- THIS GUY RIGHT HERE JUST TURNED 50.
I WAS AT HIS BIRTHDAY PARTY, AND IT IS CRAZY THAT YOU'RE 50.
- 50!
[cheers and applause]
[speaking indistinctly]
RIGHT?
- LET'S-- - I MADE IT.
[chuckles]
- NO, HE REALLY-- HE REALLY DOESN'T AGE.
I'VE--JUST RECENTLY, WE'VE BECOME FRIENDS,
AND I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
I HAVEN'T KNOWN YOU YOUR WHOLE LIFE,
BUT YOUR PICTURES--
LET ME SHOW A BABY PICTURE OF YOU THAT--
YOU HAVE NOT AGED AT ALL.
I MEAN, IT'S CRAZY.
- YEAH, EXACTLY.
ISN'T IT AMAZING? - EXACTLY THE SAME.
- I STILL HAVE THE SAME GUT TOO, WHICH IS AMAZING.
- NO, YOU HAVE AN AMAZING BODY. YOU'RE IN GREAT SHAPE.
AND HOW DID YOU-- [scattered applause]
YES, YOU CAN CLAP FOR GREAT SHAPE.
[cheers and applause]
- THANK YOU.
- LISTEN.
THESE WOMEN ARE-- IF THEY HAD SINGLES,
THEY'D BE RUNNING UP HERE TOWARDS YOU.
I CAN TELL.
[laughter]
LET'S TALK ABOUT-- FIRST OF ALL,
I'M SO HAPPY YOU WROTE ANOTHER BOOK
'CAUSE I LOVED YOUR FIRST BOOK,
AND I'M HAPPY YOU WROTE A SECOND ONE.
AND YOU TALK A LITTLE BIT ABOUT--
WELL, YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR SONS. - YES.
- AND MATTHEW, YOUR OLDEST, WENT AWAY TO COLLEGE,
AND NOW JOHN OWEN, YOUR-- THE YOUNGEST,
IS GOING AWAY TO COLLEGE.
AND HE IS--ROB IS LIKE--
- SAD, IT'S VERY SAD. - YOU LOVE YOUR SONS SO MUCH.
- YEAH, I DO.
- I LOVE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR SONS.
- THANKS. AND, YOU KNOW, WE--
A LOT OF US KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO THINK...
[applause]
LOOK, THE DREAM FOR ALL OF OUR KIDS, RIGHT,
IS THAT THEY GET AMAZING EDUCATIONS
AND HAVE THE OPPORTUNITIES
THAT WE WORK HARD FOR THEM TO TRY TO HAVE,
SO WHEN THAT HAPPENS, IT'S-- THE GOOD NEWS,
IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE THE GOOD NEWS, MAN.
IT FEELS HARD, AND IT FEELS SAD TO ME.
- THEY LEAVE YOU. THEY GO AWAY.
- THEY LEAVE YOU, AND IT'S--
AND I THOUGHT, "I'M A GUY," YOU KNOW.
IT'S LIKE I'M GONNA BE FINE WITH THIS.
AND I WAS NOT FINE. - YEAH.
- AND--AND I ALMOST DIDN'T WRITE ABOUT IT IN THE BOOK
BECAUSE IT WAS SO PAINFUL.
AND I THOUGHT, "I'LL WRITE ABOUT IT LATER."
I'M GLAD I DID BECAUSE THAT PART OF THE BOOK
IS VERY SPECIAL TO ME 'CAUSE IT'S A PERFECT SNAPSHOT
OF WHAT IT MEANT TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO MY SON
AND SORT OF TURN HIM OVER TO THE--TO THE WORLD.
- YEAH, WELL, AND HE-- I DIDN'T KNOW THIS.
I JUST LEARNED THIS TODAY IN THE MEETING,
THAT JOHN OWEN GOT A TATTOO.
- SADLY, I CAN CONFIRM THAT.
[laughter]
I--NOW, MY YOUNGEST, JOHNNY, IS 18,
AND HE HAS THE MIND OF A LAWYER,
SO HE IMMEDIATELY CAME AT ME WITH, "DAD, I'M 18.
"I CAN GET IT LEGALLY.
I'M GONNA GET IT WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT."
SO I THOUGHT, "OKAY, HOW CAN I CONTROL THIS?
HOW CAN I CONTROL THIS?"
AND SO I FIGURED, "ALL RIGHT, I'LL NEGOTIATE IT WITH YOU."
SO WE NEGOTIATED PLACEMENT, SIZE, WHAT IT WOULD BE,
AND FINALLY, WE SETTLED ON SOMETHING I THINK IS OKAY.
- WHAT IS IT? WHERE IS IT?
- IT IS A KEYBOARD,
AN OCTAVE OF A PIANO.
HE'S VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT PIANO,
SO I LIKE THAT IT WAS EMBLEMATIC OF HIS DREAMS AND PASSION.
- MM-HMM. - AND IT'S HERE ON HIS WRIST.
AND SO IT'S VERY SORT OF CLASSY AND SIMPLE AND--
IF A TATTOO CAN BE CLASSY.
- IT COULD LOOK LIKE A--
[laughter]
COULDN'T THAT LOOK LIKE A BAR CODE OR SOMETHING?
- IT DOES LOOK LIKE A BAR CODE. IT DOES.
IT DOES, BUT THERE'S AN ONGOING ARGUMENT IN THE HOUSE
ABOUT SHOULD THERE-- SHOULD WE PUT WHITE IN IT
'CAUSE IT LOOK--YES,
NOW, SO YOU'RE CLEARLY IN THE BAR CODE CAMP.
THANKS.
- WELL, I HAVEN'T-- I HAVEN'T SEEN IT,
BUT JUST SAYING IT'S THE KEYBOARD,
IT SOUNDS LIKE-- ESPECIALLY JUST RIGHT THERE.
- YOU'RE THE TIEBREAKER. - YEAH.
- I'M GONNA GET SOME WHITE INK PUT ON IT NOW.
- YEAH.
OH, NOW HE'S GETTING MORE TATTOOS.
- YEAH, WELL, THANKS TO YOU. - YEAH.
DO YOU HAVE TATTOOS?
- I MAY HAVE ONE. - WHAT IS IT?
- WHEN I GOT SOBER MANY, MANY, MANY YEARS AGO,
I WAS--MY BIGGEST FEAR WAS THAT I WOULDN'T BE...
[growling] WILD.
I WOULDN'T STILL HAVE IT.
- [chuckling]
- [normal voice] SO I, OF COURSE, WENT
AND GOT A TATTOO...
[growling] 'CAUSE I WAS STILL WILD.
[laughter]
[normal voice] AND SO I HAVE MY NEWLY SOBER...
[growling] I'M STILL WILD...
[normal voice] TATTOO, AND IT'S HORRIBLE.
- WHAT IS IT?
- IT'S--YOU WANT TO SEE? I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT IT IS.
[cheers and applause]
WHAT IS IT? - WHAT IS IT?
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ANYMORE.
- WHAT WAS IT?
- IT ONCE WAS A KOI FISH,
A TRADITIONAL JAPANESE KOI FISH, IN A SWIRL OF WATER,
AND NOW IT'S A WONDERFUL BLOB.
- YEAH. [laughs]
- LIKE MY MIND. - ALL RIGHT.
BUT AT LEAST YOU'RE WILD AND CRAZY.
- I'M WILD. I GOT IT. - OH, YEAH, YOU GOT--
- [growling] - YOU GOT THAT.
"I GOT A FISH."
- AH.
- "I'M GONNA PUT A FISH ON MY ARM."
[cheers and applause]
MAYBE I'LL PUT A PARAKEET ON MINE OR SOMETHING.
- YOU'RE WILD.