If you ever go to church, you're probably used to hearing your pastor
referencing the Bible and telling you a story that's from the Bible and inspiring you.
But it turns out,
and people who don't read the Bible may not know this as well,
it turns out there's a lot of stories in the Bible
that are not just
unheard of,
your pastor will never tell it to you in church,
but they're downright graphic, and gruesome, and awful.
So, I thought it'd be fun to share them with you.
This one is from Psalm 137.
You don't need any context. So, I'll just read it to you without the context.
"Happy is the one who seizes your infants
and dashes them against the rocks."
This one is from 1 Samuel.
When Saul's servant told him what David had said,
Saul replied,
Say to David, "The king wants no other price for the bride
than a hundred Philistine foreskins,
to take revenge on his enemies.”
Saul's plan was to have David fall by the hands of the Philistines.
When the attendants told David these things, he was pleased to become the king’s son-in-law.
So before the allotted time elapsed,
David took his men with him
and they went out and killed two hundred Philistines
and brought back their foreskins.
They counted out the full number to the king so that
David might become the king’s son-in-law.
Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.
This one's from Exodus and it reminds us that
God has a blood fetish.
The Lord said to Moses,
tell Aaron, "Take your staff and stretch out your hand over the waters of Egypt,
over the streams and canals, over the ponds, and all their reservoirs
and they will turn to blood.
Blood will be everywhere in Egypt. Even in vessels of wood and stone.
I know people want to
make kids really happy, but sometimes that can go a little too far.
So, this one's from the book of Mark. So, hey, New Testament.
The king said to the girl,
"Ask me for anything you want, and I'll give it to you".
And he promised her with an oath, "Whatever you ask I will give you, up to half my kingdom."
She went out and said to her mother,
"What shall I ask for?"
"The head of John the Baptist," she answered.
At once the girl hurried in to the king with the request:
"I want you to give me right now the head of John the Baptist on a platter."
The king was greatly distressed,
but because of his oaths and his dinner guests, he did not want to refuse her.
So he immediately sent an executioner with orders to bring John's head.
The man went,
beheaded John in the prison,
and brought back his head on a platter.
He presented it to the girl, and she gave it to her mother.
Just like that. This is from Acts.
On the appointed day Herod, wearing his royal robes,
sat on his throne and delivered a public address to the people.
They shouted, "This is the voice of God, not of a man."
Immediately, because Herod did not give praise to God,
an angel of the Lord struck him down,
and he was eaten by worms and died.
So, there's a pleasant story for you.
Back to God's blood lust, this one's from Revelation.
The sea gave up the dead that were in it,
and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them,
and each person was judged according to what they had done.
Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire.
The lake of fire is the second death.
Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.
So, yeah. God loves you. Some of the characters in the Bible
have a bit of an anger issue. So, this one's from Esther.
Just as the king returned from the palace garden and the banquet hall,
Haman was falling on the couch where Esther was reclining.
The king exclaimed,
"Will he even molest the queen while she is with me in the house?"
As soon as the word left the king's mouth,
they covered Haman's face.
Then Harbona, one of the eunuchs attending the king, said,
"A pole reaching up to a height of fifty cubits stands by Haman's house.
He had it set up for Mordecai, who spoke up to help the king."
The king said, "Impale him on it!"
So they impaled Haman on the pole he had set up for Mordecai.
Then the king's fury subsided.
So, I guess if you're angry,
kill someone and it'll make you feel better.
This one's from the book of Revelation.
And I saw an angel standing in the sun,
who cried in a loud voice to all the birds flying in midair,
"Come, gather around for the great supper of God,
so that you may eat the flesh of kings,
generals, and the mighty, of horses and their riders,
and the flesh of all people, free and slave, great and small."
Then I saw the beast and the kings of the earth
and their armies gathered together to wage war against the rider on the horse and his army.
But the beast was captured,
and with it the false prophet who had performed the signs on its behalf.
With these signs he had deluded those who had received the mark of the beast and worshiped its image.
The two of them were thrown alive into the fiery lake of burning sulfur.
The rest were killed with the sword coming out of the mouth of the rider on the horse,
and all the birds gorged themselves on their flesh.
Have fun eating dinner after watching this, by the way.
This one's from Judges.
They said to him, "We've come to tie you up and hand you over to the Philistines."
Samson said, "Swear to me that you won't kill me yourselves."
"Agreed," they answered.
"We will only tie you up and hand you over to them. We will not kill you."
So they bound him with two new ropes and led him up from the rock.
As he approached Lehi,
the Philistines came toward him shouting.
The Spirit of the Lord came powerfully upon him.
The ropes on his arms became like charred flax, and the bindings dropped from his hands.
Finding a fresh jawbone of a donkey,
he grabbed it and struck down a thousand men.
Then Samson said, "With a donkey's jawbone I have made donkeys of them.
With a donkey's jawbone I have killed a thousand men."
Whatever floats your boat, I guess.
This one is from 2 Kings.
From there Elisha went up to Bethel.
As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him.
"Get out of here, baldy!" they said. "Get out of here, baldy!"
He turned around,
looked at them
and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord.
Then two bears came out of the woods
and mauled forty-two of the boys.
And he went on to Mount Carmel and from there returned to Samaria.
There, yeah, stupid kids. What do they know?
I once heard there was a story in the Bible of a guy who sacrificed his daughter
because some strangers were coming to his door.
And didn't really look at it carefully, and I realized the story is way worse than that. So,
this one is from the book of Judges.
The owner of the house went outside and said to them,
"No, my friends, don't be so vile.
Since this man is my guest, don't do this outrageous thing.
Look, here is my virgin daughter, and his concubine.
I will bring them out to you now, and you can use them
and do to them whatever you wish.
But as for this man, don't do such an outrageous thing."
But the men would not listen to him.
So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them,
and they raped her and abused her throughout the night,
and at dawn they let her go.
At daybreak the woman went back to the house where her master was staying,
fell down at the door
and lay there until daylight.
When her master got up in the morning and opened the door of the house
and stepped out to continue on his way,
there lay his concubine,
fallen in the doorway of the house, with her hands on the threshold.
He said to her,
"Get up; let's go."
But there was no answer.
Then the man put her on his donkey and set out for home.
When he reached home,
he took a knife
and cut up his concubine,
limb by limb, into twelve parts
and sent them all into the areas of Israel.
Everyone who saw it was saying to one another,
"Such a thing has never been seen or done,
not since the day the Israelites came up out of Egypt.
Just imagine!
We must do something! So speak up!"