN. AND IT'S GOT THAT SPOT, RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, SOME ( BLEEP ) GOING DOWN ON THAT SPOT,
RIGHT? WHERE YOU GOING, LARRY? TO THE SPOT?
AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A SPOT PARTY BECAUSE A SPOT PARTY DON'T STOP.
( APPLAUSE ) UNLESS YOU REVERSE THE LETTERS
AND THEN TECHNICALLY IT DOES STOP.
OBAMA, HE JUST DOESN'T CARE.
HE DOESN'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK ANYMORE.
LOOK, CHECK OUT THE AW SNAP MOMENT OF THE NIGHT.
OKAY?
>> I HAVE NO MORE CAMPAIGNS TO RUN.
( APPLAUSE ) MY ONLY AGENDA--
( LAUGHTER ) I KNOW BECAUSE I WON BOTH OF
THEM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Larry: OOOOOOOH!
OH, MAN.
THAT IS AMAZING.
CALM DOWN, MAXINE WATERS.
YOU'RE NOT WATCHING A WORLD STAR VIDEO.
( LAUGHTER ) THOUGH I HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOU,
MAXINE, BARRY GOT HIS GROOVE BACK.
>> IF YOU TRULY BELIEVE YOU CAN WORK FULL TIME AND SUPPORT A
FAMILY ON LESS THAN $15,000 A YEAR, TRY IT.
IF NOT, VOTE TO GIVE MILLIONS OF THE
HARDEST WORKING PEOPLE IN AMERICA A RAISE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Larry: OH, MY GOD!
THIS IS AMAZING.
HE GOT BACK HIS '04 ORATORY BUT NOW WITH SIX YEARS OF
EXECUTIVE EXPERIENCE.
THIS IS THE GUY WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR, FINALLY!
( APPLAUSE ) SOMEONE WHO IS NOT INTERESTED IN
POLLS OR WHAT PEOPLE THINK.
SOMEONE WHO'S JUST GOING TO HAVE A VISION FOR SOMETHING AND STICK
TO IT.
HERE'S HE WORST PART-- IN TWO YEARS HIS LEASE IS UP.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
WELL, LOOK, HE MAY NOT GET ANYTHING DONE IN THE NEXT TWO
YEARS, BUT AT LEAST HE'LL STILL BE BLACK.