I was fogged out by that point.
It's all fuzzy.
I've reached out to Chris
and the message that came back is that he's not ready to talk.
And when he is, he will reach out.
So I will say to you, Chris,
I apologize to you.
My behavior was unacceptable
and I'm here whenever you're ready to talk.
I want to apologize to Chris's mother.
I saw an interview that Chris's mother did
and, you know, that was one of the things about that moment
I just didn't realize,
and, you know, I wasn't thinking,
but how many people got hurt in that moment.
So I want to apologize to Chris's mother.
I want to apologize to Chris's family.
Specifically, Tony Rock.
You know, we had a great relationship.
You know, Tony Rock was my man.
And this is probably irreparable.
I spent the last three months
replaying and understanding the nuances and,
and the complexities of what happened in that moment.
And I'm not going to try to unpack all of that right now.
But I can say to all of you,
there is no part of me
that thinks that was the right way
to behave in that moment.
There's no part of me that thinks that's the optimal way
to handle
a feeling of disrespect or insults.
No.
It's like, you know, I made a choice on my own,
from my own experiences, from my history with Chris.
Jada had nothing to do with it.
I'm sorry, babe.
I wanna say sorry to my kids and my family
for the heat that I brought on all of us.
To all my fellow nominees,
you know, this is a community,
It's like I won because you voted for me.
And it really breaks my heart to have stolen
and tarnished your moment.
I can still see Questlove's eyes.
You know, it happened on Questlove's award.
And, you know, it's like,
I'm sorry really isn't sufficient.
So there's two things. One,
disappointing people is my central trauma.
I hate when I let people down.
So it, it hurts,
it hurts me psychologically and emotionally to know
I didn't live up to people's
image and impression of me. And
the work I'm trying to do is,
I am deeply remorseful,
and I'm trying to be remorseful without being ashamed of myself.
Right? I'm human.
And I made a mistake and
I'm trying not to think of myself as a piece of s***.
So I would say to those people, I know it was confusing,
I know it was shocking.
But I promise you, I am deeply devoted and committed
to putting light and love and joy into the world.
And, you know,
if you hang on,
I promise we'll be able to be friends again.