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everywhere
old neck orange at a farm e-i-e-i-o
please tell me you're not the new farm
hand nope i'm the new farm no hands
oh great
well here's your list of chores and
here's another list of chores for when
you finish the first list
chores more like boars am i right
hello huh he must have been laughing so
hard he had to leave hey hey mr sad
pants hey are you talking to me oh i'm
not sad really then why the long face
yeah never heard that one before well
most people haven't i took a gallop pole
awful ah come on don't be such a
naysayer
[Laughter]
you know what i'm outta here whoa now it
says here i gotta put some shoes on you
and i'm not here to horse around so what
you're thinking adidas nikes three more
of a birkenstocks man don't you know
anything horses wear horseshoes but that
doesn't mean you can't do something
fashionable i'm an orange and you don't
see me wearing orange shoes do ya
well i guess deep down i've always
wanted to look beautiful say no more
i've got just a thing
wow
wow wobbly but my legs look fantastic
now that's what i call a high horse
thanks orange well the horse has been
chewed now i gotta flip it on over to
the barn
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hey watch it pal easy now i don't want
any beef
oh i'm glad you're here according to my
list i'm supposed to milk you and that's
no
bull
ah fine let's get it over with
okay um do you come with instructions or
anything cause i'm utterly confused
i'm never gonna figure this out i'll
tell you what here's a fiver just run to
the store and grab a gallon we don't
have to tell mr farmer guy it can be our
little secret this is so exciting thank
you so much your dairy welcome
although
i've never been to town before i have
nothing to wear don't worry i've got
just a thing
holy cow
a bit wobbly but my legs look fantastic
glad to hear it now let's get moving
hey
i heard you're giving out high-heeled
shoes who squealed
[Laughter]
very funny
listen i've always wanted to bring me
some fashion and culture into the pigsty
you got anything in my size sure go hog
wild
anything in my size you're in a clock
can you pick me up a pair of those
hey hey sweet sasparilla what the heck
is going on in here just working on my
chores sir oh i'm sorry i must have
missed the list you know the one that
said i don't know maybe put all my
animals in high heeled shoes
come on
but no butts orange you're just not cut
out to be a farmer you're fired i mean
come on why are my chickens wearing high
heels why is my goat wearing highest why
am i wearing high heels
and why do my legs
look so fantastic yeah
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and from that day on everyone on the
farm dressed fashionably and took time
to feel beautiful every day
they were happy for several weeks at
which point the farm went bankrupt
because no one was actually getting any
work done
and
hey everyone time to learn how to milk a
cow
i didn't know much about this topic so
to learn more i went deep undercover for
the past week that's what a cow
no silly i'm way too small to pass for a
cow but i am a passable cow bye
oh dude gross true but it allowed me to
get up close and observe cow's daily
lives and let me tell you it was pretty
boring just the opposite bear cows lives
are jam-packed with excitement what they
ate they drink they run around on the
grass all day and tackle each other
people stand and cheer for cows wait
what step one for milking a cow make
sure the cow is dressed in his uniform
dude what are you talking about step two
flip a coin to decide which cow team
receives the opening kickoff orange i
don't think you are observing cows i
think you were watching a football game
what now that's impossible i followed my
cal friend jeffrey around the whole week
nobody's heard from jeffrey in days
orange word on the street is that he was
made into a football that would explain
why jeffrey took that field trip to the
factory and came out looking smaller and
kind of oblong but though they were
definitely cow's bear were they wearing
helmets and playing a game reminiscent
of american football yes but cows are
free to play football if they want
another thing i learned about cows this
week they run around at two feet a bunch
and let me get this straight you milked
those so-called cows well i tried but no
milk came out that's because they were
male also they weren't even cows well
everybody's entitled to their own
opinion i guess this is not an opinion
step three for milking a cow when a cow
on your team scores a touchdown often
that cow will do a celebratory dance are
you kidding me i like to move it move it
i like to move it move it
what's got pear in such a sour mood
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[Applause]
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[Applause]
time to go so grab the rings i gotta
form like a friend that's about to
change who needs a cop when you've got
the hoof he's got a bow box kill that
through the
roof crazy with mass appeal that same
blaster for buns of steel don't give you
no bolt or you'll get the horn you'll
blast it through barnes and fields of
corn faster than the speed of light
kitchen's really fried right
through the day through the night out of
sight got a mad cow that ain't no bull
where's besties
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[Applause]
blue
whip that tail and rock that mic coming
full bore i'm about to strike where's
the beep i got the deets i'm rocking
these beats while we cruise the streets
milking this moment for all it's worth
steering this deer around the earth
can't keep us down cause we got mad
skills selling cow pies and making them
bells milk it does a body gun welcome to
cow hollywood what you gonna do not
afraid of you with my crew dripping
through while we're jumping the moon
stay down wing and you might get bites
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oh
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[Applause]
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man
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[Applause]
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have no fear cowbell's here so have no
fear have no fear have no fear buy cow
stock if you ain't got none truth isn't
important that we're on a boat run one
last time let's kick it free style hyper
drive straight to the miracle wild grab
your friends and party rock yo dancing
with the herd all around the clock have
you heard the word about the
thunderbirds it encourage a herd and
defer the nerd how now brown cow give a
little kick eyebrow pow wow feeling
really quick worried this song don't
make no sense stay with me now if you're
on the fence tried and true gonna blast
that move you've got the cow power in
you too scream that move cause there
ain't no harm drive through a clock till
i pass
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[Applause]
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move
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welcome to story time with pear
and orange today we were gonna read the
story of jack and the beanstalk but
orange already managed to blow that up
totally an accident
i'll bet but the joke's on orange
because i expected something like this
to happen so i memorized the story last
night
so i don't get to make up my own version
of the story this week nope this week
we're doing the story the way it was
meant to be told
now then once upon a time there was a
boy named jack his family was very poor
and one day their cow stopped giving
milk because it wasn't in the mood
anymore yeah
so jack's mom sent him into town to sell
the cow but on his way he came upon a
man with magic beans jack thought the
beans sounded really cool so he traded
the cow for them so the cat went home
with the man orange hold on what's up
the story is about jack not the cow what
i thought it was called jack and the cow
stock no it's called jack and the bean
stock really i like mine better so no
more of this cow nonsense okay the cow
is gone the cow is no longer part of the
story
as i was saying when jack got home his
mom was furious that he had traded the
cow for two dumb beans she threw them
out the window where they were eaten by
another cow no and the cow immediately
sprouted into a giant cow stock
and jack climbed the cow stock to find a
giant barn in the clouds orange what is
it with you and cows do my bear i'm cow
in this story
why do i even try so jack went into the
huge barn there was like a cow feast in
there there was every kind of milk even
root beer milk and there was every kind
of delicious craft to eat and there were
so many delicious cow pies straight from
the oven cow pies oh yeah jack ate like
50 cow pies i don't think you know what
a cow pie is and i don't think the giant
cow who lived in the park was very happy
when she came back home to find that
someone had eaten all of her cow pies
is the grossest story time yet so the
giant cow she's all like bee five
bum cows are awesome and bear is dumb
okay she did not say that
so the giant cow got super mad when she
found jack jack popped onto the normal
sized cow and wrote it out the door but
the giant cows started chasing them just
when it looked like they were gunners
the foul jack was riding sprouted
pterodactyl wings and started flying
what yeah the giant cow fell off the
edge
from that day forward every person on
earth had their own tiny cow oh my god
and jack flew home on his new cow which
turned out to be a really cool pet
because it pooped out golden cow pies
please tell me that's the end it is the
end good
so i just wanted to say i'm sorry i cow
jack story time pair uh it's fine i
guess and i made you something to show
how sorry i am yeah yeah let me guess
it's tnt well actually it's not in fact
it isn't explosive at all really
what is it i baked it dude that's a cow
pie just taste it you really like it no
get away from me
no
no no look out for the blast crater
oh orange ah some of it got in my mouth
[Laughter]
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you