[Calm, jolly music]
[Record scratch] [Ping!]
We're at the garden centre.
We did think about actually like going out into the wilderness
and chopping down our own tree
and bringing it back hom--yeah, all right.
But then we realised a)
we're actually not very big people
C: And I've been a bit ill this week, so
it's probably not the best idea for me to go axing things
J: Yeah, and no offense but you weigh like a feather.
Very strong there, darling; yeah, you're my big strong...big strong woman.
J: OK. C: I like this one!
J: And also b) I think it is illegal
to just chop down random trees.
But...we're finding some good ones.
J: Slight debate about size, but there we go.
C: I said six foot; Jessica wants eight foot. I said let's meet in the middle and have seven foot;
Jessica's like, "...Eight foot."
C: I'm like, "That's not meeting in the middle."
[Ping!]
[Jolly, festive music]
['Sparkly' sound effect]
J: OK, give me your pros and cons of this tree.
C: Well, I can't really see it myself.
[Jessica laughs]
J: OK, I'm liking the thickness at the base.
C: Nice height. J: It looks a little sparse on top, though.
C: OK, you want something a bit more bushy. J: It isn't attractive up here!
J: Nice down here, though.
J: Very nice.
J: Yes.
J: Yes. You model that tree.
['Sparkly' sound effect]
J: But, like, up there, what's that? No. [Buzzer sounds]
J: Terrible, move on.
J: Ooo, sexy tree.
J: But I like it. C: Look at the height of me.
J: The height of you compared to this tree... All right, fine.
J: Tree for the next house, geez.
J: Liking the bushiness down here; think this is good.
J: Up here - not so bad, actually.
C: I think it's a bit short, actually.
J: Ooh, you think it's short!
[Jolly, festive music]
J: Oh, yeah, OK. This one looks good.
J: Ooo. All right. Don't hate it.
J: Whoa, OK.
J: Whoa!
J: She's so strong.
C: It's quite nice evenly proportioned. J: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm OK with this!
C: Yeah. J: I mean...I'd love it to be at least two feet taller.
J: But...
[Claudia chuckles]
J: I guess I've got to be practical. C: I mean, it's tall enough.
[Jolly, festive music]
C: Look, two for £30.
J: Two for £30? Yeah, but you can't even put them in the--Claudia!
[Jessica laughs]
J: You've gotta look after the tree, goodness!
C: Sorry!
[Jolly, festive music]
J: Here we go.
J: Put the...
J: Down?
J: Will this go in this side?
J: And just like...pull through? C: Er, you have got more space on that side, dear.
J: OK!
[Jolly, festive music]
[Jessica struggling]
C: What are you doing?
C: Maybe...
J: It's stuck!
[Inaudible]
J: It's stuck; it's not me. I'm not just a weakling!
J: I'm probably a weakling, too, but...
[Jessica laughs]
C: I'll come in now...
J: [Laughing] OK. Do you not trust me?
[Jessica laughs]
J: Um...it's still not in. C: Oh.
[Jessica struggling]
J: My...hair! C: Put the seat forward.
C: Now lift the top; pull it forward.
[Jessica struggling]
[Continuing to struggle]
[Continuing to struggle] C: All right, that's in.
J: It's in! C: Well...
J: It's fine. OK! It's in.
C: Wooo!
[Instrumental 'Deck the Halls']
C: It's like--it just feels like you're driving a Go-Kart when you sit like this.
[Instrumental 'Deck the Halls']
C: Hello! J: Hello!
C: Nice bum selfie there.
C: [Inaudible] J: Hello, Walter!
J: You guys are doing a good job helping.
C: [Inaudible] J: Thanks, Walter. Thanks, Tilly.
J: Oop!
J: Look out, honey.
J: Good girl.
J: Feet in slippers.
J: Vital next step.
[Instrumental 'Deck the Halls' continues]
J: Don't mind me. Just holding up the tree by myself.
C: Doing a good job.
J: Stronger than I look!
Man's voice: No.
[Jolly, festive music]
J: OK. The tree is now standing!
C: Tilly's a little bit scared of the tree. J: Oh. Tilly's trying to run away
J: by getting onto my back, what's happening?!
J: Hi. C: Heyyy.
J: Is this safe for you, Matilda? I don't think so.
J: Are we ready?
C: Yaaay! J: Is it my job?
C: OK.
Mwah!
[Claudia titters]
[Jolly, festive music]
[Exclamations]
C: This is looking like a good tree! J: I say weird, but it's not really that weird.
J: It's quite nice, really.
[Both] Yaaay!
[Giggling]
J: [Inaudible] tree!
[Kissing sounds]
[Happy noises]
[Kissing sounds]
['Sparkly' sound effect]
[Calm, jolly music]
J: Hello!
J: I've put the lights on the tree, already.
And now I just have to put on...hundreds and hundreds of baubles.
I think the theme for this year's Christmas tree is 'light.'
Clearly!
I got a bit excited.
And I made Claud take me to the shop so I could buy a second set of seven hundred and fifty bulbs.
I feel it was worth it, though!
C: No... J: Look at that bokeh!
J: Look at it!
J: Look at it! ['Sparkly' sound effect]
[Martin Hall's 'We're Falling In Love' plays]
[Laughing]
J: Just smile. [Happy noises]
[Eating noises] [Laughing]
[Laughing]
C: Love you. J: Love you, too, you fool.
[Martin Hall's 'We're Falling In Love' plays]
J: Good girl!
[Martin Hall's 'We're Falling In Love' plays]