Ladies and gentlem--well, I keep messing up my hair. Ladies and gentlem--well, no.
A lot of people these days like to talk about how the gender wage gap is a relic of a bygone
era of gender inequality. In 1980 when I started working women were making about sixty-four
cents for every dollar a man made, that's right sixty-four cents, listen to it drop.
Equivalent to needing to work about ninety extra days per year just to make the same
amount as a man. Yes the gender wage gap has narrowed since then, it is still alive and
well. And here's why.
Childcare which is one reason I'm grateful my ovaries are filled with jelly beans. Did
you know that the United States is one of three countries to not require companies maternity
much less paternity leave.
Women are less likely to negotiate their salaries and ladies if you want the money sometimes
you got to fight for it. The invisible forces of sexism and gender discrimination, my neck.
Here's the things ladies you can negotiate anything even couture haircuts.
This one is a favorite of gender wage gap deniers. Women tend to choose lower-paying
jobs than men. The funny thing is--actually not funny at all--when men choose the same
jobs like say being a teacher, a social worker ect. ect., they make more money. When women
choose higher paying jobs like say doctors, they make less money than men.
Likely due to babies, women are also likelier to work part-time. One secret tip of earning
respect in the workplace, shoulder pads. Take up more space.
Finally there is just good old-fashioned gender discrimination because somethings just don't
change like classic fashions and gender inequalities in the workplace. For those who like to explain
away the wage gap in terms of women's choices be it jobs or childcare or marriage, it's
important to remember that explaining perhaps why certain things happen is not the same
as proving that it doesn't exist. It's kind of like seeing a toilet overflowing with a
giant tampon shoved in it and saying, 'Oh well clearly it's the tampon clogging the
whole thing up' and then just walking away. Just walking and just letting it continue
to flow over and say, 'You know what, someone else will fix it and also it's the woman's
fault, she shouldn't have flushed that tampon. Our jobs are not...exactly, you get it. Need
a penny take a penny. I been wearing this same outfit since 1980 cause I can't afford
one all because of the gender wage gap. The money has all gone to my hair instead. Just
poked my eye through my glasses. I think my lucky stars that my fallopian tubes are stuffed
with old trash bags. I think my lucky stars that my uterus is filled with cat litter.