-Hi. In this video, I'm going to share
three ways that you can inspire a man to be a better lover.
[music]
-Hi there, I'm Mat Shaffer, your empowerment,
connection, and relationship coach.
I'm a former attorney who's committed his life to supporting you in creating
the sort of fun-fulfilling connections and relationships with men
that you're craving and that you're so deeply worthy of.
I am really excited [chuckles] about today's topic.
I want to share with you three simple ways that you can inspire a man
to be a better lover and have a better connection
with you in bed.
I love talking about this stuff and I love working with my clients on it
but before we dive into it, take a second, hit that little subscribe button.
I'm always uploading new videos
and I'd love to have you as part of our tribe.
When it comes to sex with men,
I know a lot of you might be feeling frustrated.
You're not getting everything that you want,
maybe you feel like he's not understanding
your needs in bed, or that even if things are good,
they could be better,
but maybe there are some fears or some blocks that are holding you back.
I'm going to share with you just a couple of simple ways that you can communicate
and connect with him in a way that's going to make your sex better for both of you.
So often what's not working for you in your physical relationship
with your partner isn't because either of you don't want
the other one to be happy.
It's not that your man doesn't want you to receive pleasure,
it's actually far from it.
A lot of times he just doesn't understand exactly what it is that you want,
so let's make it very clear what it is that you want
and how he can give it to you.
The first step to inspire a man to give you the sort of pleasure
that you want is for you to deeply
and truly know your body and know what you like.
It's remarkable how often when I'm working with clients who aren't having the sort
of physical intimacy they want with their partner.
When we dig down to the root of why it's happening,
a lot of it comes down to the fact that they don't have clarity around
their own pleasure.
They don't know what it takes to have an orgasm.
They're not sure where they'd like to be touched,
they're not aware of what fetishes they're into,
what type of foreplay that they're in- because maybe they've only had
very limited routine sex with one or a couple partners
and they haven't really done much exploration.
I want you to treat this as a really fun homework.
Do some research online and explore.
Explore your body, maybe get some toys, have fun with it, be light with it,
be playful with it,
and recognize that your lack of knowledge and lack of experience,
it isn't your fault and it isn't anything that's wrong with you.
This is an opportunity for you to discover what you truly need
and what you truly desire in order to be happy
in relationship with men because you can't communicate to a man
what it is that you want and you need until you know it for yourself.
Once you've done your homework and have clarity around
what exactly you like, and what toys you may like,
and what fetishes you may want to try,
now it is time for what's for a lot of women the tricky part,
introducing these discoveries and preferences to your partner.
I know this is the tough part.
It's really easy to want to hide your kinks or your toys
or maybe your secret desires because you're afraid
that maybe it'll push him away, maybe it'll emasculate him,
maybe he'll judge you for them.
There can be a lot of shame around things that we're into sexually.
I totally understand that.
I want you to see this as a breakthrough opportunity
for you, and for him,
because in holding back or hiding this stuff from your partner,
you're depriving both of you from the greatest degree of pleasure
and connection possible.
Let's go ahead and release that because I promise you, ladies,
men are more than capable not just of accepting your favorite toy,
or your favorite secret fetish, but of celebrating it.
At the end of the day,
men want nothing more than to make you happy and to make you feel pleasure,
and not just a little pleasure, but as much pleasure as possible.
Men absolutely love that.
As long as you introduce this toy or this new thing you want
to experiment with not as a way to replace him,
or a way to supplement him because he's not doing enough for you,
but as a way of taking your already great sex and the intimacy
that you love with him to a new level, he's going to be into it.
When you introduce that vibrator or that flogger
or whatever it is that you want to try to him,
just let him know that this is something that you want to share with him
so that you two can both have an even more amazing experience.
He's going to be open to it and probably enthusiastic to try it and play with you.
Another cool aspect of bringing toys and new practices into the bedroom
is that it makes sex more like play,
and men love to play in all aspects of their life
and the bedroom is a great place to do it.
When you're bringing a new toy or a new thing into the bedroom,
feel free to invite him to use it on you,
and have him get acquainted and get used to it.
You want to treat this like an introduction process
and before you know it, I guarantee you,
he'll be super enthusiastic and asking you to get it out next time.
Lastly, don't be afraid to interrupt the routine of sex and physical intimacy
that you might have gotten into because men,
as the initiators and the drivers of a lot of physical aspects
of the relationship including sex,
they have a tendency to fall into patterns.
Men are creatures of habit, and we are creatures of routine
in most aspects of our lives and that can very easily
follow us into the bedroom as well.
You as the feminine energy in relationship,
you are fundamentally that freeing, dynamic, spontaneous force.
You get to be a loving interruption to our habits and our routines in sex.
Invite us to engage in physical intimacy in different ways,
try different types of foreplay, hook up in different locations,
maybe in unexpected places,
be that initiator and play with these dynamics.
Don't be afraid to interrupt the normal routine of physical intimacy
that you may have fallen into with your partner.
Not to say that that can't be a good thing,
but it never hurts to spice it up and try something new
in an unexpected way with him.
It'll actually activate him and make him want to step up
and get more creative with you as well, I guarantee it.
I want to invite you to take a little time and really embrace this process.
Explore your body,
really learn what you like, and learn what maybe interesting,
kinky stuff you may be into,
and then introduce it to your partner in an inviting, loving way.
Introduce him to the toys, introduce him to the kinks,
and let him get acquainted with it in a playful, warm way.
Let him know that you're not trying to replace him,
you're just looking to take your sex and take your physical intimacy
to another level with him.
Let him use those toys and let him take the driver's seat because the man
is that physical initiator.
Let him get acquainted in using these toys and initiating these fetishes with you.
No matter how good your normal routine sex may be,
do not be afraid to be a loving interruption to that
and be a spontaneous dynamic force in the bedroom.
Be that wild card that always keeps him on his toes and that will keep him
interested, it'll keep him activated and it'll keep him looking forward
to what you're going to throw at him next.
Get out there and have fun between the sheets with somebody
that you care about, but before you do, take a second,
hit that little subscribe button.
Don't forget to click that little bell and click the link in the comments
in caption to get some great training I have created
that's going to make a huge difference in your relationships
and connections with men.
Thanks so much and I'll see you in my next video.
Bye-bye.