-Enjoy yourself. Welcome, everybody.
Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show"!
You guys are here! [ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you for being here.
Guys -- -Love you, Jimmy!
-I love you, too. [ Laughter ]
Well, guys, today -- today is -- today is tax day.
-Oh. -Oh, yeah.
No, it's -- [ Booing ]
Yeah, it's one of those rare days
when your bank account goes down but Trump's stays the same.
You know, it's -- [ Laughter ]
Well, the big news I read about today is interesting.
The trial was set to begin for Dominion versus Fox News,
but the two parties reached a settlement.
Yeah, you could tell Fox was stressed about the trial
because they spent the day chugging Bud Light.
[ Laughter ]
Well, listen to this. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis
just took his feud with Disney to a new level by threatening
to build a competing theme park
or even a state prison next to Disney World.
[ Laughter ]
-God. -I guess that explains this ad
I just saw. Look at this.
-Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said he wants to punish Disney
by building a state prison or theme park right next door.
And to that we say, why not both?
-Uh... [ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
I'll do it. Yeah.
♪♪
[ Applause ]
-He's in the can.
-Did you guys hear this?
Today, a toddler crawled through the fencing
outside the White House. [ Laughter ]
At first, the Secret Service
just thought it was Pete Buttigieg.
They were like, "Hey, Pete, no, go through the..."
[ Laughter ]
I mean, we're laughing, but when it happened, one guy was like,
[Russian accent] "Operation Baby was a success."
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] They actually wanted to install baby gates
around the White House, but Biden cant figure them out.
He's like, "Wait. I got to push --
push it down, and then move it? I can't..."
Some more news from Washington.
George Santos just announced
that he is running for re-election.
And then a minute later, he announced that he won.
-Whoa. [ Laughter ]
Hey, guys, I read that the creator of the hashtag
has officially signed off Twitter
after his verification checkmark was removed.
Yeah, he invented the hashtag.
Well, it must be a tough time for him,
so to cheer him up, here is our very own Hashtag the Panda.
Ladies and gentlemen, right there.
Oh, yeah.
♪♪
There it is. Hashtag, nice to see you.
♪♪
All right. Thank you very much. Thank you.
♪♪
Sorry.
♪♪
There you go. All right. Very good.
I hope that -- Hope that cheered him up.
That was Hashtag the Panda, everybody, there.
♪♪
No, don't play it again.
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
[ Laughter ]
Who says it isn't great to be a writer
here at "The Tonight Show"? Come on. It's fun.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-No, no, no!
Don't play it again!
Sorry, Hashtag. Sorry. Sorry.
Jack... Jack, sorry.
Jack -- Sorry, Jack. All right, we're good.
We're good, we're good. [ Laughter ]
No more, no more, no more.
Guys, get this. I feel so bad.
-Oh, my God. [ Laughter ]
Drenched in sweat. -Get this, guys.
Amazon Prime is rolling out a feature that will allow you
to boost the dialogue in movies and TV shows
so that you can hear it over the background
music and effects. -Ooh.
-Yeah. In other news,
apparently, my dad got a job at Amazon.
Finally, it's like, "Way to go, Dad.
Your dream came true!"
[ Cheers and applause ]
Some more entertainment news.
Today, Netflix announced that they are shutting down
their DVD rental business.
[ Laughter ]
I miss Netflix DVDs. I love getting those,
"Are you still watching?" postcards in the mail.
I saw that nearly half a billion dollars worth of cocaine
was just found floating off the coast of Italy.
-Whoo! [ Laughter ]
It's Italian cocaine,
so you just sprinkle it over your pasta.
[ Laughter ]
Of course, everyone's talking about
how it doesn't compare to the cocaine
their grandma used to make. [ Laughter ]
Guys, it is Tuesday. It is time for "WeTweet."
Here we go.
-♪ WeTweet ♪
♪♪
♪ WeTweet ♪
-Now welcome to "WeTweet."
This is where we as a group decide
something that we should post on Twitter.
I'm going to show you five different tweets.
We're all going to vote on whether you like
each one or not.
You all have voting clickers at your seats.
You can vote for all of them.
You can vote for none of them. Whatever you want to do.
We're going to see the results live.
We have a graphic that moves up and down.
Everything that's high technology.
We spent all of our money on this technology.
Yeah. Voting technology.
We're the only show... -In the universe.
-Well... -In this building.
At this time.
[ Laughter ]
On this day.
-Yes. Thank you. That is doing this technology.
Higgins, Roots, you all have clickers.
-Got 'em. -Whatever tweet will get
the most likes, and we'll tweet it out live on the show
so that you all can like it at home and wetweet it.
-Ah!
-It's a shared experience. Alright.
You guys ready for this? Here we go.
Our first tweet is...
-Wow!
-It's a thinker there. -Yeah. [ Laughs ]
-If you want to read something funny...
-Yeah, you got to go to Twitter. -You go on Twitter.
-You want to watch something, you go to TikTok.
-That's correct. Thank you. -So therefore...
-Yeah. Alright. Good luck here. I don't know.
I don't know how this one's going to do,
but let's look at the results. Come on.
Ooh, God. [ Sad tuba ]
Overwhelming no. No, thanks. -No, thank you.
-No, thank you. -They prefer not to read.
-How's Hashtag doing? Is he okay?
♪♪ No, don't play that. No, no.
There you go. Alright.
This next one here says...
[ Laughter ]
One or the other. -Yeah. Choose.
-One or the other.
They're very dangerous, those toe rings.
-Yeah. -Be careful.
Let's see the results on this toe ring one.
Alright. Not bad. Alright. Thank you.
Whew. Now I know they work. Now I know the clickers work.
Alright, good. Alright. Thank you.
Thank you for being so honest. Alright, here we go.
This next one here says...
[ Laughter ]
-A cocktail? Yes. -Why not?
-Alright. I'd love to. -It's 5:00 somewhere.
Oh, my -- Henry!
[ Laughter ]
-Five of my friends!
[ Laughter ]
-Let's see the results here. I think this one's...
Oh, yeah! That's good.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That one's in the lead. That's good.
Thank you very much. Not bad. Let's try this one here.
Next up says...
[ Laughter ]
I like that. It's like...
-I must be a ghost? -Yeah.
Alright, let's see the results here.
Alright. Okay. Hey. Very honest.
Very honest audience. [ Sad tuba ]
They don't like it. Thank you, Tuba.
[ Laughter ]
Thank you, Tuba. -They're human beings.
-Yeah, they're human beings.
Here we go. Our last one here says...
[ Cheers and applause ]
-A lot of scotch drinkers.
-I think it was the delivery on that that really helped.
[ Southern accent ] What the hell flavor is butterscotch?!
-You might be a redneck. -It ain't butter.
It ain't scotch.
What the hell flavor is butterscotch?
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] Let's see.
I have a good feeling, though.
-I do, too. I think this is going to be number one.
-It's going to be this one, right?
Wait, what was the other one that was close?
[ Audience yelling "shrimp" ] -Shrimp was 149.
-Oh, I like shrimp better, I think.
I almost don't want to see the results.
-Well, you sold this one so hard.
-I did. What the hell flavor is butterscotch?
Let's see the results on butterscotch.
Oh!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Wow! -Whoa!
-That's not bad!
I like butterscotch! -Oh, my God!
Thank you very much. There you go right there.
Thank you very much, everybody.
I'm going to post this during the commercial break.
If you see it on your feed, give it a like,
give it a wetweet and enjoy.