Have you heard those stories where wives secretly poison their husbands over
really long periods of time and they eventually just wither away and die?
Resulting in the slowest but still quite brutal murder.
See that's what I'm doing! But to myself. And the poison in this case is...
Animated stories.
Wasn't there a storyline in early Desperate Housewives where Bree's
stalker poisons her first husband Rex to death?
Anyway, I digress. Let's see what the channel Life Diary has to show for itself.
"My Step Mom Crush Me."
Uh, yep - that's what it says. Wait, is that also a plot in Desperate Housewives??
Maybe they use the same writers!
Oh wait no, sorry no, these are REAL stories. Or at least they're as real as Desperate Housewives.
"LIFE DIARY is a platform where we share REAL stories about the life of
REAL people by appealing animated videos."
Does that NOT make sense or am I just dense?
"We receive thousands of REAL stories from REAL people all over world,
turn them into animated videos and narrate them with expressive voices." Remember that bit!
Now, you can tell that the stories are real because "real"
is put in capital letters and is repeated multiple times. So you know they're real.
Me thinks the Life Diary doth protest too much!
J: My soon to be stepmother looked at me with lustful eyes. I can't believe she purposefully
wanted to marry my dad to keep me from continuing with the people I truly love, dammit!"
This animation has everything! It has the *google automated voice* EXPRESSIVE VOICES.
The ULTRA realistic facial expressions. And of course, the outlandish scenario.
J: I like playing sports and online games and hated reading. Because I hate reading,
I also hate literature.
Now, I don't wanna be accused of bullying, but I've just gotta point this out...
The face looks like the troll meme.
And Jonah, why do you hate reading so much??
You know there's audiobooks now! Like on audible.com!
WHICH IS THE SPONSOR OF THIS -
I'm kidding! Uhh, but if you would like to sponsor me Audible, hit me up!
The way his face changes from THAT to THAT! See, I think THIS is foreshadowing that HE is two-faced!
J: She and I first met when I was in 10th grade, when we were all put together in a literature
class. From the moment I entered the classroom for the first time and saw Naomi reading a book,
I took the initiative to sit at the table next to him, and talk to him a little or
two. In addition to this beautiful look with pink coloured hair and sparkling blue eyes,
I am even more attracted to her charming way of talking -
Now if a guy looked at me like that, I would run SO fast -
So I'll just speed run you through this bit because it's not actually that relevant.
So he and the girl Naomi become best friends and he hides feelings from
her because he doesn't want to ruin their friendship by drooling on her.
And he finds out that she's about to go on a date so he turns up at her house,
and she says that she decided not go on the date because she likes SOMEONE ELSE.
Could you guess who that is?
Our man, Jonah!
And they go on to have a relationship where they have dinner once a month.
J: We've been in love for almost 5 years now and of course,
we also have dinner at least once a month.
So you know things are going swell.
Jonah goes on to explain that both he and Naomi were raised in single
parent households. Make sure to remember that because it becomes important later.
J: The few times I went to dinner at her house with her mother, I all felt quite uncomfortable.
Yeah...if my girlfriend's mum did that for 5 years...I might bring it up.
J: The atmosphere seemed normal when the 3 of us sit together.
But when Naomi went to the kitchen to prepare some kinds of dishes
and it was just me and her mum sitting alone she usually gazed at me with one eye.
It looks like she's gazing with BOTH of her eyes, mate. Extra steamy!
J: Then one day a few months ago, I got a text from Naomi
asking me to go to her house for a dinner. But the one who opened the door to greet me
was not my girlfriend with a bright smile, but her mother with a suspicious smile. Oh my god,
this situation was really too awkward! I was suddenly stuck alone with Naomi -
You mean her mum. You know you can do another take??
Now I'm gunna skip this bit because it takes a REALLY dark turn.
Basically Naomi's mum spikes Jonah's drink and tries to, you know, not consensually -
*Record scratch*
Voiceover: Hey everybody! It's voiceover Tara here and
my mic cut out whilst I was filming. Uhhhh. So for all the bits with the trash audio,
I'm just going to replace them with a nice little VoiceOver. So if this
bit isn't engaging enough for you, feel free to skip forward to where my face reappears.
Just when you thought this story couldn't take anymore twists or turns, Jonah's dad
says that he has met a new woman! And already wants to marry her - WHAT??!
And Jonah hasn't even met her yet! So he and
his dad arrange a dinner so he can meet his Stepmummy-to-be -
J: Naomi's mother. Oh god, no.
I find it funny how he said that like his phone ran out of battery,
or he's run out of loo roll whilst he's on the toilet. Not like his
STALKER (who happens to be his girlfriend's mum) is MARRYING his DAD!
J: Dad went to the toilet. I immediately caught this opportunity, I looked at her angrily -
I know this might not be crucial to the plot,
but why are the wine glasses so tiny?? Are they giants in this story??
Then Donna gives Jonah an ultimatum!
J: "If you don't want me to marry your father,
break up with Naomi, and come with me!" I love Naomi so much,
and I know she loves me very much too. But like this, we'll suddenly turn into brothers -
NOOOO! Not BROTHERS!!!
And the video ends with Jonah pleading with the audience for advice...
Uhh yeah, he doesn't really get much advice. Just people confused
about him switching Naomi's pronouns so much.
I hope you worked it out Jonah. I really feel for you. Because you're a real person!
Now, let's revisit our friends at Teen Life!
"I date the mum of the girl who gave me the fluff"
Is that like an STD or something??
Okay my guess is that this guy gets an STD from this girl,
as as revenge he BANGS her mum and gives HER the STD - and it all comes full circle!
A: Hey guys, my name's Arthur. Here is my little trash for you.
"My little trash" it's a weird phrase but I kinda love it! I might start using that.
A: Well this trash, is my LIFE.
OOHHHHH! That is actually a SICK self burn! Damn!
A: I fell in love with a girl -
Why is he holding the book like that?
Why can't they just do things normally in these cartoons??
A: And she was the queen of the class, so I only watched my love from a distance.
But at the graduation party, I don't know why, I decided that this was maybe my last chance.
Now, listen, I know it's wrong to body-shame,
but why are their crotches so weird?? It's not just me, is it?
So this guy, who's a bit of a nerd, turns up at the Queen Bee
Alice's house to ask her to go to prom with him, and she gives him an emphatic "NO".
A: She finished me off by getting into the king of our class' car,
and she left, mocking me with a wave of her hand!
And the next day, she goes around school falsely accusing him of
A: M0lesting her
So when he moves away to college, he leaves his hometown behind him,
only his parents come to visit and that's just so they can walk weirdly as a family.
A: Apart from my studies, I spent all my free time working,
I worked at company, something like an internship, but they paid me well -
HAHA! WOO! Yet another SICK burn.
Ban unpaid internships!!!!
Yes, comrade!
Didn't expect this video to get political, but here we are!
I guess there's more depth to these stories than I gave them credit for.
Whilst he's at a college has a MASSIVE glow up! And after 3 years,
he decides to finally go back home, to show off his transformation.
But alas, nobody recognises him!
A: And one day, I met her. Beautiful! Just, stunning! Smart and charismatic.
Except one person: Miranda! Who is Queen Bee Alice's mother.
A: I realised that neither age nor my failed
relationship with her daughter would stop me from conquering this woman -
Ew!
A: She was much older than me -
Well, at least it's legal!
A: But I convinced her. Yeah, even my mum talked to her more
than once. She said that everything was fine. Together, we convinced her!
So he gets HIS mum to convince Miranda that they should be in a relationship?!
Which gets weirder the more you think about it.
And then they move to capital together!
A: We moved to the capital -
But guess who turns up??
A: There was a problem though. As soon as we settled down, Alice same.
QUEEN Alice! You know what makes this story unbelievable for me...
The way they walk. I just don't buy it.
And it turns out that Alice WANTS him!
A: But Alice started to flirt with me.
Even though he's dating her mum!
A: Well, to TRY to flirt with me. But, how to say it? As if the owner of a powerful gaming
laptop was offered an out of date computer of the 90s, and still convinced the latter was no worse.
Woo! Yet another SICK BURN!
That's an IT burn!
A: Miranda couldn't stand it and said that legally I was her dad now,
and I could start raising her, if the mother approved of it.
Is he though?? He didn't say they got married. And even if they were he'd just be her STEP-dad.
A: In short, Alice got hysterical and left. And we lived happily ever after.
See that is a CALLBACK to her mocking wave on prom night!
*Flashback* "Mocking me with a wave of her hand"
You can really tell that the writer of this story studied their literary devices -
I mean, this actually happened, 'cause, this story is very real.
So yeah, that's definitely enough for one day!
Just kidding, I'll be watching these on my phone til 2am!
When I should be sleeping.
What can I say? It's a pretty poison.
Maybe I should make one of these videos myself, with one of YOUR stories!
An ACTUAL true story!
*Demonic laugh* YES!
Anyway, make sure to like this video if you remotely enjoyed it. Or you didn't,
dislike it. I'm a grown woman, I can take it.
I hope no-one takes that sentence out of context.
And make sure to subscribe to become part of our community of little subscriptions.
Buh bye! Buh bye now! Buh bye! Buh bye now! Buh bye!