Riley: Please, don't try this at home.
Jory: Because nobody likes roasted nuts!
Jon: Uh, apparently, you like SOMETHING in the room, though, huh, Jory?
Jory: Hello, and welcome to...
Jory and Riley: ..."Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
I'm your host, Jory Caron.
I'm your early-retirement sidekick, Riley McIlwain.
Jory: You guys want BIG BOOM?
Riley: HERE'S a big boom!
*Riley moans*
Jory: That's not the big boom they're wanting, Riley.
Riley: Sure it is!
Jory: Give 'em the Big Boom!
Riley: BIG BOOM!
Jon: WOW! That's almost as big as my dick!
Riley: Disco stick!
Jory: (referring to Jon's comment) Not true...
Riley: BOOM stick!
Jory: Disco stick?!
*Riley squeals*
Jory: Oh, we're gonna give it to you! How are we gonna give it to you?
Riley: Shake Weight!
Jory: On a gold plate!
*theme song plays*
Jory: It smells like victory!
Jory: All hands to the deck!
Jory: Nobody likes roasted nuts!
Jory and Jon: WHOA!
Jory: You got that on camera, right?
Riley: I don't trust this bitch!
Jon: Are you out of your mind?!
Jory: The masks- they do nothing!
Riley: You TOTALLY could have died!
Riley: The tin foil shield- it actually worked!
Jory: Stopping, stopping!
Riley and Playlist Live crowd: 3.5!
Jon: YEAH!
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Jory: Let's find out! Here at the Jory Caron Field of Destruction...
Jory: (yelling) ...THREE...
Jory and Riley: (yelling) ...POINT-OH!
*Riley stops yelling "oh," but Jory continues for a long time*
Riley: Alright, alright, alright! We get it, we get it! STOP!
Riley: (through clenched teeth) We get it, we get it, we get it!
Riley: Oh, God!
*Jory finally stops yelling "oh"*
Jory: Microwaving things is what we do here! And that's why we don't have any tin foil shield...
Riley: (whispering) No tin foil shields!
Jory: ...to protect our nuts, because, let's be honest here...
Riley: No one likes roasted nuts!
Jory: ...they're all gone, and there's only two more episodes, and it doesn't really matter now, does it?
Riley: (screaming) NOTHIN' matters anymore!
Jory: Let's do this as a blowout!
Jon: You guys have gone over the edge!
*Riley excitedly pounds on the top of Heather*
Jory: OH, look at that microwave! Sweet microwave! Too bad she's gonna be GONE!
Riley: WHOO!
Jory: Fill 'er up!
Riley: With that BOOM stick, baby!
Jory: Fill 'er up!
Jory: Aw, yeah! AW, yeah!
Jory: So, now, all we gotta do is put some time on the clock!
Riley: Some time!
Jon: How long should we put it in there for, guys?
Jory: Like 30 minutes!
*whistling of screamer firework, followed by explosion pop*
Jory: Plugging in!
Jon: Be careful!
Jory: I'll try my best!
Riley: At least we got it on film!
Jory: Exactly!
Jon: I don't wanna see you blow up, so don't!
Riley: Let's go, let's go!
Jon: (screaming in terror) GET OUTTA THERE!
Riley: (screaming) GO, GO, GO, GO!
*Ryan laughs*
Riley: Alright, pull the string!
Jon: Alright, so we have the entire mechanism hooked up to a pull-string.
Jory: You ready?
Riley: I'M ready!
Ryan: Let's do this!
Jon: Alright, cross your fingers, hope to die!
Jon: Actually, DON'T hope to die...
Ryan: I didn't hear the generator rev up.
Riley: I think it's hittin' it twice.
Jon: It must've slipped, Jory.
Riley: (to Jory) Go and hit it twice.
Jory: The string isn't working 'cause it was hitting "start/stop" immediately. It just wasn't going.
Jory: So, uh, I'm gonna hit it by hand.
Jory: Uh, I still have two hands. Hopefully, I will when this is done!
Jon: Alright, good luck, Jory. We're gonna back up. You stay here.
Jory: Yup, yup.
Jory: Godspeed to myself! (chuckles)
Jon: Yes!
Jon: Good luck! We're all counting on you!
Ryan: Godspeed!
Jon, Riley, and Ryan: (yelling) RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN!
Riley: (laughing) RUN! [Beep]!
*firework mortar explodes*
Jon, Riley, and Ryan: WHOA!
Jory: I didn't see it!
Riley: Where'd the microwave go?!
Jon, Riley, and Ryan: RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN!
Riley: (laughing) RUN! [Beep]!
*firework mortar explodes*
Jon, Riley, and Ryan: WHOA!
Jory: I didn't see it!
Jon, Riley, and Ryan: RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN!
Riley: (laughing) RUN!
*firework mortar explodes*
Jon: (to Jory) You didn't see it, did you?
Jory: No.
Jon: You were running from the explosion, 'cause you're THAT bad-ass!
Jon: (to Jory) You got pretty far in five seconds, though! I think you don't give yourself enough credit.
Jon: Look at all the [beep]in' smoke!
Jory: So, you may be wondering where the hell the microwave is!
Riley: I don't know!
Jon: There's the DOOR!
Jory: It took a journey back here!
Jory: So, how did it look?
Jon: I don't know. It looked pretty cool!
Ryan: It was awesome!
Jon: It's a lot smaller than I thought it would be, though.
Jon: Can you pick it up, or is it still too hot?
Riley: REAL hot!
Jory: Oh, it's touched.
Jory: [Beep]! That IS hot!
Riley: I TOLD you it was hot!
Jory: Why do I always touch the hot things?!
Jory: (in redneck voice) Pick it up like a beaver! We got a beaver right here!
Jon: Whoo! Look at that thing- it's just wrecked!
Riley: (sarcastically) It smells great!
Riley: I wonder if it still works?
Jory: So, you may actually be wondering if it's a good idea to microwave a large mortar firework.
Jory: Just get a shot of that right now, and that's your answer- right there!
Jory: No, it's not a good idea. It's a horrible idea, unless it's your job!
Jory: Seriously, though, don't try this at home.
Riley: No, no. WE'RE not even at home!
*Jory chuckles*
Jory: That's about it for this episode of...
Jory and RIley: ..."Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
I'm your host, Jory Caron.
I'm your sidekick, Riley McIlwain.
*end credits play*
*funeral montage music plays*
Jon: Hamilton Beach?! Is that a location in New Hampshire, or is that the name of a microwave?
Jory: Have we done "Heather"?
Jon: No!
Jory: I'VE never done a Heather!
Jory: We really should let it burn...
Jory: (moaning) ...RIGHT there!
Jory: You know, they all blend together!
Riley: That fire is... out!
*Jory laughs*
*firework mortar explodes*
Jon, Riley, and Ryan: WHOA!
*funeral montage music stops*
*Click on episode #77 to witness the beloved Helga die by screeching pyramid, as well as hear "all hands to the deck"!*