- Hi, how you doing?
Not bad. thank you.
Yes, I would like to have sex with you.
I'm hungry.
Could you open that door please?
(light jazz music) (typebar clacking)
- Hey, guys, you know my guest today from the "X-Men" films,
"Split," and now as the voice of Dream,
aka Morpheus in the Audible drama of "Sandman: Act Two."
He's extremely talented,
and always vaguely inappropriate with me.
It's James McAvoy.
- Hello, thanks for having me back,
especially after all the horrible things I've done to you.
- I'm a glutton for punishment.
I can't get enough.
Congratulations on being a part
of the great Neil Gaiman's universe now.
We've obviously talked a lot of times
about your geek credentials.
I would imagine young James McAvoy was reading "Sandman"
way back when.
Does this boggle your mind that you're now the voice?
- It blew me away.
What I loved about it was that
it wasn't just the same thing every week.
It wasn't just like superhero going after a bad guy.
Anything can happen.
- That's a dream job, I would imagine, for an actor,
not only based on the great material,
but you also can look like total crap.
How far did you take it?
Or are you just like smelling like crap looking like crap.
What did you do?
- I took it real far.
I mean, they posted a picture online of me recording this.
I mean.
I mean, come on.
- My question is, below the neck what are we looking at?
Are you nude down there?
What's happening?
- I don't put clothes on unless I'm getting paid, man.
You know what I mean?
Well, I was getting paid there.
- When you sign up James McAvoy.
- When you sign me up, you don't sign up my clothing.
All right.
- Let's get to some games, shall we, sir?
- Yeah, go.
- First challenge for you,
how well do you know your own body
versus your fellow Scotsmen, James McAvoy?
I'm going to show you a series of photos.
You tell me if this is you or another fellow Scotsman.
First one up, is that you?
- That's Alan Cumming. (bell dings)
- What? How did you know that?
- I don't even think I've ever met Alan Cumming, have I?
- That's borderline creepy.
That's amazing.
- I've never met Alan Cumming, but when I do,
I am going to turn him inside out.
(both laughing)
- [Josh] Ooh, some ab action.
- That's not me.
That's got to be Jezebel Butler.
- Wow, we found your greatest talent.
(both laugh)
- Ooh, that's me.
That's the least pumped picture of me in the whole.
- What?
- I went and worked out for months and months and months,
and it's that picture?
That picture?
- I would murder a puppy for that body.
I would do whatever is necessary.
Ooh, dreamy.
- That's a Scottish person?
- It is a Scottish person.
Do you know those nipples?
- I mean, I'm going to take a punt here
and call it Sam Heughan. (bell dings)
- Dude, I don't even know what to say anymore.
Yeah. - Really?
I got it get it right?
- Yeah, yeah. - Hey.
- [Josh] Ooh, old-school.
- That's big Sean Canary, isn't it?
- Yes, Connery.
I don't know if he's reading while he's doing the pushup.
- He's multi-tasking.
And he also looks like he's got tiny hands though.
It must be a trick of perspective.
- Ooh, hairline.
- That's the almost perfect hair of Ewan McGreg-wan.
- Amazing.
- It's Ew-B-wan McGregor.
That's what I'm gonna call him from now on.
- Okay, this is the last one.
You are perfect, so let's not jinx this.
Is this is this you, James McAvoy?
- Yes, it is. (bell dings)
- It is. (James laughs)
The only thing you are better at than acting apparently,
is identifying yourself and your fellow Scotsmen.
Congratulations, my friend.
- Thank you very much.
I'm glad that I finally know what my place on this earth is.
- Next challenge.
We've talked before about your love
of different geek properties.
I'm going to name something to you,
you tell me if you love this or it's just not your thing.
This has been imaginatively titled McAvoy or McAvoid.
I'm so sorry, I'm sorry for that.
- Love it. - "Star Trek?"
- McAvoy.
- "Star wars," is it McAvoy or McAvoid?
- McAvoy.
- Okay, good, just checking.
"Harry Potter?"
- Are we talking films, are we talking books?
Are we talking, what are we talking?
- Let's talk films.
(Josh laughs)
McAvoy, McAvoy.
- What house are you in?
And have you sorted yourself?
- Yeah, I mean,
it just sounds like you're sort of self-aggrandizing
because everybody wants to be in Gryffindor,
but I think that's the only one
that I really would settle in.
But much as there was always fear
that Harry could be a baddy,
I'd love to be like the good Slytherin.
- Yeah, I've seen the Slytherin side of James McAvoy.
There's a little in there at least.
Batman?
You a Batman guy?
- Yeah, not all Batmans.
- You were George Clooney guy.
You were a "Batman and Robin" Batman.
- Yeah, that was my Batman.
Michael Keaton was like, honestly,
Michael Keaton blew me away.
- You were a part of this way back when, "Dune."
- Yes, I was.
I would have to say McAvoy, not McAvoid.
In fact, have I said McAvoid to anything?
- No, we're gonna find something.
Anime, McAvoy or McAvoid?
- I mean, I'm not saying it's bad,
but I've never really launched myself into it,
so I'd say McAvoid.
- James Bond?
- I don't not like it.
I just don't build my week around it when it comes out.
So I'd say McAvoid.
- "Fast and Furious?"
- The only one I think I've ever watched was "Tokyo Drift,"
the "Fast and Furious" that doesn't have any
of the cast members in it that you'd expect to see.
And I remember loving it.
- You're a rebel, love it.
Would you rather questions
and then I'll release you to the wild.
Would you rather, James,
have the most annoying voice in the world
or always smell horrible?
- Do you know what?
Always smell horrible,
because there's some kinky people out there
and someone's going to dig it.
Oh yeah.
- Would you rather always have your mouth full of sand
or always full of cream cheese?
- Cream cheese, 'cause when the apocalypse comes,
I could feed the world.
- Would you rather never have to sleep again
or never have to go to the bathroom again?
- Never have to sleep again.
- Get a lot done. - Yeah.
- Would you rather be roommates with Pennywise
or Kevin Wendell Crumb from "Split?"
- Oh, it's got to be Kevin.
There's a way through to Kevin.
There's good in Kevin.
Kevin's not a bad guy.
Pennywise is just terrifying.
Absolutely terrifying.
- Would you rather get a tattoo with Michael Fassbender
or Patrick Stewart on your ass?
- Michael, definitely.
Nothing against Patrick,
but like Mike was like badass.
- It seems like you've considered it.
You brightened up there.
Would you rather have the ears or legs of Mr. Tumnus?
Your Narnia character of course.
- The legs, a hundred percent the legs.
Think what I could do with it was legs.
I could run it faster than you've Usain Bolt.
I could leap tall buildings perhaps,
or at least tall fences.
And again, you're gonna find some kinky people out there
that want to get involved with these legs.
- The smelly dude with the weird legs.
- He's a catch.
- Last one.
Would you rather only be able to quote
your lines from your films or never speak again?
- Lines from my movies, a hundred percent.
In movies I have said probably loads of words, right?
Like, hi, how you doing?
Not bad, thank you.
Yes, I would like to have sex with you.
I'm hungry.
I've probably said all those things.
I've said some really funny things.
I've said some really powerful, meaningful things.
I'm like, come on, I can do that.
I'd be a bit like the flesh version of Bumblebee
when it can only use like the appropriate radio quote.
- Apparently it's a McAvoy on the Transformers movies too.
I didn't ask that.
- And I could be like taking my son to the swimming pool
for the first time and I'd be like, "Time to float."
Do you know what I mean?
Shit like that, it'd be good.
- James McAvoy.
Everybody should check out the Audible Original,
"The Sandman: Act Two."
If you've ever wanted James McAvoy's voice in your head
and who doesn't want that, this is the thing for you.
- Thank you.
- It's good to see you buddy, as always.
Thanks for indulging me.
- Always a pleasure.
Thanks, man.
(upbeat music)