-Hi, in this video, I'm going to share four important keys
to make him fall in love with you.
Hi, ladies.
Matt Shaffer, your empowerment, connection, and relationship coach here.
I'm a former attorney, who's committed his life to supporting you in
creating this sort of fun, fulfilling dynamic connections and relationships
with men that you're so worthy of.
I'm really excited about today's topic.
We're going to be diving into four important things you can do,
and you can be right now that are going to help you become irresistible to great men
and help them fall in love with you.
Before we do, take a second, hit that little Subscribe button,
and don't forget to click that link in the comments and caption.
I have created some awesome training.
That's going to make a huge difference in your connections and relationships
with men, but let's dive into this, y'all, because I hear it from my
clients and my students all the time, "I want a man to fall in love with me.
I'm craving that loving intimacy with a man."
What I love to guide them back to is the nature of that word "fall."
I want you to visualize, if you want a man to fall in love with you, I want you to
think of it like he's diving into a pool, or he's diving into a river or the ocean.
You represent that to him because, honestly, for a lot of men,
emotional intimacy, it's a real plunge.
It really is a leap into the unknown.
I'm going to share with you four principles that are going to help entice
a man to want to dive in heart first.
I want to start off by sharing you the important key of all of this, ladies.
It's that if you want a man to fall for you, you get to give
him something to fall into.
That's what these four principles are all about.
Now, the first key is, he needs a clear target, so he knows where to jump.
Think about it.
You wouldn't dive into water if it was pitch dark outside, otherwise you might
end up face planning on the shore.
It's the same way with men and emotional intimacy.
A man wants to feel that he hears and sees and understands you fully,
before he's really going to feel comfortable stepping into emotional intimacy with you.
How do we create that for a man?
We start off by setting boundaries from the very beginning with him,
positive, proactive boundaries about how you want to be treated,
what you're into, what you're not into.
It is not a masculine for you to set boundaries with a man,
it's actually very feminine, and it's actually a very high value thing.
Don't be afraid to let a man know, "I love this, I don't love that."
That's all part of your frame.
Your frame is an incredibly important part of what you're showing to a man.
It is your outline of who you are.
I've talked about it in a lot of videos.
I'll put some links to those in the description, but you want to make sure
that a man has a full understanding of all the different facets of who you are as
he's getting to know you, because that's really giving him that sense of shape
of who you are, what your personality is.
It's going to make him feel safe and confident to want
to move forward with you.
It's important to check in with yourself if a man isn't moving forward with
you emotionally, and ask yourself, "Have I been showing up fully to him?
Have I held my frame?
Have I let him know my preferences?
What I like and what I don't like.
Have I been saying positive proactive boundaries with him from the very
beginning, and am I doing it now, or am I doormatting, pretzeling, and
doing all those things that women do that actually lower their value
and really make a man feel like he doesn't really understand who they are.
If a man doesn't understand you, he's not going to want to fall in love with you.
Principle two is, a man needs to see and feel your depth before
he's going to take that leap.
If you didn't know how deep water was, you wouldn't just dive into it, would you?
No, it'd be dangerous.
Same thing with men taking the emotional plunge.
If there's no depth that they can see and experience within you or
in the relationship, they're not going to want to go further into it.
How can you show your depth to men?
One powerful way is the quality of your questions.
Are you asking surface level daily report questions, or are you going deeper?
Are you asking him questions that touch on his passions?
Are you asking him questions that get him to tell stories?
Are you really getting to know him better and getting to understand the nuances
of him through your questions, or are you just trying to keep a conversation going
maybe cause you're feeling insecure about him and about the relationship?
There's so many powerful feminine ways of being that are going to help you
demonstrate to a man your depth, like being curious, being mysterious,
being present, being open, being surrendered.
It's amazing.
We'll put a link of those ways of being and a lot of other
ones down in the description.
You can go through and ask yourself, "Which of these is authentic to me?"
Then you can start embodying them in your relationship,
which, I guarantee you, will deepen it.
The third and probably the most important way to establish depth
in your relationship with a guy is through your vulnerability.
What does that mean?
It means that you are the conductor of the emotional and communicative aspects
of your relationship, you are the one setting the stage for how deep things
are going to go, and through your example of your vulnerability,
you're showing him what it means to be in relationship.
You're showing him what it means to connect.
If you want him to be vulnerable, if you want him to be deep with you, if you
want him to dive into you heart first and be vulnerable with you,
you get to demonstrate that, you get to be in ownership of your feelings and share them
with him and ask him about his, inspire and invite him to be vulnerable with you.
He's looking for this.
He's looking to you for guidance, like the little musician in the
symphony, and you're the conductor.
He's looking to you for guidance on what that looks like,
what that feels like, and how to do it.
Remember, men don't have as much emotional agency as women, in general.
It's up to you to create that depth through leading by example.
Third key to inspire a man to want to dive into you emotionally
is to make sure he knows and understands that the water is warm.
Think about it.
If you were going to dive into a stream, or into a lake, or anywhere,
if the water was cold and you knew it was cold, how would you feel?
You feel anxious?
You'd feel that resistance like, "Oh God, I don't know if I can do this."
Even if you want to do it, you're going to have resistance around it.
You've got to remember that men have resistance to emotional intimacy
a lot of times, just by default, because of the conditioning that we've
undergone throughout much of our lives.
One of the greatest ways you can help offset that is by letting them know and
understand that you are a warm, inviting place for them to land emotionally.
Men are craving emotional safety from you, just as much as you're
craving physical safety from them.
This is one of the best ways for you to do that.
One of the most important ways to show up warmly to a man and invite him to dive in
is to cater to his love languages.
So often with my clients and students I find that they have unnecessary
conflict because they're simply not taking into consideration
the love languages of the other person.
You just assume that because your love languages, maybe words of
affirmation and acts of service, you assume that his are the same.
I almost guarantee you that they're not.
For most men, I would say 80% of men physical touch is a primary love language.
I want you to ask yourself, are you touching him in a warm, inviting way?
That can be one of the biggest things you can do to help invite a man to lower
his walls and connect with you deeper.
For me, personally, touches a huge love language for me and getting
a good head massage or just a good back rub with nails, forget about it.
I'm done.
I become a puddle.
Really, finding out a man's love languages can be absolutely essential.
If it's touch, figure out where he likes to be touched and how he likes
to be touched, I'm not even speaking sexually, although that's obviously
that's a component, but what other ways is he like to be casually,
lovingly touched and caressed by you?
You can ask him, or he can just start experimenting and try
touching him different areas and read his body language.
See if he moves into you.
If you feel him relax, that's a great way to establish warmth with a guy,
or if it's love languages, acts of service, you could wake him up with breakfast
in bed or something else that he loves.
Be creative with it.
You want to bridge that gap and ask him these questions and do some
exploration with them because that's going to help create that warmth and
familiarity that really he's craving.
Another powerful way to create warmth with a man is to praise
him for what he's doing.
The masculine is actively craving acknowledgement
from the feminine, for what it's creating and doing out in the world.
There's a very specific formula I want you to use to do that with him.
You want to anchor your acknowledgement in a personal positive feeling statement.
It's very simple formula.
You basically go, "I insert positive feeling statement
the way you insert his action.
I love the way you look at me.
I feel so safe when you hold me like that.
I respect the way you pursue your vision with your work or out in the world."
I want you to understand why this is so powerful because men often identify
themselves by their actions, by their work, by their results, so when you
acknowledge that, when you let him know that what he's doing is making you
feel great, it's so empowering to him.
If you want to create warmth, if you want to create passion with a guy,
it's one of the best things you can do.
The fourth key to getting a man to dive in heart first is to ensure
that the current is calm and smooth.
Would you want to go swimming if there was a storm outside and the waves were
whipping around and it was all chaotic?
Absolutely not.
What we want to look at the emotional climate of your relationship and
ask yourself, "Is this a safe, calm environment that a man's
going to want to invest more in?"
Bottom line, ladies, if you want a man to fall for you, your dominant emotional
set point can't be unstable or turbulent.
What is your dominant emotional set point?
Really, it's your default emotions.
It's the emotions that you operate from most of the time.
One of the biggest ways to identify your dominant emotional set point is
to check in with yourself when you wake up, before you've had a lot of
events of the world come crashing in on you and ask yourself,
"How do I feel? What's my resting emotional state?"
That's an important way to recognize it.
Also, look at the feelings that you default to when the unexpected happens.
Do you automatically shift into anger, or frustration, or
fear, or overwhelm, or anxiety?
Do you shut down?
If those are the emotions that you're constantly going back to, especially
when it comes to the unknowns and unexpected in your relationship,
it's not going to be very encouraging to a man.
It's not going to be enticing to him and make him want to dive
in and take the plunge with you.
One of the biggest factors in your dominant emotional set
point that I want you to look at is how you talk to yourself.
Your inner dialogue is so profoundly important.
I know for a lot of us, myself included sometimes, we can
be our own biggest critics.
We can be bullies to ourselves in the way that we talk to ourselves,
in the way that we judge ourselves.
If you think that you're hiding that from the world, you're wrong,
your inner dialogue is painted on your face,
your inner dialogue is showing up in your body.
It's showing up in the way that you connect with people out in
the world, including, and most importantly, with the person you're
in a relationship with, or the people that you're looking to get to know.
It brings to mind a phrase that I've heard often in my life and that I
share with my and students, "Treat yourself like someone you love."
Remember, look at how you love others, the selfless, unconditional way
that you love your children, or your family, your mother and father, and
ask yourself, "Am I treating myself with that same level of patience,
with that same level of grace, with that same just unconditional lovingness?
If I'm not, it's time to shift that conversation, because this is a very,
very, very, very important point."
Another person cannot love you any more than you love yourself.
Think about that and recognize that and do that inner-care, self-love work,
if you haven't done it already, and be conscious of your inner dialogue.
Now, I'm not telling you you can't be upset with a guy
or you can't share your feelings with a man unless they're positive.
I want to make that really clear, far from it.
It's actually a really high value sign that a woman is in full unapologetic
ownership of her feelings, of her emotion.
It's okay to get angry sometimes.
I want you to ask yourself, what are you going back to time and time again?
Is your dominant, emotional set point bringing and inviting people into your life,
or is it pushing them away?
Is it keeping them at arm's length?
Are you using your feelings to keep people out because it makes you feel safe?
It's just something to look at and something to think about.
Just strive for an emotional set point within yourself of calmness and serenity.
Not only will that be more inviting to a man and make him want to take
the plunge with you emotionally, but it'll just make your life more enjoyable too.
Remember, ladies, if you want a man to fall in love with you,
you need to give him something to fall into.
There are four important ways to do that.
The first is, if you want a man to take the leap, you need to let him know where,
you need to give him the target, by letting him know what
your boundaries are by sharing your preferences, your likes and dislikes,
expressing your frame to him, of who you are and owning it unapologetically.
That's going to help him trust you and make him want deeper
emotional intimacy with you.
Secondly, he needs to see and feel your depth before he's going to leap.
Are you asking deep questions?
Are you embodying deep, powerful ways of being that are going to entice him and
invite him to want to go deeper with you?
Are you being vulnerable?
Are you creating emotional depth through the way that you're showing up?
How will you show your depth to a guy that you want to love you?
By the quality of your questions, by asking him questions that go beneath
the surface and get him to tell stories and feel feelings and connect, not just with you deeper,
but with himself through your ways of being mysterious, curious,
present, surrendered, letting him know that you are very different from him
in an incredibly enticing and inviting way, and through your vulnerability.
Remember, you are the conductor.
One of the most powerful ways that you can create depth of relationship is by
leading with your heart, by leading with your feelings, by letting him know what
it means to be vulnerable, because he's looking to you for guidance around that.
The third way to get a man to take the plunge is to let them
know that the water is warm.
Are you demonstrating warmth in the way that you communicate and connect with him?
Are you catering to his love languages?
Are you praising him for what he's doing?
Are you letting him know by the way that you're showing up to him,
"Hey, this is a safe space."
I want to hear and experience more from you.
The fourth key to get a man to fall in love with you and take
the plunge is to make sure that the current is calm and soothing.
Look at your dominant emotional set point and ask yourself,
more often than not, "How do I feel?
How do I feel about myself?
How do I feel about my relationship?
How do I feel about the world, and how is that impacting how I show up?"
Because if you are not talking to yourself, if you're not seeing yourself
as a priceless treasure, if you don't love yourself most of the time, or at
least a dominant amount of the time, then you cannot expect another man
to love and cherish and honor and support you the way that you're craving.
Look at the way you're talking to yourself, and above all else,
treat yourself like someone you love.
I hope you get out there and use these tips to really inspire the man in
your life to fall in love with you.
Before you do, take a second, hit that little Subscribe button,
and don't forget to click that link in the comments and caption.
I've created some awesome content.
I know it's going to make a huge difference for you
in your relationships and connections with men.
Thanks so much for stopping by, and I'll see you in the next video.
Bye-bye.
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